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| Ok, I Admit It...There Are People I Just Don't Like |
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There is someone who is a part of my life, not a big part, but a part never the less, that I simply do not like. She is a grumpy, negative sort of person, who I have rarely seen smile. She has gotten a laugh out of my embarrassments in the past, which didn’t help the way I feel about her. Now she has become more of a part of my life, through circumstances beyond my control, and I really don’t want to deal with it. However, the Lord is speaking to me, and telling me this is not the way He wants me to behave.
After thinking about this woman, and her attitude, and my attitude towards her, I have to admit something. I have never even given the woman a chance. She has barriers placed up around her, and she might as well have signs up that say “KEEP AWAY”, or “KEEP OUT”. When I get a phone call from her, or have to see her, I just have a very negative attitude towards her. That is not the way I should be.
So, I prayed to God about it. I asked Him to change my way of thinking where this woman is concerned. I am pretty sure that He has arranged things so that this woman has become more frequent in my life and I have to face the situation. I can’t keep thinking badly about her, because it will come out in my actions at some point. So, I can actually feel my heart changing towards this woman. I went to her home and found out she has a dog…and I’m thinking, well it isn’t a cat, but it is an animal, and she actually smiled…SMILED… because of this dogs silly antics. She is human after all!
How often we go through life, and if someone doesn’t measure up to what we think is “the way they should be”, then we want nothing to do with them. Why can’t we try to go out of our way to shower them with niceties, to find out more about them before we verbally attack them, or think badly of them. Why is it so easy to jump to conclusions based on someone’s body language, or the way they look…if they smile or are grumpy. If they are basically unapproachable, why don’t we just approach them anyway? I think the main reason is that we don’t want to be ashamed or laughed at, or perhaps even judged. And let's be honest, no one likes to be around someone who is grumpy and negative all the time! But we need to keep in mind, that we are here to spread the word about Jesus. We are to become like Christ. I bet He wouldn’t let someone’s grumpiness keep Him from doing His job. We shouldn’t either. 14:13 Then let us no more pass judgment on one another, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.
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Eliza |
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January 17, 2008 at 6:21am |
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Can you please tell my mom to leave you alone...send her home please... : ) Just kidding...this person does sound like my mother though....It is hard, because I just want to block her out, but I know I need to love her no matter what...Great post Deb... |
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Deb I'm so proud of you. It take courage to admit that we have short comings. Every now and again the Lord will place someone in our path, that for some reason will bring out the worse in us. This is to let us know that there is still work to be done within us. You my dear one now have the victory. You have chosen to let the love of Christ rule and abide in you. The Lord is pleased and I am excited for you.
Pastor Aminata |
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That's certainly the prayer uttered in Christian maturity Deb - Lord, change me, as opposed to Lord change them! ~mike |
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Deb |
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January 17, 2008 at 6:34am |
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Eliza, lol...I will send her home if she will listen :) My dad used to be the same way and drove me nuts. It is very hard to be around people like that. I can sympathize with your situtation.
Pastor Aminata, thank you for your kind words. This has been on my heart for a while now, and I am trying to do my best...
Dennis, you may think it is ok to not like someone, but Jesus wants us to love everyone, even our enemies. This woman is a Christian, and attends my church, and I have to have contact with her. It isn't like I can ignore her. I wanted to point out with this blog, that even though someone might be unlikeable, we should at least give them a chance. Sometimes we only know the surface of people, and never really take the time to look inside. If we do take that time and make that effort, we might be surprised that people are human after all. |
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| I agree Deb, it's a difficult thing to reach out and hug the cactus. Especially when the cactus acts like it doesn't want your hug! But you know the wounds that we will inflict by doing so follow in line with the Lord, and sometimes we find that those wounds were actually bits stone stuck to our heart that the Lord used a good "abrasive" to remove. |
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Deb |
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January 17, 2008 at 6:36am |
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| Mike, I would agree with that...it is easier to point out someone else's character flaws, and not look at our own...wait, isn't there a bible verse to that affect? Something about a log in our own eye? lol |
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Deb |
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January 17, 2008 at 6:39am |
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| DeboraJ, I never thought about hugging a cactus :) But you know what, that fits perfectly! Great comments! |
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Deb, it's amazing the varied things you do blog about! I usually can identify with and learn from your blogs!
