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| The two most beautiful words… |
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The two most beautiful words in the English language, when you put them together, are "I'm sorry." Why so beautiful? Because they bring people back together! These are the words of reconciliation. Say these words (and mean them) to someone who's angry at you, and then dare them not to smile, say they're sorry in return, or perhaps even reach out and hug you. There’s something about “I’m sorry” that just demands a merciful response. These two little words have managed to end great rifts between souls who previously shared some aspect of life prior to conflict or crime, and who appeared to be far beyond ever reconciling.
Are you waiting for an “I’m sorry” from someone else? Then you know how precious those words will be when they come. The healing power in these two words is astounding! In fact, it’s almost magical how an offended person’s face and demeanor softens upon hearing those words.
Speaking of great rifts, there is perhaps none greater than the rift between heaven and hell. And it is the words “I’m sorry” that bridge that gap. What sinner, realizing the magnitude of his offense against God, doesn’t begin their rebirth with the words “I’m sorry”?
So, given all the good that comes from these words, why are they so hard to say?
It’s almost comical watching my children saying “I’m sorry” to each other. Since there’s always more than one person at fault, they argue over who will say it first. Or they say it in a hurried, uncaring, or business-like way, just to get it over with. Or they mutter it under their breathe, so quietly that the other one can’t even hear it!
We grown-ups can be just as bad though, too. Yes, it can be very difficult to say “I’m sorry”, but don’t we always kick ourselves for not saying it sooner! If we hold out and refuse to say it, we can be left with regrets to last a lifetime. Life is too great a gift to risk spoiling it with regrets!
Indeed, the two most beautiful words in our language are “I’m sorry”… Let us never be slow to use them when they are needed! |
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Such a valuable lesson, and so true.
Do you remember the phrase "Love means never having to say, "I'm sorry"?
Love means frequently having to say "I'm sorry!" |
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Joey |
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December 13, 2007 at 12:41pm |
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| I'm sorry............ I put that potty on your page |
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| I'm sorry, very powerful words. |
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I'm a little confused with Joey's remark up there...
Anyway, I had a business partner a few years ago, also a family member, and we had some different philosophies on how to do business. So, we parted ways, and it wasn't pretty. It wasn't pretty on their side, and I did and said a few things that could have been left undone and/or unsaid. So, fast forward a few years, the rift was spread even wider as they told their side of the story to some other family members and now I have lost cordial relations with two sisters, a brother-in-law, a niece, and my own mother. Funny thing is is that nothing I did or said was really nothing more than a minor, very minor infraction.
My wife and I spent over an hour with my former business partner/sister and discussed things and it sounded like it was behind us. But apparently what she said to our face was not what she really felt. So, back to square one.
More time passes and I decide to try again. I emailed her and said I think we should get things back to where they should be and put this behind us once and for all. I go on to say I think it is time to forgive and forget.
A few days pass.
I get an email and you can tell she's not ready to let go. She wants to know what she has done that she needs to be forgiven for. So, we're still not there, but I have tried many times to resolve things. It wasn't easy to try but it gets harder each time.
I pray for them all the time and ask God to bless them in all that they do and to soften their hearts and reconcile.
So, I've said it, and I've meant it, and I'm still sorry. She hasn't said it, and isn't sorry, and apparently believes she has nothing to be sorry for.
I depend on God.
He's the only one in a two-person relationship that truly has nothing to be sorry for if there is a rift. I tell Him I'm sorry several times a week and He always forgives me. |
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Michael, interesting. On the one hand love means never having to say you're sorry - that would be of course love perfectly expressed, right? On the other hand, love means saying your sorry on a daily basis - that would be realistic love, imperfectly expressed. The kinda love I can identify. The love Lau.. so much that I actually say the words "I'm sorry" pretty frequently. Heck, I even say I'm sorry when I'm not at fault.
That's another aspect of those words I didn't address above. When something hurts someone which we had nothing to do with, we often say "I'm sorry" as a means of expressing our empathy and compassion. I say again, what beautiful words!
Joey, apology accepted. :-)
(I'll pass your apology along to Lau.., who saw that picture and has had troubling dreams ever since....)
Thanks Cheryl!! Those words have been very impactful in my life - especially when I say then from a kneeling position. |
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| Randy, that's a complicated situation!! Perhaps "I'm sorry" sounds trivial in your case. There are certainly those exceptional situations where people choose bitterness over reconciliation for whatever reason. May I ask one question? Did your apology stop at "I'm sorry", or was there something she could have perceived as a condition on your apology? |
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Gene |
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December 13, 2007 at 4:06pm |
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Sorry, Mike
(Hey,! that's two words too!)
