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| What the Lord has been teaching me lately |
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I was reading Lara Leger's blog today and what she shared put me in rememberance of something the Lord has been teaching me lately.
I have been asking Him for a long time what to do about my temper. On my mother's side of the family I am from a long line of screamers, my momma was a screamer, my granny was a screamer, etc. so there are times where I find myself functioning in the way that I was brought up. I can not adequately express how much I hate it when I find myself sounding like my mother. I do recognize that I am not as extreme in this area as she was, but the improvement is really not enough for my liking nor for my Christian walk.
Recently my husband and I had a disagreement before we went to bed. We ended up waiting until the morning to talk it out because of how late it was and how unreasonable we both can be when trying to solve a problem so late at night. The next morning as we were talking I realized that the Lord was giving me my answer to the question of what to do with my temper. Acting that way is not an option. Just like I would not spark up a dobe or snort a line of coke because those things are not options to me in my Christian walk--acting like a jerk is no longer an option for me. I said to my husband, "You mean I can't drink, do drugs, smoke, swear, or overeat and now I can't act like a jerk either?!" We both had a good laugh over that one! You see, what I realized is that I have chosen, because of my relationship with Christ, that none of those things are options in my life, not that I can't do them but that I choose not to do them. It is the same thing with my actions when I lose my temper. Acting like a jerk is not an option.
I am recognizing that I am a work in progress. I have perfectionist tendencies so I have to keep reminding myself that what I am striving for is a reasonable amount of progress in a reasonable amount of time. When the Lord teaches me something I can be like, "okay it's all the way or no way". God knows I am only dust, I need to remember that too. Progress not perfection.
So this morning I had a growing moment. I am the mom of three teenage girls (13, 14, 14 soon to be 14, 15, 14). This morning I failed to remember that acting like a jerk is not an option for me. Back when we had a bit more money I invested in an expensive set of lovely cotton sheets. I found them stuffed into the linen closet this morning with almost every other item in the closet in the same condition. We have been going through tough financial times so I am more sensitive about being a good steward of what we do have. That closet was an example of laziness and poor stewardship gone to seed (not to mention the disobedience it took to shove things in when the children were specifically told HOW to put things away). Did I respond in the calmest, nicest way possible? No. Do I want my children treating my eventual grandbabies that way? No. So back I go to remembering being a jerk is just not an option. Lara's blog helped whip me back into shape. So I now I am going to apologize to my kids and start fresh and new.
Isaiah 43:18 Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Ephesians 4:21-24
21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, 22 that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, 23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.
I could go on from here, but I won't. The rest of Ephesians chapter four is just so good--such life to me today. Through Christ I can overcome the sins of my ancestors and pass down to my children a better life and a better way. |
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| It takes real courage to recognize the need for change in one's life. Great thoughts Coreena, and I hope the Lord blesses your sincere desire to please him!!! ~mike |
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| Oh, if I could give you more stars for this I would! So you know how much better you feel when you know you aren't all alone in a struggle? Well, your blog (and honesty) has greatly blessed (and relieved) me today....no excuses for me to be a jerk....not even PMS??? lol Just joking! :P Thanks, Coreena! You aren't alone either, and you and I will both overcome this behavorial bad habit. |
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JenBoat |
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December 31, 2007 at 1:03pm |
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Coreena~
Just as in Mothering we learn that we mustn't only tell our child what is UNACCEPTABLE or NOT AN OPTION, but we must then equip them with what they can, should and is optional to do with feelings, emotions, and reactions to undesirable situations.
In short- us Moms have to reprogram our thought process and our hearts desires and treasures. Just not acting out isn't near deep enough. I suggest the following book, from one seeking continual deliverance from perfectionism to another....
"She's Gonna BLOW! RealHelp for Moms Dealing with Anger" by Julie Ann Barnhill
As we renew our minds, hearts true treasure, our response, somewhat slowly at times <g> begins to change as a result of not just self control, but from the root changing.
I am walking this out continually!
Maybe this little song my firstborn, Josiah made up when he was 3 in response to me telling him some things were "Not and Option!" will help you as a mantra or prayer in your head during the potentially long process of heart changes... to the tune "found a peanut"
NOT AN OPTION, NOT AN OPTION
NOT AN OP-TION RIGHT NOW
FOR YOU IT'S NOT AN OPTION
NOT AN OPTION RIGHT NOW!
LOL! Now he is 10 and regrets the day he ever composed such a song! (B/C of all the times I have sang it to him if he doesn't obey in a timely manner! :)
I will be praying for you and pray for me too b/c I did fine with the kids today, but not as easy on my expectations of hubby. Poor guy. If I expect him to live up to the impossible standards I set for myself (if I am in the flesh of perfectionism... it sneaks up on me) then he is sure to fail.
Help me Lord!
It is a little easier to not expect the nearly 2 and 3 year old not to be "perfect" but there are times I must fight my reaction at it anyway.
((((HUGS))))) for your transparent sharing.... and for putting up w/ my jabber on your blog!
~~JenBoat~~ |
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Cheryl |
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December 31, 2007 at 1:26pm |
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Oh if I could leave a thousand stars I would!!!
Have a Happy New Year
~Cheryl |
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I am having the hardest time getting this to post...I hope you got all the stars.
Your blog touched me and
I am recognizing that I am a work in progress. I have perfectionist tendencies so I have to keep reminding myself that what I am striving for is a reasonable amount of progress in a reasonable amount of time. When the Lord teaches me something I can be like, "okay it's all the way or no way". God knows I am only dust, I need to remember that too. Progress not perfection.
was just what I needed today. |
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Coreena |
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December 31, 2007 at 2:00pm |
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JenBoat--Thanks for book suggestion. I will be looking for it. The scriptures at the end of my blog were the very thing I am replacing my unacceptable behavior with.