I've experienced much the same things (you write about) and it really helps to see that we are not alone in our life experiences and growing pains as we reach higher and higher, as the Saviour influences us more! Great blog, Deb! |
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Are you suggesting that we love the unlovely? That sounds exactly like something Jesus would do. :) All things are possible with God, and to him that believeth ! :)
God Bless.............. |
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Deb |
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January 17, 2008 at 8:02am |
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Yahschild, what you say only goes to prove that we are all alike in so many ways. And we can learn from each other.
Paul, absolutely! |
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Deb |
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January 17, 2008 at 8:28am |
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| Heavenbound, I agree there are those that refuse God and anything we have to say about Him, and those people are better left in the hands of God. But this person is a Christian, and I have found myself having to deal with her more because of the business I am in, and I think it is entirely a God thing, that He has put her in my path and showing me that I need to deal with it! lol |
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Deb |
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January 17, 2008 at 8:29am |
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| Sunshine, you are so right! Maybe I was brought into HER life for a reason. I never thought of it that way! |
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I was just talking to a friend last night about this, on the phone. God is doing the same with me. The ppl I have a hard time putting up with, He puts them around me more til I learn to love them. They are our sandpaper. The reason I don't approach ppl with the walls like that is out of my own insecurities. I was rejected a lot in the past, even by Christians, and I do fear the rejection, like you mentioned. But I noticed, the more I prayed, the more confidence (and compassion) I had to get passed my feelings of insecurities. Good for you for allowing God to do what He willed with this situation. God knows that you will be good for this lady. |
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I'v been learning for a long time about humility and selflessness. They go hand in hand. Selfless humilty vs selfish pride. 5:5 Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Also see Proverbs 3:34 and James 4:6. God made us male and female (how many courses and books adress the differences), gave us different personality traits, different gifts of the Spirit, different parts of the body (maybe I'm a toe), different races, cultures.... then, as Christians, we are one body, one building, one bride, one church! I doubt very seriously the women you speak of is accidently more a part of your life. I agree, God wants you to change. 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 7:4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam [is] in thine own eye? 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. 7:6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
I think this verse is misused many times. I don't think it is saying "don't judge". If that were true, how do we know the dogs and swine for who they are. I think this verse is saying, whatever you see in someone else as problematic could be even more so in you. Fix you first. Like in Philippians 2, we are to esteem others and their interests above our own.
Great blog!! |
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Richard, I am in agreement. BTW, Deb, I just wanted to add something; there were times in my Christian life where there were ppl who got on my nerves BIG TIME, and eventually we got into it and had it out (not necessarly the Christ-like way either)....and I am thinking of one, two, three, four people right off the top of my head. I am telling you that after we had the blow up, we went on to become so close! Like a wall had come down, and I saw them through different eyes! I literally felt this abundance of love bubbling up on the inside when I saw them! I don't get to see two of the four much, at this point in my life, but the other two are two of the most dearest ppl to me! And yet they drove me nuts before the big blow up! So there is always hope, and more often than not, it is something inside of us as well--not just them. But God is so good! I hope this encourages you! |
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| Great Blog! I get along most people maybe I am the sandpaper? God Bless,Doyle. |
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I think God does put us around people that we find hard to deal with to see if we can stand the test of not judging one another. Some ppl make it awefully hard to get to know them and show brotherly love, but you just have to bite the bullet and keep at it. I have several ppl that he has convicted me about and I have made every effort to reach out and understand them and to try and see what it is about them that displeases me. They were not put here to PLEASE ME, they were put here to please our Father just as I was and it is my duty as a child of God to accept them for who they are and work with it. In doing this we become more patient, loving and open to others who may not think as we do, share in our faith and it gives us more of an opportunity to spread our Fathers love and to be the light he wants us to be. IT IS NOT EASY, but we push on and know in our hearts that is what he wants us to do.