I was cheering for "Thank you" when I read your title. But I'll agree with your post. Reconciliation is God's plan since the beginning. |
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I have found as an ADULT that "I'm sorry" is a great stress reliever... It clears your heart and head.
My grandkids on the other hand seem to choke on the words and being the grandmother that I am they not only say I am sorry (with sincere feelings) but they have to say what they are sorry for...
When I said "I'm sorry" to MY FATHER that is when my heart opened to him.
Great blog Mike |
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In answer to your question MnL, I don't believe anything could have been construed as being conditional. She heard and read my apology but she did not accept it nor offer one of her own.
I know that harboring bitterness is going to hurt them and that's one of the things I pray about for them.
See you at mychurch! |
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| How true this is....how old are your kids, because I act just like them! lol No, seriously...quite embaressed, I admit it; when it comes to saying sorry with my husband, i act like a kid! |
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| Great post it spoke to me. God Bless You! |
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That was wondeful...and now a poem.
Roses are red
the sky can seem blue
if I, sir, am sorry
who in the heck are you?
(c) 2007 |
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| By the way, I'm sorry for that last remark. This is an excellent blog...really speaks truth. |
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| The Biible says he has given us the ministry of reconciliation, not just to help people be reconciled to God. We are also called to be reconciled to one another. This simple two word phrase can do more to reconcile a relationship than anything I know. Thanks for reminding me that reconciliation is more important than our pride. |
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I guess the two words "you're sorry" don't carry the same gift. I just tried that with my wife...haha. Pastor Tim, the ministry of reconciliation...excellent. I forget who said it but I remember hearing and it has always stuck with me...if we cannot be reconciled to eachother in love what makes us think we are reconciled to God.
Who requires more grace from he or she who caused the wound...One who is innocent or one who is guilty? If Christ, who was innocent, has reconciled me...then I serve Him...He has given me the service (ministry) of reconciliation. IT IS OUR JOB...interesting |
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Gene, I am with you on the beauty of "thank you" as well. When this spilled out onto the keyboard however, reconciliation was on my mind. I'm sorry! :-)
Overcomer, many of us can identify with you in waiting for apologies. Does that make it easier for us to say I'm sorry or harder. Easier b/c we know the pain of waiting and waiting, or harder b/c we become cynical about apologies, relationships, etc. perhaps becoming bitter in the process. I don't know, just thinking out loud. Maybe both are true depending on the person....
Mary, thanks for your thoughts. Yes apologies once uttered are a tremendous stress reliever, attesting to the healing powers of the words! It just occurred to me, public apologies were very much in vogue recently as politicians issued official "apologies" for things like Hiroshima, slavery, etc. Frankly I don't know how much good an official apology coming from someone who had nothing to do with the original offense does, but that also attests to the power of those two little words!
chafas, we're brothers, you'd better love me! ;-) Thanks for your comment bro.
Randy, alrighty then. I guess in your case the apology wasn't accepted. She really seems like one bitter, self consumed person unfortunately. I pray God gives you ample opportunities to crack through that shell.
Doyle, thanks for letting me know this spoke to you. That means more to me than you know!
Laura w/o the 'u' (Lara), our kids are pretty young, so you'd better be kidding! Actually I jest. Believe me, we can all be very petty and childlike when it comes to the way we treat our spouses. Thank goodness mine is full of grace, that's all I can say!
Patrick, thank you (for the compliment). Has it been a long day for ya. You seem a little punchy! Of course, I always appreciate hearing from you, o' knowledgeable and experienced one! |
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Thanks Pastor Tim! Indeed, acc to 2 Cor 5 ours is the ministry of reconciliation! The Gospel is a gospel of reconciliation, and when we share the Gospel we are sharing the message of reconciliation! Of course, when Christians harbor unforgiveness, I can't think of anything that damages that ministry more. How do you share a message of reconciliation when you yourself refuse to be reconciled!!
Excellent point Patrick!
[Related blog: Be reconciled to each other] .... which I may repost, now that you mention it, Pastor Tim! |
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| Long month Mike...very long week...and I am up much later that I should be...lots on the brain...and this post is speaking to me...reconciliation. As mad as I want to be with as much right as I might have...we have the obligation to be reconciled to eachother...such a difficult thing sometimes. |
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Very True, and it's something I've neglected. I've really abused this sentence so many times. Where as I'm sorry meant, I really need to manipulate one more time. So very often I'm sorry needs to be backed up by a willingness to change. Words I often have to choke out of my mouth are "I was wrong".
This is an excelent post. We are commanded to Love one another and we can't Love one another if we are all busy being tight.
I'm Sorry the Colts beat the Ravens. |
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"Long month Mike...very long week...and I am up much later that I should be..."
Oh boy can I identify with that! Man can I ever..... To bed after this comment...
