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| Really, I didn’t mean it that way... |
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If I think something is funny, but the person I am speaking to doesn’t, is it really funny? (This is not a philosophical question.) Part of my problem is a dry sense of humor. The other part is I’m not funny. Of course, I could be writing in jest even now, just don’t lose any sleep trying to figure that out.
Dry humor relies on a certain expectation of wit. Without this expectation, people are easily left scratching their heads wondering if the person was serious or not. It has been said that dry humor is the least risky of comic styles, because if a joke bombs, the humorist always has plausible deniability (i.e. he can deny he was actually joking).
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if I was really serious when making certain statements. Sadly, even my own wife asks me this question from time to time.
Which brings me to the real point of this post. When writing an email or post to an online forum, “tone” is especially difficult to convey, and very easily misconstrued! I’ve found it’s important to go out of my way to communicate the proper tone, or at least not communicate the wrong tone! Like many people who post comments online, I’ve had to go back and say “I didn’t mean it that way” more than once!
In order to reduce the number of times I have to do that, I’ve found the following practices helpful..
1.) Use of exclamation marks to exaggerate greetings and compliments, e.g. “Hi Bob! Great post!!” You must know that I am excited to be communicating with you, even if I don’t agree with your entire post
2.) Emoticons!!     These things restore the missing element of facial expression – plus add to the fun of commenting. The main drawback of course is, using emoticons takes more time. Note: I’ve read that the smiley toolbars you can install contain spyware. I don’t know for sure, but it wouldn’t surprise me one bit. Oh, and for those who choose to remain primitive, or are simply in too big a hurry to find the proper smiley, there's always the sideways smile. :-)
3.) Typing LOL ("laughing out loud") to convey a lighthearted spirit to my reader. Very helpful, since they can't actually see me!
4.) Rereading all of my blogs/comments once or twice (at least) before posting. Taking great care in posting has assuredly saved me many embarrassments to say the least!! (Since it takes more time to post a comment carefully than carelessly, I post less comments – but the reduced likelihood that posts will be taken wrong means it’s worth it, as far as I’m concerned.)
5.) Prayer before posting. Paul says simply, in 1 Thess 5:17, “pray continually.” This implies that we should do nothing without first consulting the Lord. It would be great if I could pray before every post, but admittedly I don’t. I do pray often though as I write blogs and comments. This helps filter out posts motivated by pride, resentment, etc.
While I don’t think the “tips” that I’ve found helpful are widely needed on MyChurch, there is likely someone who can benefit. And of course, if I have to explain less often that “I didn’t mean it that way”, that too would be a good thing!!!
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Great observation Sue. I guess spyware filters can be a blogger's best friend! Or at least a very good one. Thanks for the comment, star, and link! ~mike |
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Denise |
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December 23, 2007 at 4:54am |
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| MERRY CHRISTMAS!! |
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Great post. I need to pay attention to those tips, at times, I need to say I was only joking to.
Merry Christmas! |
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| Great post Merry Christmas! |
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MaKelly |
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December 23, 2007 at 5:57am |
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Mike Excellent
Now tell me how to post the cartoons I have tried and it will not post for me I'm sure I'm doing something wrong |
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Norm |
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December 23, 2007 at 6:41am |
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It has been said that dry humor is the least risky of comic styles, because if a joke bombs, the humorist always has plausible deniability You mean I can use plausible deniability? Actually I think dry humor is one of the riskiest forms of humor because it can so easily be taken the wrong way (or the right way for that matter). If I have a problem with dry humor, it's that it makes communication more complicated. And communication is complicated enough. Now those of you who have read my stuff long enough are probably in trouble right now. You've gone back; reread that previous paragraph somewhere this side of infinite times and are going... Wait. Was he serious there? That's the only type of humor he knows... isn't it? Meanwhile I'm sitting here, thinking... See I just proved my point. :) |
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Merry Christmas!!! (And thanks for the kind remarks Denise, chafas, Jesus Freak, and Doyle!!)
Kathy, you've always been one of the most thoughtful posters on MyChurch, I only posted this blog b/c you didn't! lol (ooh, there's another tip I forgot to include, the famous "lol")
MaKelly, to post cartoon smileys you can either download a smiley toolbar like Sue and Kathy have done, or you can simply go to a website such as this, find the smiley you like, and copy/paste it directly into the textbox where you write your comment. (Copying/pasting is done by right clicking, then click "copy/paste".) |
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Norm,
I've always understood you fairly well, so I know to take absolutely nothing you write seriously.
(See that? If Norm didn't know me well, he'd probably be offended right now!)
Norm, good point about the risk of dry humor, that would be the other kind of risk! ~mike |
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MaKelly |
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December 23, 2007 at 7:39am |
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| THANK YOU MIKE |
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| Mike U can comment on my posts any time and I'll gladly take them the wrong way. Wait a minute do you mean all those things I thought were complements were??? Hay!!! |
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Deb |
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December 23, 2007 at 1:44pm |
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| I have had this problem before, not only on blogs, but in e-mail letters. It is hard to convey sarcasm into writing, and I can be very sarcastic at times, (in a nice way), and no I am not being sarcastic!!!! I appreciate the pointers you have posted, as this will help me! |
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| Nice post or was I being sarcastic? |
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| Great Blog!!! and I really mean it!! I can relate and will take your well thought out tips to heart! Have a Merry Christmas and God Bless! |
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Rosie |
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December 23, 2007 at 2:35pm |
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MIKE YOU ARE THE BEST ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR US TO COMMUNICATE BETTER THAT IS A TEASURE FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE I USED THE ! CORRECTLY SO YOU KNOW I MEAN IT SINCERELY...... |
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Ah, sarcasm. Excellent point, Deb. I have battled this myself! Dry humor can easily be interpreted as sarcasm in an email or blog post. It's never fun explaining that you were simply trying to be silly.
