Working in a fairly medium-sized Emergency Room that services the entire population of a fairly larged-sized city has proven to be gut wrenching, angst building, and...well, self confrontational. When I first took this job to supplement my income I very calmly told myself that I would be peaceloving, an ambassador for Christ and a prayer warrior for these patients during the short 10-minute time I had to spend with these sick people.


Yeah right.

The patients that come through those doors range from upper working class adults to the homeless. Surprisingly, can you believe which ones are often the most polite? You guessed it (the homeless because they don't have urgent agendas that they try to selfishly impose on everyone else). I get grown people who get mad at me because I ask them twice to please repeat how to spell their last name. I get patients that are fuming because they have to wait 2 hours to see a doctor and they have to be at work in an hour! As hard as I try, I try to understand their plight but my efforts have to go towards holding myself back from hollering expletives and cuss words. Sigh, being nice to people who don't deserve it is very hard. Mercy is the lesson for me in the year 2007. I walked into this job thinking I'd teach someone a thing or two but was shown that I was the one who desperately needed God's guidance.

That makes me think about how Jesus Christ loved us. We, as jacked up as we are have a Savior who loves us in all our sinfulness. He knew us before we even squinted open our baby eyes and blinked them at our mothers. Through rebellious behavior and all our self-centeredness the Lord chooses to be merciful and patient, full of lovingkindness. This is the kind of love we don't often hear about.

The next time I have eyes staring back at me through the doubled paned glass window that are burning with anger and a heart full of rage, I'll remember how the Lord stayed merciful towards me during my wayward days. Even now, He is merciful towards me when I find myself only praying for things that I want. As I sit here, I recall a prayer that I lifted towards the Lord and it was for happiness. I was really down on my luck, what some would call "Rock Bottom." I figured a plain and simple happiness prayer would cover all the bases. I actually thought this prayer would come in the form of a prestigious job opportunity, debt-free, and possibly a great husband. These things haven't happened the way I wanted them to; yet...what is this I feel? BLISS. The lessons that the Lord has taught me sate my heart in a way that words cannot even begin to describe. The Lord took my prayer one step further and gave me happiness in abundance. The great job, good credit, the husband...I know the Lord is preparing me for all these things; but they are all just a by-product of something much more rich and meaningful...a right relationship with Him.

I think the next time I am feeling merciless towards someone I will remember what God did for me. He loved me and, man, what a gift!