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| Happy Birthday Mom, I miss You |
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My Mom has been gone for eight years now. Today is her birthday, and it is also her death day. Technically she died on January 31, 2000...that was when they took her off of life support. But the actual day that her spirit left us was on her birthday, January 28th, 2000.
I remember leaving her room that day, telling her to hang in there, she would be out of the hospital in no time and we could go out to dinner for her birthday. She was very sad that she had to be in there on her birthday, but she had developed pneumonia, and she had to stay in for a while. Little did I know that would be the last time I would get to talk to her.
Later that night my dad called to tell me that the hospital had called and said that she wasn't doing well and that she might not make it. My world came crashing down around me at that point. So many times we had made the trip to the hospital with her, for one reason or another, and so many times I wondered if it might be the last time. But pneumonia isn't supposed to cause people to die. It is treatable, right? Well, in this case, she started coughing, and then threw up and choked on that...they tried to resuscitate her, and worked on her for a long time. When we got to the hospital they were still trying to work on her. No one knew it, but I snuck back to her room and they were on her bed giving her CPR. The "code blue" was for my mother...I ran back to the waiting room to share what I had seen. Not long after that the doctor came out to ask what my mother's wishes would have been...to be put on life support or not. My dad told them "do what you have to do to make her live". These were not my mother's wishes, and I wanted to scream, but my father was the one in charge. It would take two more days for him to accept the fact that she wasn't coming back, and to allow them to take her off of life support. But in my heart, I knew she was gone. Her eyes were wide open but there was nothing there, no response of any kind. They did a brain scan and found no sign of life.
Those of you that have lost your mother, if you were close to her at all, know that you never really get over that loss. I still have times when I feel like I could pick up the phone and call her. But she isn't there anymore, and the empty place in my life that she used to fill will never be full again. I have many memories of her, and I can remember her without that horrible pain of loss, but I will always miss her being here. I just wanted to remember her today, her birthday and say Happy Birthday Mom, I miss you.
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| Aww, Deb. Praying the Lord will bring you comfort on such a hard day. I still have my mom, and honestly I have been in tears just thinking about being without her. So I could not imagine.......don't want to. I am sure you will have ppl comment on here that can relate. I can just imagine and say that I am thinking about you today, and praying for you and loving you. I may not fully understand, but the Lord does. |
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| Deb, I can't relate now (still have mom and dad), but I am pretty sure there will come a day when I will. Thanks for prompting me to think ahead. ~mike |
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| Deb I understand where you are coming from. Nex Wed. on the 6th started the last ordeal with my Mom in the hospital and I have been remembering it for 2 weeks now. She stayed in 2 weeks and went home but it was not good. I stayed a lot at my sister's with her. Then on March 15th she went into ICU and passed away on the 18th. I went into a depression/oppression for months. Didn't want to live. Didn't even take my medicine. Thank God I got delivered of it but till today I will pick up the phone to call her. We were extremly close. It is not something that goes away. It does leave a empty hole in your heart. My Mom died 8 days before her 96th birthday so I had that to go through and then Easter right after and then Mother's Day. It was a horrible time in my life. I understand and I will be praying for you. Please be praying for me also because the dates are coming up fast for me! |
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Deb |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:13pm |
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Lara, give your mom an extra hug from me...I could have lost my mom when I was ten years old, when she had her first heart attack and nearly died. I am thankful that the Lord gave me about 28 more years to enjoy her in this life.
Mike, I have lost both my mom and my dad. You will probably go through it yourself at some point, barring any unforseen circumstances. Just never take a moment for granted of the time you have with them. |
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Deb |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:17pm |
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| Brenda, I will certainly pray for you. Those anniversary dates, and holidays, especially Mother's day are the worst. I still can't stand Mother's day. My heart aches right along with yours. |
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Donna S |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:26pm |
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(((((((Deb))))) I am sitting here with tears dripping out of my eyes and nose running.
Today is my dads 84th birthday,and I am blessed to be in his life.
I can't imagine him not being here.......
My mom has parkinsons and he takes care of her and I help out.
OMY enough i am crying big time now...
