hmm i don't even know where to start. perhaps the beginning. the past few weeks God has been revealing to me the pride that was still in my heart. it was one of the hardest things i've been through. i hated the pride. it just felt like anyone who listened could hear it dripping from my words, could see it just by looking at me. it seemed like anything i did, i ended up humiliating myself. it was pretty ugly.

and i realized... i didn't really expect to change. inconsistency. it's the worst. i would change and get better for a time, but it always would be followed by steps backward. 

so i said i didn't want that anymore. i know God has the power to change me, and i know that any change in me is only from God and not of myself at all. so if God changes me, well, then i'm changed.

this morning i went to worship at the school of worship. it was so wonderful. i didn't notice it so much at the time but i did feel like there was something holding me back.

when worship ended i still had about an hour before my own class so i stayed for the SOW class for a little while. kal handed out a paper that was a summary/outline of the chapter they were reading. it was called 7 things that hinder worship. the first one on the list there was pride. i thought, oh good, God was speaking to me about that some just a little while ago (God has been speaking so many different things to me during the past few days, so it seemed like i had moved over that one). and then we started talking about it.

oh man. God changed my heart. [[i will add more about what we talked about later... i don't have the page with me at the moment.]]

it was really funny cause kal mentioned the song "you take my rights away" by skillet and i was like hey, i just listened to that song in my car this morning, i love it. in fact when i arrived at the building i was in the middle of the song "invincible." (if you don't know these songs... well you just should hehe. but you can look up the lyrics. invincible talks about how we are dead to our sins so there is nothing the world can do to us as we are already dead.) i ended up having to leave as soon as they were done with that section. and when i got back into my car the song started in the middle of the bridge-ish part (corryn... help me out... :) ) that repeats "you know you can't kill a man when he's dead, you know you can't..."

the Spirit was so heavy in that. i mean, it is true that we are dead to sin, to the world when we gave our lives to jesus. but i wasn't totally and completely living that way. you can't be partly dead, or even mostly dead. you're either dead or your not.

so i died.

praise the Lord.

well after listening to the rest of invincible i went back to you take my rights away, then let it play through invincible again, and then a song called "rest."

there is such a peace, such a comfort in knowing that my life rests completely in Him. i am filled with peace and just... i don't even know how to describe it. it's a peace like none i've ever felt before--it's almost tangible. i am completely satisfied.

so i wrote this song.

v. 1
I stand before You
Humbled and in awe of You, my King
Lord of all the heavens,
I worship You
Lay it all down, I fall before You

chorus
Glorious One, Beautiful Savior
You are my Lover, my Friend,
The Author of my life
Almighty God, wonderful King
You are my Father, my Maker
Lord of my life.

v. 2
What can I bring You?
What have I to offer You, my King?
You offered me Your life
So I give you mine
What choice have I but to live for You

(chorus)

bridge:
Angels fall before You
Majesty surrounds you
Above all the heavens
You are King
Angels fall before You
Glory surrounds you
Highest in the heavens
You are King

And so I sing to You, so I sing to You
I sing to You
Be exalted to the highest place
So I sing to you, so I sing to you
I sing to You
Be the highest in my heart

(chorus) 

i really like writing songs. it's a newly discovered talent. which comes from God. (hehe...)

i don't know that i consider that song complete. i'll probably make some changes to it. i'm open to suggestions but don't be offended if i blatantly reject them (david duffield knows what i am talking about. but he's probably not reading this. corryn does though. starbucks. :-D )

that's all for today.

wait- i love Jesus!!!!

okay now that's all.