We hear a lot about sexual purity. But I wish we would hear more about pure sexuality. Pure sexuality is an expression I’ve coined to capture the bigger point of sex per God’s design. I’m afraid that the common expression “sexual purity” has a not-so-rich history and connotation that’s all about the things we can’t do. But pure sexuality gives equal time to the celebration of human sexuality in all its wonder, exploration, bliss, and elation—and that, within the beauty of God’s design.     

I think some people think sex is Satan’s idea. But it’s not. It’s God’s idea. And when the churches only speak of sex in negative terms, it makes us weird, with an unhealthy, yes, ungodly view of human sexuality. Sex is a blessing, most wonderfully experienced as a sacred covenant between a husband and a wife.

I’m not an expert or a “sexpert” but as a pastor, I know a lot of couples that really struggle with “the sex part” of their marriages. And I think silence makes it worse. Couples: I want to challenge you to have ongoing conversations about sex. What works, what doesn’t. And not just physically, but emotionally, because it’s all connected. Yes! Have many honest and detailed conversations about sex, sex, sex.

And guys let me let you in on a little secret: How things go in the bedroom starts with how they go in the kitchen. If all you are is some couch potato that never helps around the house and is aloof and disconnected emotionally from your wife then don’t expect things to be hot upstairs if they’re cold downstairs. 

Now: I can legitimately hear this: “That’s great Mark, but I’m single and I don’t have some so-called ‘gift’ of celibacy.” I hear you! So let me say that since I’m married and since I think it’s obnoxious for married people to tell singles how to deal with their sex issues, I’ll defer to another single guy. What might the apostle Paul say to help us out? I think he would say be on the lookout for a wife. His exact words were: “It’s better to marry than to burn with passion.” If it were me, I would get on eHarmony or match.com or whatever and start looking ASAP. But that’s just me. In the meantime, I think Paul would also say, take full advantage of the freedom of being single and look to Christ for fulfillment and serve him with all the time you won’t have when you have to please a spouse, change diapers, and provide a taxi service for future teens.

Now listen to Paul in Ephesians 5:3: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality...” How do we move toward pure sexuality? We are barraged at every turn with images that are specifically designed to entice us sexually.

Let me go officially superficial for a moment. Here’s my appeal to the church—in a few cute, easy-to-remember catch phrases. Fashion-wise, clothing-wise, no question: Our culture thinks it’s cool to make me drool; but I think it’s cruel to make me drool. And since I can’t have it, please don’t flaunt it to make me want it!

End of the day, I’m going to have trouble seeing your truest beauty if I have to negotiate past all that cleavage. It’s like what one pastor said officiating the wedding of a scantily clad bride (I think her maiden name was Cleaver)—he saw all that cleavage and instead of saying, “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate…” he accidentally said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no man push together.” Wedding… over! Look, I’m not saying it’s your fault if I ogle at your boobs; ultimately, that’s on me. I’m just hoping that we can help each other out. And I think it’s our responsibility to determine where that line is. And I will promise to return the favor, hot stud that I am.

Listen: God’s grace is bigger than any mistakes we’ve ever made. Let’s receive His grace. And then let’s then move forward pursuing the HOTTEST pure sexuality. Sex is good, sex is from God. But there’s a way to keep a good thing a good thing; and that’s to follow God’s RX for sex.