Special Blessings and Prayers that you are feeling comfort right now
and she is with you in spirit!! Happy Birthday Debs mom!!!!
I havent even lost my parents and look at me ...jeeezzzzzzz |
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Rosie |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:31pm |
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| Deb my heart is with you...... |
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Deb |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:34pm |
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| ds13099, Happy Birthday to your dad! You are sad because you know what is coming someday, and I hope it is a long ways off. I used to be sad too when I thought of losing my mom and dad. But you just hang on to the time you have now, it is so special... |
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Deb |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:36pm |
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| Rosie, thank you... |
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Becky |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:44pm |
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| Deb, I know your pain, and my heart breaks for you. This will be the twentieth year anniversary of my mothers death. She was killed at the young age of 44. I longed to get close to her and never had the chance, see she died when I was an addict. I wish she could have known me as a Christian. There are many days that trigger the heartache and joy, birthdays and making fudge at Christmas and hearing her say... "You need to cook it slow Becky." I will be praying for you and rest on this we WILL get to see them again. Bless you. |
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| My heart goes out to you! I lost my Dad in 1986 in August A blood vessel in his brain busted! God Be With You Always,Doyle |
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Deb |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:51pm |
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| Becky, that is so sad about your mom. I bet she would be so happy that you have turned your life around. My heart breaks for you as well. |
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Deb |
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January 28, 2008 at 12:57pm |
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| Doyle, that is sad about your dad. It is never easy to lose a parent. God Bless you. |
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| My heart goes out to you. I lost my father November 8, 1986 three days after his birthday. We were very close and it still hurts today. My mother is still here but as most of you know I had to place her in a nursing home in October of 2007. She is 11/2 hrs. away from me and though I go weekly it is very hard not seeing her daily. My prayers are with you. God Bless. |
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Joey |
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January 28, 2008 at 2:27pm |
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This a good thing, Deb that you done. I'm super proud of you.
Love,
Joey |
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| Deb, didn't tell you but I loss my Dad in 1985. It took me 5 years to get over it--well to whatever you can call getting over it. That is when my Mom and I became extremly close and started doing a lot of traveling together. I still miss my Dad terribly. They say time heals all hurts but it sure does take a long time--doesn't it? I am expecting a new grandbaby on Aug. 19th. Asked my daughter to hang onto it till Aug. 23rd.(LOL)--that is my Dad's birthday and I sure would love to have a fun replacement on that day!!! I know you can understand that. |
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| Deb, Those are truly tough times....... I've been down some rough roads, but the toughest for me was losing my dad, next my mom. I can relate to still wanting to call................. God Bless You........... |
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Thank you for your beautiful thoughts about your mom. I lost my grandmother on January 1st of this year. I know it is not the same thing but for me it was a difficult loss since we are on the mission field and I was not able to go home for the funeral.
I will say a prayer for you today that God will bring all those wonderful memories of your mom to your mind today. |
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A Word to lift you up, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received form God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over in our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."
May His comfort overflow in you! |
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Eliza |
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January 29, 2008 at 10:40am |
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| Deb...I am praying for you....you and I both know what these days feel like....remember the good times...God bless you.... |
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Deb |
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January 29, 2008 at 11:08am |
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restore, yes, you do feel our pain, and we feel yours. Just something else we have in common...my heart goes out to you as well.
Cheryl, my heart goes out to you having your mom a ways away from you and not being able to see her as much. Is she alert still? My mom was alert and oriented til the end, and I am thankful for that.
Joey and woman of joy, thank you.
Brenda, I do hope your new grandbaby is born on your dad's birthday, and it is possible. Either way, I am sure that you dad's memory will live on as you tell your grandchild about him.
yucatandeaf, that would be so hard to lose your grandmother and not be able to come home for the funeral. You can say good bye to her anywhere, but still, it is better when you can be with your family and say good bye together. I am sorry that you were not able to do that.
DeeDee, the scripture that you gave was the exact same scripture that I used to lift someone else up yesterday that is hurting. It is a great scripture and I thank you for sharing it!
Lupe's Wife, I am glad that you got to share what needed to be said to your mom before she left this earth. Thank you for sharing that with me.