I still have a long ways to go and I still have people that I need to deal with and I will. I just know that my Father sees my effort and that he is right there with me. |
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JessIAm |
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January 17, 2008 at 10:58am |
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| The biggest thing God is working on me concerning "difficult" people is my reaction to people who try to manipulate me. It's very hard for me to esteem a person past their manipulative actions. |
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Deb |
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January 17, 2008 at 1:08pm |
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restore, what a great thing to ask ourselves..."would you like you"? I'll have to remember that one!
Lara, all that you said is great advice. I have had blow ups with a few people and we are good friends now...but I have had it go the other way too.
Richard, thanks for your comments. I think we judge automatically, even though we know we shouldn't. But it is best to not judge if we can help it, or to only dwell briefly on it...like you said, what is a problem in someone else might be a problem in me too.
mstovall20, yes, the Lord sees your effort, and He is proud of you for trying. We don't always succeed on the first try, but we just keep trying.
Jess, yes, I think people that try to manipulate are bad news...perhaps if we keep our eyes open though, we can see what they are trying to do and not let thm do it. It is a fine line to walk though. That is a tough one. |
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| Hey, Deb! I just finished watching a Hermie movie with my son before bed--Stanley the Stinkbug. Loving what seems unlovable was the theme. I wish I had Hermie movies growing up! |
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Gene |
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January 17, 2008 at 6:48pm |
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Oh Lord. Change me.
Peace, Deb! |
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Deb |
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January 18, 2008 at 11:38am |
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Chrissy, it sounds like a good movie that ties in with this blog! lol
Gene, change starts with the Lord. He will work it all out.
Dennis, are you saying, love the sinner, hate the sin? I can understand that. I can understand walking away from those who reject the word of God, even after I have told them of Him and His saving grace. But someone who is a member of my church, who says she is a Christian, and who I have to do business with, I can't just walk away, and not liking her makes it much harder to deal with the situation. Would you say that liking or not liking someone is a choice? Whereas I chose to not like her before, based on her actions, now I have chosen to try to like her, even with her negative attitude.
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Deb |
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January 18, 2008 at 11:50am |
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| Dennis, I can understand that. And I agree that we should stay away from people that we might see as a threat to our faith. I do that as well. I guess I just figured that with this lady, she has been brought into my life now through business, and not just church, so I feel like God is trying to get me to pay some attention to her. It may end up just being tolerance that I put up with her, but I am trying to go the next step. lol Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. |
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Cheryl |
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January 18, 2008 at 11:51am |
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| Deb~you need to stay close to Jesus cause this is another great blog!!! Thank goodness Jesus doesn't attend to me based on how I am acting or responded in a situation! I just talked to my sister about this today. She is having a prob with my nephews teacher, she is ill, and having complications with a nursing child. Oh how Satan is an opportunist! She was smart and saw His potential plan to discredit her reputation for she had already shared she was a Christian to the teacher and they brought a poem about Jesus to school to share during Christmas. May I respect everyone and treat others as I want to be treated! Love~ |
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Deb |
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January 18, 2008 at 11:57am |
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Cheryl, that is a good motto to live by..."May I respect everyone and treat others as I want to be treated."
