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| Let the Anger Go, and Let the Love Flow |
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My mother died in 2000. I remember the day like it was yesterday. She had gone into the hospital because she had pneumonia. She ended up having a coughing spell, and vomited, and choked to death…they performed life saving measures, and got her heart beating again, but she was gone mentally. As far as I am concerned, that was the day she died, although they kept her on life support for three more days. The day she “died” was also her birthday.
Her death hit me especially hard, because I had been short with her the day before. She went in to the hospital three times a week for kidney dialysis. The day before she “died”, I was to take her in for her dialysis. She called early and asked why I hadn’t picked her up yet (it was a half hour before I normally would have picked her up.) She was anxious to get to the hospital because she felt so bad, and knew the doctor would be in to check on her. I, in my own little world, could only see that she was “bothering” me, and I had to leave early to take her in for her dialysis, and why couldn't she wait until the normal time? I am ashamed to tell that now…although I have forgiven myself. It would not have been the way I wanted to treat her the last days of her life, had I know what was to come.
They ended up keeping her there. She never came back home.
I am glad that she didn’t have to suffer anymore. She had been sick so much of her life. Hospital visits were a part of life. She always came back home though. It was so scary that this time she wouldn’t be.
I was always short with people, before I came to know the Lord. I often felt like I was being interrupted. As if my life, and my problems were more important than anyone else’s. This spilled over to both of my parents a lot, because I was around them a lot. And their age and quirks that they had drove me nuts. But still, I tried to take care of them.
I’m telling you all of this for a reason. We don’t know how long we have on this earth, or how long our loved ones will be with us. Don’t stay angry at someone…better yet, don’t get angry. We can’t get through life without getting into an argument, but we don’t have to let it strain our relationships. We don’t have to hang onto the anger, or carry it with us every day. What we have can be gone in a twinkling. Friendships, families, have all been ruined because of anger. You just don’t know if at the end of the day, the people that are a part of your life will still be a part of it. You don’t know if you will still be here. Things can happen in a split second to change everything. Don’t let people leave your lives while holding anger towards them in your heart.
Let the anger go, and let the love flow.
4:26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
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| Wow. Tough lesson to learn, but praise God that you no longer walk in the condemnation of it. This is such a good and true word. Through the hardest times, we seem to learn some important lessons. Thank you for sharing, and being so transparent. |
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Charlie |
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December 10, 2007 at 12:37pm |
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Deb thank you for being so open about this. What a life changing lesson this can be if we all will just grab a hold of it. About 20 years ago my wife's pastor at the time and the man of God who married us, told us in marriage counseling to never let the sun go down on our anger. I will confess that it is not easy to do but we have tried to stay true to that over the years.
You are so right as we never know what the next moment will hold.
Thank you again for this lesson and for letting God work through you. |
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You know, it is a scary thought that one day we will stand before the Lord for every idle word spoken. I have a situation that I feel very angry about. I shared it with a friend & found out that in my anger, I sinned b/c I gossipped to her. Dern gossip! I hate that. Lord forgive me for sinning in my anger. Thanks for the blog Deb. God used it to correct me.
Shannon |
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Gene |
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December 10, 2007 at 1:38pm |
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Deb, you know from reading my blog over the last week that my situation was a bit different - but not that much. When my mother died, I too felt responsible. Somehow, I suppose that's our nature. Still, God touched you and you were open to growing as a result. Even in those dark times, God reaches us and brings us up - maybe now, maybe later, maybe quite a bit later but it happens.
Peace! |
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JayKTX |
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December 10, 2007 at 2:40pm |
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| I can identify as my mom died unexpectedly, too. And I knew, like you did, toward the end that her body was there but she wasn't. I, too, struggled with regrets. Today, my father is still alive at 86. Because of what I learned with my Mom, I try to live toward him in a way so I won't regret anything. But he can be difficult and sometimes it's hard. So thank you for reminding me of a beautiful truth: Let the anger go and the love flow. |
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| thank you so much for sharing your feelings... I placed my mother in a nursing home a couple of month ago and I still beat myself up about it . Even though I know it was best it stil hurts A LOT and I find myself watching to see if people react badly to the decision I had to make. It's crazy but it's the way satan works. LIfe is so short and we need to learn to forgive,forget and show our love to one another every day. I truly enjoy your blogs... it amazes me still how I am able to relate to so many of them. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS! |
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| Deb, that is a serious message which I hope every reader takes deeply to heart. A few moments of discomfort or annoyance can turn into a lifetime of regret very easily. We need to put the anger away, as you say. Or put another way, preemptively forgive! ~mike |
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This is a very eye opening message Deb!
I can feel your heart towards your mother. I miss my mom too!
Here's a link to a song I think you'll enjoy.
In the words of Elvis, "I'm gonna tell my mamma howdy, when I get home"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYChPaVqxDU |
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Jen |
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December 10, 2007 at 5:26pm |
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| Thanks for sharing this, Deb. Excellent word! |
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Denise |
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December 11, 2007 at 8:40am |
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Deb, hugs to you and thank you so much for sharing this. I can look back at things that I said or ways I acted and know that it is too late to recall those moments and try to make them better, but as you said I have forgiven myself for those things and press forward with the mind set that they won't be repeated with others.
Letting the anger go....that says it all.