Eliza, yes, you and both know the feeling. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. |
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Fienie |
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January 29, 2008 at 11:16am |
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Deb I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom in May 2000 and 4 months later I lost my dad but The Lord is my comfort and He gives me strength. There are times that I long for their wisdom, there love, and I wish I could just spent some more time with them. It is good to cherish the memories and remember them on their special days but I pray that our Father will comfort you and give you peace, it doesn't get better but you find rest. Take care |
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Lord,I ask that you be with Deb in a very real and special way today.I ask that you give her a special day and that you wrap your arms around her and flood Deb with your comfort and with happy memories of her mom today.Lord,we thank you,we love you.Amen. |
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Deb |
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January 29, 2008 at 11:35am |
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| Fienie, So sorry about your mom and dad...my dad died a little over a year later after my mom did. He was never happy after she was gone. I know he missed her terribly, and he had no reason to live then. I pray that God gives you comfort too, in those hard times. We have our memories. |
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Deb |
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January 29, 2008 at 11:36am |
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| racunpoodle, thank you for such a touching prayer... |
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Lucy |
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January 29, 2008 at 3:29pm |
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| Wow. Same thing happen to me. My mom was very ill, but I thought she would live forever. I was short with her that saturday morning. Then i went to baby sit and the last thing i said to her was, "I am coming early to do your hair you look like a mess, and you don't want to go to church like that tomorrow" she said "don't worry where i am going it does not matter" For two weeks she let herself go. I think she knew she was going home to be with the Lord and did not tell us anything. October 17, 2004 I got the phone call that she had been taken to the hospital. I said oh boy here we go again, her blood pressure is high they will leave her for a few days, and back home again. This kind of annoyed me. Well little did i know she was never coming home. The Dr. told me they had been doing CPR for 45 minutes, I was an hour away. By the time I arrived she left to be with the Lord. I wish i can turn back time. I too miss my mom very much. If your mommy is still with you cherish her, love her and do all you can for her. I am comforted to know she is well. But yeah sometimes think she's around to tell her something, but she's not here. But one day I will see her. Today is my first husband's Birthday he would have been 53. But he went home to the Lord 13 years ago. Well life goes on, yes it does. I take it one moment at a time. God Bless everyone who reads this (long) comment. Lucy Rios. |
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Kathy |
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January 29, 2008 at 3:35pm |
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| A hug for you, Deb, and a prayer for your comfort and peace. |
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Deb |
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January 30, 2008 at 10:59am |
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Lucy, ((((((hugs)))))) for you Lucy...our situations sound alike. If only we could go back and get the chance to tell them one more time how much we love them. But I guess they know...at least I think my mom did.
Kathy, thank you. |
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Gene |
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January 30, 2008 at 3:19pm |
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Deb,
This Thanksgiving it will be 40 years since I lost my mom. She was only 38 at the time - I was 14. My dad is still around but is having various problems lately. Both my wife's parents are gone. Her dad died in his sleep after spending the day doing all the things he loved to do and kissing his wife good night. My wife's mother died in our family room after my son's birthday party - from a pulmonary embolism.
No loss is easy. The peace only comes from "getting used to it." Enjoy what you have with them while they're around. In many ways it's like our children. They grow up and leave. Our parents do too. Peace! |
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mandy |
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January 31, 2008 at 9:02am |
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Will be praying for you Deb I know how hard this is. My Grandma died on my son's 5th b'day she took over my care when my mom had me so she was my 2nd mom I still miss her now and it's been over 13 years God Bless you |
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Deb |
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January 31, 2008 at 10:47am |
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Gene, I remember reading about your mom. You are right, no loss is easy. I think losing a mom though is one of the harder things...of course, losing a child would have to be the worst...and a spouse...goodness, losing anyone is hard! But it is also a part of life.