Dennis, yeah perhaps we are...I am self employed too, so my interacting with people is mostly through church, and my customers. Right now our business is closed down for the month, and maybe I just have too much time on my hands and I am thinking to hard :) |
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| Yep Deb; The Holy Spirit is speaking loud and clear to us women and pray to God we wake up and hear Him eh...sound like you cleaned the wax out of your ears a little bit eh. The Holy Spirit is doing a work over at our church (New Life Community Church in Petawawa, ON) and it appears He is getting though to us women....which is no small task...takes a man like Jesus to get a word in edge wise eh. So my girl. The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon all you say and do. In Christ, your sister. Deb Bowcott |
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Deb |
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January 20, 2008 at 12:34pm |
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| Debra Lynn, yes the Lord speaks to us loud and clear. We just have to slow down enough to hear Him! |
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Prayer is the best way....
glad yougot to see past her grumpyness...
I know it is easy for us to say well I don't like that person they r so miserable, but also do we look to see maybe something went wrong in thier life, maybe they don't know Jesus as we know Him. Maybe they lost a loved one and can't see past it. Ya know what I mean.
I know for me when I heard Joyce Meyers speak of this it was an instant wake up call for me!!!
When I see a person in my life who id angry ( and believe me we have one right now) I know it is my part to show Grace to her as grace was shown to me. I don't know her past and why she acts like she does but I know it isnt ok for me to trash her like the rest of my husband family ...she is needy..and if i can I will reac h out and try..
THANK YOU FOR THIS AWESOM POST |
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Deb |
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January 27, 2008 at 9:59am |
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| ds13099, this is wonderful that you can reach out to this person and try. It is hard to reach someone like that, and it takes a bit more effort on our part to do it. Somehow we have to get around their negativity and see the real person inside. |
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| I know this feeling, too! Shame on me:~( |
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Deb... great blog... am responding to some of your questions... from my own experiences and observations over the years, *am 58.
In my case... in days gone by... when I found myself 'reacting' to someone... I was convicted it was because they reflected back to me an aspect of myself I did not like... or was blind to.
When I found myself feeling negative feelings while being with someone ... I came to understand... sometimes it was because I was picking up on their own feelings about themselves...or another. (I use to call this an ungodly soul tie) After we parted company in such cases... I found myself having to shake them off... so to speak... it was as if an ungodly attitude had been passed on... if they felt grumpy or had an attitude, I walked away feeling like they felt for example. In such cases... I did not look forward to their company in the future... but instead of avoiding them... I was led to pray for them to be released... and of course I prayed for myself... did not want to 'feed' their attitude and keep it going.... which was easy to do at the time because I came to understand this was a weak area on my part.... we were hooking into a unredeemed area in both of us which needed to be exposed and transformed.
At other times... I discovered they triggered an unhealed area in my life... again I was led to pray for healing for us both.
At other times... I discovered.... it was not about them at all... it was my problem, not theirs.... and they were only reflecting back me to me... they were a mirror so to speak... He was using them as the perfect reflection to show me an areas HE wanted to deal with that I was avoiding.
I have come to understand.. nothing happens by accident... Father is in control... our having given up our desire to be in control... so when such takes place... I stop and seek the mind of the Lord...
Again... great blog... love to read honest blogs which inspires the body of Christ to allow themselves to be vulnerable and open...
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Cathy |
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January 29, 2008 at 7:27am |
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| Prayer is a great way to handle this, then if they really make you mad, you can flatten their car tires!!! |
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Deb |
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January 29, 2008 at 10:44am |
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DebB, I'm glad to hear that you have this feeling too, and I am not alone! :)
HolySpirit, you have learned some very great insights in your life, and your interaction with others. I value what you had to say. It all has the ring of truth.
Cathy, lol, oh Cathy, I can always count on you to make me laugh :) |
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Cheryl |
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January 29, 2008 at 2:15pm |
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Came back to see!  LOL!!! |
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mandy |
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January 31, 2008 at 8:57am |
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Well done glad you have learned this valuable lesson about judging others God Be with you Mandy |
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| Thanks Deb... my ego didn't like going through such ... but the internal changes which took place were with it. |
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Deb |
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January 31, 2008 at 10:49am |
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Mandy, thank you.
Holy Spirit, we never like going through things like that, but we do end up growing in the end. |
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