"to be reconciled to eachother...such a difficult thing sometimes..."
I think we can all think of someone like that. Some of us maybe more than others. Yet such blessings come after the reconciliation has been won. I say won, b/c it really is like a prize fought for in battle. To encourage, I'll tell ya about a guy in my office who despised me, maybe partially rightly so. Only partially, mind you. I think he took something I said, and the way I said it, and twisted it to make more of it than he ought. Anyway, he treated me with such contempt in the office for a couple of years. By the grace of God however, I consistently responded with conciliatory words and gestures. I went beyond fair in the way I treated him. Eventually I think he must have seen through his own twisted conception of who I was, b/c just a couple months ago I took him and a few others out to lunch, and he gave me the warmest most sincere "thank you" I've ever received from anyone at work. That was something I will never forget. In that moment, our past difficulties melted completely away! (No, he never said "I'm sorry" for the way he treated me those 2-3 yrs, but that's ok. I've forgiven, and am just glad to have a good working relationship.)
It ain't much but I'll be praying for you tonight Patrick. ~mike |
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Dave, when the Ravens beat Indy, I will be there to remind you of this.... Oh, I promise bro..... |
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Hey Mike, good word. Let us not forget to own whatever we are sorry for. It is not enough to say the words, but to connect them to the wrong we have caused. I'm sorry for... Wisdom Principle: The Proof Of Repentance Is Restitution. We must right the wrong. Blessings, ~DR |
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The Lord is really bringing this point home to me. I was unhappy with the direction a loved one was taking and angry that another loved one was influencing them. After talking with them, the next morning I woke up convicted that I piled on guilt and condemnation and was manipulative. I felt the Lord prompting me to apologize. I later ran accross a weekly email message I got from Francis Frangipane on the harm anger can do intitled "When Trust is Established" Oct 31, 2007, again the Lord stressed apologizing when I read:
...If you know someone who is carrying unresolved anger toward you or someone else, Jesus tells us we are not to simply ignore their condition. In fact, He plainly tells us He expects us to do something about it. Remarkably, just after warning about anger's hellish consequences, in the very next verse He says, "If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering" (v.23). Jesus requires us to actually leave our offering, exit the "church service," and do what we can to reconcile with our offended brother. To the Son of God, reconciliation is more important than fulfilling our religious service...
I wanted to pass this on to my kids but before I could the Lord also reminded me of a receptionist I had been angry with and a bit rude to the day before. I know I left her angry (because she was more angry and rude back to me). The Lord had me call back the next day to apologize. I had a "right" to be angry but it served no good purpose to pour it all out on her. I got the same lady, told her I called to appologize and told her the Lord convicted me about the angry call. She said over and over as we talked and had a friendly conversation "you don't know how much this means to me." She went on to tell me that the warranty company made it hard to give good service but their company was at fault also. She said she talks to angry people all day long because of it. We had a friendly chat and both left that conversation feeling so much better, God is always right in what He asks, you know! THEN to top it off I go to church that night (which was last night) and my pastor teaches on reconciliation and what harm anger can do (the teaching overcomer mentioned).... THEN I find this blog today! The Lord much REALLY want me to get this one!!
Thank you for your timely blog.
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| I am sorry almost as powerful as I understand |
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Surely Shirley, you are a very wise woman indeed!
She said over and over as we talked and had a friendly conversation "you don't know how much this means to me." .....This is personal testimony to the importance of those two little words. Thank you for sharing this Shirley, it is as valuable a reminder as the blog above how huge an impact we can have when we are quick to say "I'm sorry".
When I read "THEN I find this blog today!" it was a wonderful confirmation to me that the Lord was the One who prompted me to write this, which is very important for me to know. Thank you for blessing me by letting me know, Shirley!
(Thank you Patrick, those words are soothing as well!) |
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| Dr Thomas, I agree with the wisdom principle you shared, though I might add "to the greatest extent that it is possible." Thanks for your valuable insight! |
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Eliza |
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December 14, 2007 at 5:46am |
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| Hey Mike, great blog...I find myself during my transformation, saying a lot of I'm sorry's...It's hard, but my husband sure likes it... : ) Right before my sister passed away, she said she was sorry to me, and I also in return, and it was like a burden was lifted... |
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Dennis, thanks for your post! Yes, "I'm wrong" or "It's my fault" can be very powerful too. Though I'm not sure that when they stand on their own they carry as much weight as "I'm sorry". In fact, they both kind of beg for "I'm sorry" as a follow-up, don't they? In contrast, it seems to me that a simple and sincere "I'm sorry" does stand on its own, and can even imply (w/o coming out and saying it) "it's my fault."
