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| Defusing an Argument |
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| Article:Liberty Online Ministries http://www.libertyonlineministries.com | | | Defusing an Argument |  | | | |
| Conflict is a part of life. It comes at us no matter where we are or what time of day it is. If we are caught off guard we may say or do something that we will regret. Sometimes we have a tendency to make matters worse rather then helping a situation. Below are some suggestions of what to say when you find yourself in an argument.
Remember, conflict should have at its goal restoration. Try to use these suggestions next time you find yourself in an argument.
- I really appreciate your concern about this.
- Thank you for being interested in this problem.
- I am glad you are concerned about this.
- Am I hearing you correctly?
- Am I hearing you right? Is this what you are saying?
- Would you repeat that please?
- Could you repeat that a different way?
- I see this is important to you; therefore it is to me.
- Let me think about that for a minute.
- (Show genuine concern for the other person)
- Thank you for taking time to share this with me.
- Do you have any suggestions as to what I could do to improve in this area? (Show appreciation!)
- Did I hear you say it upsets you when I… (Have a thankful spirit!) Thank you for sharing this with me.
- Are you saying you want me to discuss issues of this kind with you before I make a decision? (Be thankful!)
- I am interested in what you are saying, but I’m not clear about what you mean. Could you say it another way?
- Let me see if I am hearing you correctly.
- How could I do that differently?
- What, exactly, is it you see that I am doing, or doing wrong?
- I was not clearly seeing that.
- Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
- I am glad you pointed that out to me.
- When did that happen? I wasn’t alert to that. (Be careful about the use of this statement. Make sure it is true!)
- I see that is important to you, so I’ll make it a point to be more alert to it.
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| This is great advice for married couples. One of the things I do with men is to give them a similar approach to understanding where there wife is coming from. This is great, thanks Pastor Tim. |
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| Thanks Brad. I usually don't cut and paste articles, but I thought that this article had so many good suggestions that I had to post it. |
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| Thanks Pastor Tim, great list! Actually, I memorized that list years ago and have been using them every day ever since to defuse arguments........NOT! lol (I wish) Seriously though, I think all of these can be summarized in a word... humility! ~mike |
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| A good list for us to (try) follow. Thanks, I'm going to share this and I'm glad you copied and pasted! |
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MaKelly |
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December 10, 2007 at 5:11pm |
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Pastor Time OUTSTANDING BLOG Thanks for sharing I needed it
Excellent, I must copy and past this, because when I write or speak because I'm very out spoken on what I belive and what I do it seams to comes out wrong to some and I belive it's sounds like I'm either affending or denfending but it just the way I talk, I'm not trying to hurt anyone that's just not me, or put anyone down, But I do apprecaite if some does come back and let me know if I done something or said something that they didn't like or understand that I said or did get it out so it can be cleared up just like you said. |
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MaKelly |
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December 10, 2007 at 5:12pm |
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| Forgive me for the type o in your name Pastor Tim |
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| This is good....and true...but how am I suppose to remember that when I am in the midst of ripping a piece off of somebody? lol! Just kidding.... |
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Mike, I think that you touched on one of the central reasons for quarells, which is pride. 4:1 Whence `come' wars and whence `come' fightings among you? `come they' not hence, `even' of your pleasures that war in your members? 4:2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and covet, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war; ye have not, because ye ask not. 4:3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may spend `it' in your pleasures. 4:4 Ye adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore would be a friend of the world maketh himself an enemy of God. 4:5 Or think ye that the scripture speaketh in vain? Doth the spirit which he made to dwell in us long unto envying? 4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore `the scripture' saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble.
Cheryl and MaKelly, I am like you ladies. I try to do these points but sometimes fall short
Lara, I am planning to use these points to let me know what I should have sad. lol |
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| Whoops. I meant to say "said" not "sad" |
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Gene |
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December 11, 2007 at 7:02am |
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By and large I think arguments occur when each person wants control of the situation.
I am a major proponent of the mantra, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way." A good leader knows when to apply each of those. And a Christ centered leader will do so in all humility. As followers, we need to recognize that while our good ideas may have merit, they may not necessarily work in a broader context which only the leader may have.
Arguments also occur when leaders don't take the time to listen to those who have relevant and recent information. The leader-follower arrangement requires that each participant have a team oriented perspective.
Arguments between fellow Christians are no different. Christ intended us to be united, to be one. He intended us to be in a community-based relationship with each other in which we support and encourage each other. And at times we are also called to admonish one another. But it is a combination of pride, power, and control that causes us to take offense when correction is offered.
The surest way to defuse an argument is to first reconnect with God through Christ, to recognize His presence in us and around us, to dwell on His love for us, and to identify His action upon our lives. This, in turn, equips us for responding appropriately and humbly to the situation at hand.
Gene |
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Gene,
Very well said. I really liked what you said about first connecting with God. Great point! |
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Deb |
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December 11, 2007 at 12:26pm |
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| Excellent advice! |
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I think a lot of this would be useful in a lot of relationships. As you know I work in an addictions house. Might steal this and let some of the therapists check it out. Then I'll give them a heads up on the on-line magazine. A little guerilla witnessing eh!
Thanks for the post. |
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| Dave, I agree. I believe that they could use this! |
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