Cheryl-- Thank you for your comment!
Cheryl--I am so glad what God is teaching me is a blessing to you too! |
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Deb |
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December 31, 2007 at 2:16pm |
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| Coreena, I too have trouble with my temper. The Lord has called my attention to it many times. The problem is that when we get upset at someone, it is hard to NOT WANT to be angry! You feel like when you are treated wrongly, that you deserve your anger! Jesus did get angry, at the money changers in the synagogue. So I do believe there are times when controlled anger is appropriate. But the key word there is controlled. We can't let it control us, but we can use it to help someone improve their behavior, as long as it is used in the right way. But it is also imperative, to never let the sun go down on your anger...that for me, is a VERY hard thing to do sometimes! |
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| Oh, I love you guys (girls-lol) |
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Joey |
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December 31, 2007 at 2:28pm |
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Hey Coreena, wonderful blog. Honesty is powerful.
I need to work on my temper as well as MANY other things. My list is long. I try to take it day by day. I'm going to read Lara's blog. Don't get a big head Lara. I mean it!
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Coreena |
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December 31, 2007 at 3:05pm |
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Deb-- You are absolutely right there is such a thing as controlled anger--appropriate anger. My biggest issue is that I get angry because I take my children's disobedience personally. I only learned within the last year or so that their disobedience is about them and their issues, not about me. This is a totally new concept for me that I have not really wrapped my mind around. So while I know this by rote I still don't really know it in my heart. Just as you mentioned there have been times where I felt as if I had a right to be angry. I am learning that is just not so in most of my day to day living. Sometimes this growing in the Lord thing can really stink.  I mean, I wanted to be able to keep some of my fleshy behaviors, after all I have had them so long the behaviors are like an arm or a leg.  Ever seen Jesse Duplantis talk about raising his flesh like Dracula from the dead? Oh, so funny and yet, oh, so true!!! Yeah, I've been dragging around my old self to bring back for those times when I "need" to vent. The Lord isn't letting me get away with this one anymore!
Lara--love you too!
Joey-- You are too funny!
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Yeah, Lara's the man! (oops, I mean the woman!)
That's true Deb about controlled anger, some people have an 'anger addiction' they use because of the results that it gets with people.
Being angry comes when Expectations exceed reality, when you 'feel' that you deserve something done a certain way (i.e. having your order correct each time at McDonald's, for people to always use common courtesy when they drive, etc.).
Did you really expect your teenage girls to honor the value of the linen they didn't earn or pay for?
Your victories will come because you recognized the problem and are getting the tools to progress. Your focus on the root of the problem which includes the fact that we don't fight against flesh and blood, but against an adversary that would love to add fiery darts to these situations, will make the transition easier.
One of the interesting Greek words that I've learned was the one for the English word "I"; which is "ego" in Greek. The more I "Let go of my ego" the more I can submit to what God is telling me. |
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MaKelly |
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December 31, 2007 at 4:13pm |
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Coreena
OUTSTANDING Blog we all should be slow to speak and quick to listen then we can hear from the Lord if we are acting like jerks and a lot of times thing do look cleare in the morning, joy does come in the morning after all we do want to walk this walk with our Lord in obedince. |
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| Thanks Coreena its so easy to get discouraged rather than letting the Lord work with us. The lord has helped me with a couple of dreams regarding where those behaviors came from. I would also investigate Amcient paths at the Family Foundations Inernational web site. familyfoundations.com |
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Victorious- Thank you for the comment. In response to "Did you really expect your teenage girls to honor the value of the linen they didn't earn or pay for?" Really the value of the linen was not an issue as much as the laziness, poor stewardship and disobedience. You see I have invested a huge amount of time into training my children to not be lazy because it causes even more work, to be good stewards so that the Lord is able to bless them, and to obey us the first time in an effort to have established the habit so that they will obey God the first time when He speaks to them. We have made a conscious, consistent effort to train these things into our children. The price of the linen was just an added issue for me because things have been so tight here. (Christmas for my children happened only because we had Christmas miracles.) So my expectation is that they are not lazy, work to be good stewards, and obey. I am not looking for perfection. I had not personally needed anything in the closet in over a month so it was a mess because of repeated laziness, poor stewardship, and disobedience--not a one time mistake. That is what pushed my buttons. Again, I did not respond in an appropriate way, nor were my expectations horribly off base in this situation. Thank you for the encouragement of my continued victory as I focus on the root of the problem.
MaKelly--Thank you for your comment.
Dave--I will check out the website. Thank you so much for suggesting it. |
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| Dave--The website is GREAT!!!! I am intereested in bringing the seminar to my home church as a small group leader. I will be praying about it over the next month. Thank you so much! |
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So I now I am going to apologize to my kids and start fresh and new. Just wondering...Did you apologize to your kids and your husband? |
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| Yes, I apologized to my kids. I have been EXTREMELY consistent in this area because it was one thing my mom never did. I am wondering why you asked if I apologized to my husband? |
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Joey |
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January 02, 2008 at 9:56pm |
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| I came back to read this again. The scripture is really good and so important. thank you |
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Cheryl |
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January 02, 2008 at 10:13pm |
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I came back to read this again too. I love this! Thank you for your honesty, what a beautiful heart you have.
Many blessings to you and your family in 2008! |
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Joey and Cheryl-- Thank you so much for returning. I appreciate your support and comments. |
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