I'm embarassed to say there have been times where I have admitted fault, but wasn't sorry! I just wasn't ready to reconcile, but instead basked in my indignant state for a while longer. That's part of the problem I have with anything other than "I'm sorry", which to me (and I think most people) clearly sends the message of a desire to admit fault and reconcile.
Thanks Eliza! I have also found that "I'm sorry" is very good for my marriage! :-) |
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Glenn |
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December 14, 2007 at 6:18am |
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Hey Mike, I tend to agree with Tropical here, we need to make sure we own our responsibility in the issue before "I'm sorry" can carry any weight. Once we own our "Fault" we can truly use the term I'm sorry.
Another thought, on the subject, we can offer the heart felt apology, but we can't make the other person respond to the apology, but that does not mean we should not off the apology. We are only responsible for our heart, not what is in another person's heart. Just a thought.
peace |
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| "We are only responsible for our heart"... Amen Glenn. True, we can't make the other person respond, but I would bet that many more times than not, a sincere "I'm sorry" will not only be accepted but cherished. Sometimes those are the only words that are needed, but often they act as the bridge to further dialogue. I would agree with both of you guys that we shouldn't stop at "I'm sorry." But to me it seems those two words convey the watershed moment of the heart, the point where relationship is set on the course of reconciliation. Thanks for your thoughts Glenn, I always treasure them! |
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Deb |
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December 14, 2007 at 11:40am |
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| Hey Mike, great blog once again. I think these words are very important to any relationship, but we have to be careful to not overuse them. I have had people in my life who constantly say they are sorry, and it takes away from the meaning of it...like it is just a natural reaction to say it and that makes everything ok. If your heart doesn't feel it, then the words are just words. |
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| That's an interesting take Deb! Hmmm, makes me wonder if they really mean it when they say it. Some people struggle with self acceptance, they are so hard on themselves, they expect to fall short all the time and therefore have the apology already on their lips whenever they approach people. Thanks for your thoughts Deb! ~mike |
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| Ummm.......I forgive you Arlene? :-) |
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Arlene brings up another good point. The friends list. "Top Ten" seems to show a little too much favoritism. In my opinion, the friends list should randomly be shown according to who has posted most recently, or according to activity.
Let's Protest! |
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| Shhh. Michael, I'll make you one of my top ten if you keep this between you and me. |
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Laugh Mike.....What are you worried about? If friends were listed according to activity you would be at the top of everyone's friends list still anyway!
Love you man! |
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Libia |
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December 14, 2007 at 9:34pm |
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Mike I love say sorry when is necessary.Some people some time forget that |
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Dennis, hopefully when you are in an important relationship with someone you love (wife, child, parent, close friend, etc.), you will trust them enough to accept what you perceive as a sincere "I'm sorry", w/o demanding actions to back it up. That is from the perspective of the recipient of an apology. Remember, love always trusts.
Now for the perspective of the one offering the apology. I never said that a mere "I'm sorry" is all we should offer. You are right, apologies w/o actions are meaningless, at least from the perspective of the one receiving the apology. A sincere apology is always followed by a change of heart. Reconciliation in a relationship never stops at "I'm sorry".
If a person receives an "I'm sorry" from a loved one, and responds with "well that's nice to hear, now you had better back that up with action", well that just isn't a healthy relationship, is it? When cynicism enters a relationship, rough waters are ahead. Can a heart that harbors cynicism be filled with the Holy Spirit at the same time? |
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The most beautiful conversation consists of five words.
"I'm sorry."
"I forgive you."
.....peace.....
.....peace..... |
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The truly repentant one does not set any conditions or terms. They express their sorrow for their offense and then allow those offended to decide if they are forgiven are not. The truly repentant do not expect or demand forgiveness but certainly hope for it. They will wait if the offended needs time to heal or process their emotions. Sometimes the repentant do not receive forgiveness. In such case they can only pray for those they have harmed.
.....peace..... |
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| Two perfect posts, Gordon. Your second completely captures the spirit of "I'm sorry" that was intended at the writing of this blog. Thank you! ~mike |
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This is a good blog. Not everyone who we ask to forgive us...will forgive us, but that reason does not lessen our responsibility to do what the Lord asks of us. If the Lord is really convicting our hearts of something, then we need to do it. We need to make that phone call, or write that letter, or go and see the person offended. If they do not accept it...understand that they were hurt...and pray for them...and ourselves...so we treat others as we would wish to be treated.
Cathy |
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Procyon |
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December 21, 2007 at 12:20am |
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| Wow. This is great. You hit the nail on the head. And I feel convicted already! |
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| this touched my heart man. |
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Kathy |
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December 24, 2007 at 7:44pm |
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Mike, I'm just now getting around to reading this blog! I'm sorry! :)
Great lesson here. And sincerity is important. The words are only magic when they are sincere! |
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