Wow, where do I start? I will try to finish before the music cuts me off. I help with SetFreeKids on Friday nights at 7. I really love it and I thank God for giving me the opportunity to help because it gets my blood flowing. Those students are so honest in their feelings that it causes me to evaluate my own authenticity constantly.
My life up to Jan 2007 was a circus, a slow trainwreck, a facade. I talked the talk about doing great things with my life but nothing could ever get off the ground. I suffered from depression, anxiety and hopelessness. My life was anger, suppression, parties and self-sabotage. I thought I had slipped through the cracks of humanity. The one innate hope I held onto was, "There has to be something more than this".....And oh boy, did I find it.
I found the One that could actually move me to tears when for so long I felt emotionally numb. The One who brings me sanity when I am surrounded by a world that doesn't make sense. I found the One who makes my enemies and my strongholds a "footstool for my feet". He is the "Love Supreme" as John Coltrane put it. The only way I can describe my walk is, my Homecoming, an "awakening" It wasn't that I had to go to school to learn it, I didn't have years of religious studies under my belt or that I had to grow up with a family steeped in Christianity. I was the Prodigal daughter and I had had enough of the hand that the world dealt me.
It was when I shut my mouth, opened my heart and gave up trying to prove who I was to this world. I remember the day, Jan 21st 2007, the flood gates from heaven came up from the core of my inner-most being and spilled out of my eyes. For many days after that I felt this burden on my soul and this still visits me now and then. My heart was heavy thinking of all the damage that I had done to myself and it "swelled my mind and amazed my soul" to even try to comprehend that it was all taken away.
I now pray for constant rememberance, so that I will never forget how He saved my life and how He is saving my family. He is my Truth, my Justice, my Hope, my Lawyer, my Judge, my Rock and my Fortress. He is mine. My heart is still so heavy that it spills over for the smallest of things He does.
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