Mandy, that is sad about your grandma, and her being gone so long. I don't remember my grandmothers too well, the one died before I was even born, and the other one died when I was five. My mom and my sister were my two "mom's". I still have my sister which I am thankful for. |
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Gene |
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January 31, 2008 at 2:14pm |
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Deb,
Are you still living close to your parent's house? And do you get the chance to go to the cemetery and visit? I hope so. I don't have that opportunity where I live. I think it woudl be benficial. |
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Deb |
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January 31, 2008 at 5:55pm |
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| Gene, yes, I live about five minutes from where my parents lived, and drive by every once in a while. I miss that house, as I lived quite a while there with them. And yes, I do get to the cemetary on occasion, but I know they are not there, just their bodies. I do it more out of respect and as a memorial. At first, when my mom first died, I went there often, and I would cry a lot...I still cry if I go there, because it brings back the bad memories. I used to be a floral designer, and I would bring her flowers a lot when she was alive...and now I try to take some to the cemetary, but in the winter I don't get there so much. |
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| Deb, bless you for sharing your heart with us. |
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| Your statements, "Those of you that have lost your mother, if you were close to her at all, know that you never really get over that loss. I still have times when I feel like I could pick up the phone and call her. But she isn't there anymore, and the empty place in my life that she used to fill will never be full again. I have many memories of her, and I can remember her without that horrible pain of loss, but I will always miss her being here." are statements I identify with completely. I had many deaths to deal with within a year's time, including my mother, dad, and grandmother (I was her caregiver). I certainly find myself wanting to talk to them and feel the desire to pick up the phone, too! Thanks for sharing. |
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Deb |
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February 03, 2008 at 9:52am |
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DC, thank you.
Yahschild, that is a lot of loss to deal with in a short amount of time. My dad died a little over a year after my mom, but life without her made his life miserable, so that last year was rough. My heart goes out to you. |
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Sue |
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February 03, 2008 at 9:07pm |
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| Very touching. Sorry about your loss, Deb. How sad. |
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Deb |
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February 04, 2008 at 10:44am |
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| Sue, thank you. |
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Hi Deb, thank you for sharing, i can identify, with you , i also lost my mom in a car accident,
that was thirtyfive years ago, also could have lost my dad and my older brother in that same accident, but God is able, so let us continue to keep each other in prayer,
God bless |
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Deb |
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February 05, 2008 at 9:37am |
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| Blessings, wow your mom has been gone a long time. I am glad that you still have your older brother and father. My heart and prayers are with you. It gets easier with time, but it is something that is always there. |
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| While my mom is still alive, my father passed away a couple years ago. Sadly, he was an alcoholic and turned his back on his family. I had no relationship with him for over 20 years. However, I was able to be with him his last few months. I am so glad that God gave me those last few months. |
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Deb |
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February 06, 2008 at 11:05am |
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| Pastor Tim, I am glad that you got the opportunity to be with your dad in the last few months of his life. That is such a comfort to know that you tried to heal the breech that was between you. |
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Denise |
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February 07, 2008 at 6:28pm |
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Hugs to you Deb. It is never easy watching our loved ones leave us. I'll be praying for you
Love and Prayers
Denise |
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Deb |
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February 08, 2008 at 10:42am |
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| Denise, thank you. |
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Gene |
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February 09, 2008 at 10:00am |
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Deb,
You have made quite an impact with this blog. Apparently there are a lot of people who can identify with your hurt. Thanks for sharing.
Peace! |
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Deb |
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February 09, 2008 at 1:02pm |
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| Gene, I think this is something we can all identify with in some way. Thanks for all your comments too! |
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Debbie |
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February 24, 2008 at 5:51pm |
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| Thanks for your comment on my blog. Losing a parent is not something that everyone can understand. My dad was in that open eye state with no one there for 3 months. I remember the day in the hospital when I was alone with him (which was rare) and I told him it was ok to let go. It wasn't long after that he did. I later found out that most of my other siblings and my mother had done the same. It's such a blessing when, after watching a parent suffer, you are finally able to remember them in their whole state and not in that state of suffering that seems to imprint you mind for so long after their gone. I remember literaly picking up the phone to call my dad and then remembering half way through dialing the number that he was gone. I'm just so glad that through Jesus I will be with him again some day. God bless you. |
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Deb |
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February 25, 2008 at 10:47am |
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| Debbie, I can relate to everything you said. It is nice to share our pain with others who have been through the same or similar things. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. |
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