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| To My Angels, You Know Who You Are |
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Upon reading a blog I knew God had been dealing with me in his infinite wisdom. But this isnt going to come out right. So just know Im probably gonna mess this up. BIG TIME.
God puts a fire inside of everybody. Wether its lit or not its not my call. But I can fix my candle. Who I am hates who Ive been. Ive done so many bad things. I am the cheif sinner. But its been 21 days since I last touched anything sharp. 17 since my rebirthing. But I admit that if I touch that needle, I still get a sensation that I know something good will come of it. The times I felt truly alive were when I saw the blood running from where Id just opened my wrist. And all the things people said about wrist cutters being depressed, well that was a lie. I didnt feel depressed. But feelings can be misleading. I hesitate in putting this down, for fear of the blessed angels reading this but I cant lie anymore. I do not want her to feel guilty about this and I dont want him to give me that disappointed look that he does so well. It breaks my heart. (Just like the look you gave me when I told you about DD)
I started cutting myself November 22, 2007. Two weeks after my angel showed me her scar. I fellt so guilty that I hadnt noticed before and that I couldnt stop her that I did the very thing that broke my heart. It carried on every three to five days after. I have a scar for her, for DD, for tire and for kana. and I dont want to go back to where I came from I just want to feel that alive again. But anyway, on with my story. I started choking myself summer of 2006 and stopped eating...oh October 2007. If truth be told, I dont want to live. thats just how it is. I dont want to die for real. (Dying to myself might not be so bad though) Planned out my own suicide 4 times in the past year. So anyway. To put a short close on this, God has given me a load that I alone must bear. I doint think I have anymore lies, I do have many more secrets. But to my angels, i am forever sorry for making your lives so terribly miserable. You should try to not help me. Youll only get hurt in the end. I'm sorry. But try to space yourselves away from me. I dont want you to get hurt. I love you and Im sorry. I understand if you dont want to forgive me. With love,
~Maseaela Renee~
Its time to stop running. Theres nothing here to catch me now. Im gonna fall anyway. |
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| To add a comment to "To My Angels, You Know Who You Are" |
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| December 28, 2007 |
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| Com now, you know none of us are going to back down (especially Kiris, she may even be more stubborn than me, and thats saying something) Pain is something all of us have to deal with, but its also something nobody has to, or should go through alone. Come now, if you seriously think that you are making our lives miserable, the you are dead wrong. We all love you, and we dont like seeing you get hurt no matter the cause... I think its about time, i change this to a private message for you to see, so to be contined :-P |
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| December 28, 2007 |
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Todd's right Shelly-Bob, none of us are backing off. At all. I can't force you to tell me anything, or force you to take help from me, but know that I'm here for you. If you ever need to talk I'm here. And know I'll catch you if you need it. I think we all will. |
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| January 25, 2008 |
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| Keep going Our Heavenly Father sees you and Loves YOU! |
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| January 25, 2008 |
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shells God Loves u unconditionally
PROMISES FROM GOD:
Psalm 23:6 . . . Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life.
God pursues us with his love.
Psalm 103:8 . . . The Lord is merciful and gracious . . . full of unfailing love.
God’s love for us never fails.
Romans 8:39 . . . Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Nothing can separate us from God’s love.
1 Corinthians 2:9 . . . No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.
God is doing far more for us than we could ever imagine.
Hebrews 13:5 . . . I will never fail you. I will never forsake you.
God will never leave us or fail us.
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| January 29, 2008 |
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| My dear Sister, right now in the name of Jesus as you are reading this note, You are healed from anything that will hurt your body and your mind! I pray now that you will recieve the Love of Jesus Christ and feel his power , and his peace! I am asking Jesus To take full controll of every thought in your mind and asking him to allow you peace and forgiveness. I clam and believe this in Jesus Name Amen! |
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