This is an interesting story that I have heard misrepresented a million ways in order to preach the "rhema" word that seems to be the current ongoing fad in church ministry but if you would allow, please accept my personal account of this story.  I am now in my second decade of ministry and can say without fail that I have been screwed in almost every figurative way imaginable (other than the ways that would result in the immediate death and dissappearance of anyone participation ie mess with my kids, wife, etc).  My walk has always relied on the Lord and I have always managed to be able to get past the dissappointment of yet another senior pastor forgetting the initial conversations and promises made behind close doors...I want to get to the point as quick as I can. 

The last position I served in was awesome...I saw teens get saved, baptized, and empowered by the Holy Spirit to walk the paths each one of them were to be on.  We had awesome services in our youth room "the basement" where kids would lay at the altar sometimes hours after the service was closed...we saw transformations of lives...and were convinced we had much to go...but then it was over.  In church language, we say, "the Lord is calling us on" but most of us know what that means...it was heart breaking.  We had never seen so much personal success in reaching into the homes of our teens and then had to leave...the details are not necessary and I must highlight the fact that we decided it was time and we knew God was leading...we would still be there otherwise...but it was heart breaking nonetheless and I, for the first time, found myself completely discouraged with the church. 

Most of my Christian walk had been overseas in hostile environments and this political american christianity had finally gotten to me.  I told my wife that I was through with "platform" church ministry and that I was leaving the church and focusing all my attention on my ministry (music/streets) and staying as clear I could from churches.  I was discussing this with my mom expecting her support of my decision (I am after all a genius) when much to my surprise she said "Pat, you sound like you're awefully close to becoming the pharisee pointing in judgement at the tax collector..." She infuriated me...I was like, they are the pharisees, not me...they work in the church...it's them...that's when her geniusness (is that a word?) stepped in.  She told me point blank that I was viewing their sin as worse then my own.  She reminded me that just because someone sins against me, that doesn't give me the right to act as if I am more righteous...because I also struggle with sins...it's just my sins aren't directed towards others...mine are more self-destructive...she was right. 

The fact is we don't know much about either person.  We don't know if the tax collector went back to doing what he was doing...we don't know if he came in there everyday and that pharisee got sick of seeing him always coming back...we don't know if maybe that tax collector took advantage of someone close to the pharisee and he was dealing with bitterness towards the man...all we know is at that time, the tax collector was broken before the Lord and the pharisee was judging the sins of the tax collector as if they were worse than his own sins.  How many times have I rebuked someone for something I have done...or have wished to in times past...how many times have I regarded politicans with distaste because of what they do and what they say as if I am better...and here now I was preparing to sin against God by not following the example Jesus laid for us and using the excuse that "they hurt me" as a way out. 

I don't know if the people involved broke down before the Lord and repented...and I know they genuinely love the Lord.  At what point will we read the verses that say "no weapon formed against us shall prosper" and "the weapons we fight with are not of this world" and "for we do not wrestle against flesh and blood" and apply them when we feel attacked and we are the ones losing.  It is easy to claim victory in Jesus when we are on top but what about the times we feel subdued.  I judged the people who hurt me as if their sin was worse than my own...let's be clear...Jesus loves all sinners...We cannot point a finger at a person and cry legalist without crossing the line.  My heart breaks for all believers who are bound in sin...some of us wrestle with sins in private and have learned how to keep things at bay...some wrestle with sins that cannot be kept private...Jesus did not despise the pharisees... in fact there were a great many jews who followed Him.  But even to this day, anyone who justifies himself in his religion will always be found lacking when confronting the cross. 

My biggest struggle as a pastor who loves his people and is thrilled to be a part of God's reconciliation is that I don't for a moment assume that anything I am allowed to see I somehow made happen.  My hand may be pushing the plow, but I didn't make this plow, I have no idea how I learned to push it...nor do I really know what's been planted...I just push.  Guys, my biggest problem with this story in the Bible is that so many times the pharisee has been me.