We all have them. Days, weeks, months where the anxiety is high, doubt floats through our mind, and we have very little confidence. Doesn't seem to matter what the topic is. For some of us it is with our kids, some it is with our jobs, some it is with our God. We struggle. God told us that our walk in this world would require work. Even as we lean on Him fully there is still a yoke albeit a light one. Still pressures, Still struggles. They refine us. They make us shine. But they are not fun. Only in retrospect can most of us see His hand guiding us through the hard times.
My life has been full of times where I acted out of obedience, sometimes with a grumpy attitude about it, only to see Him be glorified in ways I never thought imaginable. Sure, those events in my life build a history of confidence. I think that is why we look upon the past with a sense of nostalgia - we made it through those times. How I wish I could always look to the future with the same confidence. When I try to, my pride gets in the way, and He deals with me.
I run a business. I serve at the pleasure of those who are providing the financial backing. I just finished my fourth year with this company. When I started, it was only me. Each year the backers set financial goals and each year my team and I have fallen short. Each year in January, I make the trek to New Jersey to describe what happened and explain my plan for the future. So far, each year, they have given me "one more chance". When I signed on for this job, I told them I needed 3 - 5 years to build a profitable business. Year four, which ended in December, was the first profit we turned. It wasn't much, but it was something. Far below what they had set as a target for me.
This week I was in New Jersey for my annual business presentation. I wasn't looking forward to going there. Before I left I had to pump my team full of energy and keep them excited. While I was doing that, inside I was doubting - wondering if they would sign me on for another year. I am a business man, so I know what is expected of me. I had all my information carefully put together and I had a plan as to how I was going to present it. I am not the only business that reports in. There are others. However, I am the oldest person.
I never go into these meetings without a lot of prayer. I fast. I pray. I ask others whom I trust to pray for me. I know this is where God has me and my businesses allow me access to many people in the Washington, DC area where I am a witness. In that calling, I have total confidence. I know that if these folks don't want me any more, God will open another door. However, that attitude is never an excuse for poor quality work. The quality I perform is always "Kingdom quality". I work as if I am working for the Lord because, in the end, I am.
With all the preparation, though, uncertainty and doubt still creep in. I fight it, but the only way it fades is when I am on my face in prayer. Before I go to work in the morning, I pray. During my breaks, I pray. After work, I pray. Seems that only in Him am I ever at rest.
Others presented before me. I saw their results. Mine started looking better and better. I hadn't made the profit goals, but I had grown the top line by 48%. Nobody else who presented had grown.
My presentation went well. It lasted about 3 hours. I answered all the questions. I have to return next week for their feedback. It looks pretty good that they will continue me for another year.
As I drove home, I looked back on the week and I wondered. Why is it that I let doubt grip me? Do I not totally trust in the Lord with all my heart? Or would I rather lean on my own understanding? I realize over and over again that it is only in Him that I rest and not of my own works.
16:5The LORD [is] the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot. 16:6 The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant [places]; yea, I have a goodly heritage. 16:7 I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. 16:8 I have set the LORD always before me: because [he is] at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 16:9Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
The following song kept going through my mind on the way home. I share it with you now. Thanks for listening. Thanks for walking with me. Thanks for praying. Maybe next week, my faith will be a little stronger. Maybe the doubt will be less. In any case, I will still be praying a lot. The refining continues - probably until I meet Him face to face. All I ask is that, in all things, TGBTG!!
Beautiful post, Voice, and the video is wonderful. I had forgotten about this song, but it ministered to me as it brought back precious memories. There is no voice like John Michael Talbot's!
As I was reading your blog, I found myself praying "Lord, let everything go well." I guess when you have been there you can feel the pain of others. I was so happy for the outcome, even though not official yet. God Bless. Thanks for the wonderful blog. The song was beautiful!
Restore, thanks for being such an encouragement. I know God is Lord of all the earth and His reign includes my comings and goings. I know that. I know we must be strong for, as you say, the enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy...not our material things (although that is on his agenda, too), but our faith, our inheritance, our love. I guess I am kind of like what Paul says...do everything you can, then stand. I chose to stand on the Word. Have a great day lady!!
DC, could it be that God allows you to doubt so that you will stay in constant prayer with Him? He wants you there on your face in prayer...if the way to get you there is to give you doubts, then it is all for a reason. And don't those times of doubt help you grow? So in the future, the doubts will be less and less, as you see more and more of what He can do, but you will still need to pray more...because you know God is the only way to do it right.
Joey, you always make my heart warm and put a smile on my face.
Thanks Mike.
Deb, I totally agree with you. While it would make sense that my doubt would get less and less, the struggle I have sometimes is that it doesn't. You would think I would remember what God did for me, yet I still doubt. Such is the life of a clay vessel being molded by the potter.
I couldn't imagine what you went through and the pressure as a provider for your home. Isn't it nice to know God will never leave us nor forsake us. He was right beside you in that conference, and will be again next week. He is never late to work!! LOL I was thinking the same thing as Deb: could it be that God allows you to doubt so that you will stay in constant prayer with Him? Wow, what a perfect spot to be in! Praise God. Praying for you my brother.
Everybody...just signed on for another year!! Still more planning to be done, but the biggest step is behind me. Thanks for all your support, encouragement, and prayers.
16:8I have set the LORD always before me: because [he is] at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 16:9Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
We all go through the doubts and we all question our faith from time to time. I think we shall do this until the day we die, however we also know that GOD has our back in all that we do. We ask and he answers, we cry out and he hears us. GLORY BE TO GOD OUR FATHER FOR HIS GRACE...
Prayers are with you and the victory is already won. MUCH LOVE
Voice, After reading your blog, I see you are doing your part. Our God will take care of the rest !!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh, JMT, what a blessing from Our Lord.
Voice sounds like u r doing Gods Will here, we all fall short and doubt what is before us, but it is knowing in our heart He is with us and His will be done and that we will accept that and move on. Seems that whats u said here!! Thanks for the wonderful message!!!!!!! Praying
forgot to mention the awesome song!!! I had a little ruff going here this morning and when i listened to the song I closed my eyes and my musles relaxed!!!! Added to my favs on youtube Again thanks for the message!!! God Bless
Voice, Jesus had a rough week about 2000 years ago and he found himself praying "if it be thy will let this cup pass from me"(Fear) "Nevertheless not my will but thine" (Faith) you are in good company my brother and in those time you feel a little weak you have HIM and you have us. Your Mychurch family.I declare victory for your team and your company In Jesus Name Amen!
Voice, May the Lord bless everything you do in His Name! Thanks for sharing your heart with us. And the video went perfect with everything else that was said.
ugh our mind, and we have very little confidence. Doesn't seem to matter what the topic is. For some of us it is with our kids, some it is with our jobs, some it is with our God. We struggle. God told us that our walk in this world would require work. Even as we lean on Him fully there is still a yoke albeit a light one. Still pressures, Still struggles. They refine us. They make us shine. But they are not fun. Only in retrospect can most of us see His hand guiding us through the hard times.
financial goals and each year my team and I have fallen short. Each year in January, I make the trek to New Jersey to describe what happened and explain my plan for the future. So far, each year, they have given me "one more chance". When I signed on for this job, I told them I needed 3 - 5 years to build a profitable business. Year four, which ended in December, was the first profit we turned. It wasn't much, but it was something. Far below what they had set as a target for me.
I know what is expected of me. I had all my information carefully put together and I had a plan as to how I was going to present it. I am not the only business that reports in. There are others. However, I am the oldest person.
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