Oh Dave, I was just responding to Deb about sarcasm when I looked up and noticed your post. I promise never to take offense at anything you write, ok? Even if you're being sarcastic!!!!! Which I would not expect of you, but even if you do....  BTW, those really were compliments!
Cheryl and Rosie, thank you for your support! It's obvious that you have a big heart for this community as well! And Rosie, beautiful use of !!!! for emphasis, it's clear to mean that you are mega sincere! |
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Love you both!!
Merry Christmas and peace to you both!
Cathy |
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Thanks Cathy! Now that's a comment that just can't be taken wrong!  |
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JayKTX |
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December 23, 2007 at 9:39pm |
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| n Laur... and I have a lot in common (and she has my sympathy :). My husband and I have been married for almost 45 years and not a day goes by w/o me wondering how he meant something. Ahh well, it keeps life from being boring! |
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hee hee... I'm sorry Jay..  |
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I love this blog. Finally a human that understands me... oh yea !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (exclamation mark to convey my much gracious enthusiasm that someone else has a sense of humar like mEEEEEEEEE)
hey... I didnt realize mychurch had smilie?!!! where are they? |
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| Mike--I appreciate your heart and your humor. Don''t change a thing unless it makes you look more like Jesus than you already do. (And we all look much better in the future than we do right now, eh?). Love ya, bro. Christmas blessings and joy to you and yours!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Wendee, thank you. It is good to know that I'm not alone!! LOL
Thanks Don - I appreciate that so much. And the Christmas wishes have been reciprocated bro! |
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Judy |
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December 26, 2007 at 11:33pm |
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Is it possable that things we joke about are really things we think or feel. I've been told that there is always some truth in what people say. . .even when they say they didn't mean it the way it was said.
My other thought is that some people will take things the wrong way no matter what. He all have our own filters on. We all hear things in our own way. The trick to good communications is to turn off our own filters and hear what the person is really saying.
When I tell people my brother died by suicide I risk hearing about what a sin it is. In the end it is my choice to let what someone says upset me or not. People say things all the time. It doesn't make it true just to say it.
You will find in the bible that we need to be respectful of other peoples beliefs. This doesn't mean we have to share them. It takes a special person to be able to speak out of love. Our words to other people must come from God and not ourselves. In the end some will still be hurt or upset no matter what. |
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Lara, when you're outspoken, those are the risks, aren't they? :-)
Judy, what great points! It's true, some people will take offense no matter how many smilies, exclamation pts, and LOL's I use. And once in while I've seen that. But the practices I listed have also helped me in many cases. It certainly doesn't help things when my comments to folks who don't know me are abrupt with little or no expression. They can be taken any way the reader chooses! (And as you pointed out, some readers want to take things wrong no matter what.) Thanks for the comments Judy! |
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Eric |
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December 28, 2007 at 8:18am |
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| You can also take hints from Dave Barry by familiarizing yourself with how he writes and conveys the attitude. I'm pretty sure he doesn't follow (2), (3), or (5), so with your additional arsenal you theoretically can't lose! ;) |
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| Ok, who's Dave Barry? Sounds like I need to know! |
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LorenDP |
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December 28, 2007 at 8:56am |
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| Dave Barry is a folk type author from the midwest....I think he's from the midwest....he's hilarious. Writes about family stuff. You can probably google some of his stuff online. |
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| Thanks Loren! I think I've found the source of all things Dave Barry. Why hadn't I heard of him before? Because I live in a cave, just like Elijah did. |
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| Help us out here Dennis, what's got ya stumped?? lol |
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Gene |
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December 29, 2007 at 11:17am |
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;))
Peace! |
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| Mike, Since you really didn't mean it that way....... How did you mean it !?! ! |
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| Paul, I meant it the good way! :-) Gene, I try my best to keep the _____ ! |
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| Excellent reminder Mike. In communication there is what is called the 7%, 38%, 55% rule, or as sum call it, the three v's. This rule says that communication is 7% verbal (what we say), 38% Vocal (tone of voice), and 55% visual (body langauge). The points that you gave will help people properly communicate what they really mean. This is important for online communication because things like body language and tone of voice can not be seen. |
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| whoops I meant to say "as some call it" |
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| Thanks Pastor Tim, good to hear from you! (It's been a while.) I've never heard of the 7/38/55 rule before, but I'm sure there's truth behind it. Only when all three elements agree is someone truly believable. Interestingly, we can infer tone and body language when reading certain posts. Thus posts meant harmlessly can be taken as offensive, rude, etc. Care must be taken! |
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Cathy |
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December 31, 2007 at 6:57am |
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| GO REDSKINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Oh I get it. You don't really mean that the way it appears, Cathy. lol |
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I REALLY like your tips!! I think another important thing to remember on MyChurch is that we are not blogging to create debate. I find that some see it as an avenue for theological conquests, and I think that's poor motivation. I like the fact that we can share ideas in this forum without hostility, and though I may not agree with everyone's views, I can respectfully discuss Biblical topics without being offensive.
Thanks for your post. I found it very helpful. |
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