Again this is beautiful Deb thanks for the testimony |
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Janeice |
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December 11, 2007 at 10:03am |
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| This has come at such a good time for me, thank you for this reminder, I have been having so much trouble with my daughter and she is sixteen and makes me so mad. A very nice reminder that we live such a short time in this world and we need to make sure no matter what our lights shine for Jesus. Thanks again Deb, I know this must of been very hard for you. |
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Deb |
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December 11, 2007 at 12:47pm |
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Lara, I find it easier to be transparent when I can type the words, rather than speak to someone face to face. I probably wouldn't share so much of myself, if I were to share it amongst a group. Writing or typing, is much easier!
Charlie, thank you for sharing. I never really realized how my anger and impatience hurt others. Because I was so self centered. Through trial and error, and accepting Christ, I have been made aware. I used to get mad at someone and hold a grudge, but I have changed my ways now. Life is too short to stay mad.
Shannon, I am glad that God used this blog to speak to you. We all have issues to deal with, and if I can help someone by what God guides me to write, then that is great. To Him be the glory!
Gene, I think the biggest times of growth for me have been the times I went through difficult situations. God used those times, even before I knew Him, and they have all had a hand in shaping me into who I am today.
Lupe's Wife, thank you girlfriend!
JayKTX, my dad was extra hard to get along with, but my mom and I had a good relationship. After she died, my dad became more contrary, and it was so hard to be around him. It is extremely difficult not getting angry at someone who is so negative. I don't know if that helps your situation with your dad, but know that you are not alone!
Cheryl, I used to work in a nursing home, so I know where you are coming from. I witnessed it a lot. People felt bad about taking their loved ones to a place like that. Other people just brought them there and never had any more to do with them. Those places exist for people who cannot take care of their loved ones anymore. Depending on the level of care needed, you cannot kill yourself trying to take care of someone else. If the nursing home she is in is a good one, you made the right choice. It doesn't mean that you love her any less, but that you care enough to make sure she gets the proper care. God bless you.
Mike, thank you, and I like the phrase you used...preemptively forgive.
Michael, thanks for the link.
Jen, thanks!
Denise, thank you!
Janeice, I hope that you can put away your anger towards your daughter. I know kids can try your patience to the max, and I know you still love her even when she makes you mad. Just make sure she knows that!
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| Your blog touched my heart, Deb. I'm struggling with not being mad/angry/bitter/hurt at family who hurt me (emotionally.) They are so opposite of the way I live. It's hard when you try to do a 'good deed' for someone, (especially when they ask for the help), then they turn it all around and make YOU out to be the bad guy. People who never take responsiblity for their actions or think they are always the victim are hard to deal with. Especially when it's family! I know I have forgiven them but can't bring myself to communicate with them right now. The first step is the hardest :[ |
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Deb |
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December 12, 2007 at 12:55pm |
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| Lisa, yes, the first step is the hardest. And when they continually hurt you, it is even harder. With my dad, he was just so negative, and every time I went to see him, I would leave there feeling so bad about myself and life. I would go home and take it out on Jim. It wasn't fair to him, that is for sure. I felt bad about my mom, and her situation, and I wish I had handled it differently. If only we could go back and undo the mistakes we make. |
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| Deb, thanks for, once again, sharing something that is so hard, so close to the heart, and so real to so many of us. |
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| Deb, I am the same way....you all know WAAAAAAYYYYYY more about me than ppl at church....they would likely be stunned, because they know pretty much nothing about my past; maybe that I was divorced.....and I have been there 3+ years, so I am not one to do this either, in person. I know what you're saying. This is why MyChurch.org is so wonderful!!!! |
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Kathy |
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December 13, 2007 at 5:02am |
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| Great message, Deb. Guilt is such a universal reaction to losing someone we love, but none of us will ever be perfect. Thankfully God forgives us, and our loved ones surely want us to move on and live free and happy lives, preserving memories of them but not regrets. A prayer for you, Deb, especially this Christmas season! |
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Deb |
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December 13, 2007 at 10:48am |
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DC, thank you :)
Lara, I agree that MyChurch is wonderful. I am glad to know that I am not the only one that shares more here than I would around people in person.
Kathy, thank you for the prayer and your comments. I have good memories of past times with both of my parents, and thankfully, I think of them more than the regrets. |
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| Your comment, "You just don’t know if at the end of the day, the people that are a part of your life will still be a part of it. You don’t know if you will still be here. Things can happen in a split second to change everything.", is SO true. Much WISDOM in this blog, Deb. |
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Deb |
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December 14, 2007 at 12:07pm |
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| Yahschild, thank you so much for your comments. |
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| Thanks for teh reminder.I often view things as interuptions and tend to get short.My mom is in the begining stages of Althizmers & I'm not always as patient as I should be.Thanks. |
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Deb |
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December 20, 2007 at 11:25am |
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The Light, thank you for your comments. I am glad that I was there for my mom. I know she probably understood me better than anyone. I love her and still miss her so much.
racunpoodle, yep, it is so easy to feel like you are being interrupted during the day. Alzheimer's is horrible, and it will take a great amount of patience for you and your mom. At least that is one good thing, my mom had a good mind up until she died. |
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Lucy |
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January 16, 2008 at 12:38pm |
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| Wow amazing. This blog has certainly touched my heart. I will comment more later. I am @ work now. Deb, hope to get to know you. God Bless. Lucy, Massachusetts. |
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Deb |
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January 17, 2008 at 5:57am |
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| Lucy, I am glad that this touched you. I appreciate your comments and look forward to getting to know more about you! |
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