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| Intimacy, Love, and Commitment |
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I have a friend, John Feaster, that I've studied the teachings of the Scriptures with for several years. Recently he emailed me some thoughts about a subject he’d heard discussed at a congregational meeting, that I found interesting. I asked him if it would be ok to use his thoughts from time to time in my blogs and he said it would be fine.
John pointed out the tremendous commitment Jacob made to be with the woman he loved. He worked fourteen years for her even though he was tricked into marriage with Leah for seven of those fourteen years. John points out that he was sure Leah was of some comfort to Jacob during the last seven years, but he still committed himself to work the fourteen years to be with the woman of his dreams. John pointed out the comparison to today's lack of commitment, many times.
How many people would make that sort of commitment today?
It seems the way of men today is to tell a woman we love her, have sex with her, then leave her to raise the baby, best she can.
It really is interesting and I thank John for his thoughts.
I looked (Encarta dictionary) up the definition of commitment and intimacy:
Intimacy is defined as a close personal relationship
This leads me to add the following material that I’ve studied over the years, from various sources. Intimacy is an interesting topic to me, true intimacy--which is not just sex, as people usually think of when intimacy is mentioned. It seems love and such matters are being discussed a lot at this time. We have been created by God with a deep need for intimacy. He is a deeply intimate and relational God and He has created us with the same need.
What is intimacy? Intimacy is defined as an inner closeness and depth of relationship; complete mutual awareness and unhindered access of interpersonal issues, information and interests.
The first deception concerning intimacy is that a relationship or marriage will automatically be intimate. All of us should be comforted to know that no relationship has automatic intimacy.
The second major deception concerning intimacy is that sex produces intimacy. If that were true, prostitutes and other sexually active people would be the most fulfilled people on the earth. However, that isn’t the case.
Even though sex is a wonderful expression of intimacy, the act of sex doesn’t constitute intimacy.
A simple definition of intimacy is "to be close and/or deep." An intimate marriage or relationship is a relationship of emotional and spiritual closeness that goes much deeper than the average friendship or family bond. Because intimacy requires the deepest levels of personal exposure and vulnerability, it can only occur successfully and over a long period of time, where certain elements are present. Genesis 2:24-25 gives us God’s plan for marriage, which is the pattern for intimacy.
2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Intimacy is sharing an attitude of openness and surrender. Intimacy is impossible unless sharing occurs on the deepest levels. More important than anything else is the sharing of our hearts through open and honest communication.
In addition, we must also have meaningful time together regularly, as well as share experiences, friends, etc. An intimate life is a shared life. Lack of intimacy develops in an atmosphere of separateness and selfishness. On the other hand, intimacy occurs when we surrender our individual selves to the common good of our marriage or relationship.
This is the way we fall in love, and it’s one of the secrets to staying in love.
A relationship of mutual support and encouragement. Couples who are intimate don’t compete with each other; they compliment each other. An intimate couple’s partnership begins with a strong and regular expression of commitment, an atmosphere of regular, positive exchange.
We bond with the source that meets our needs. When we are being fed and fulfilled by our spouses or loved one, we want to be with them. Not only that, but the act of nourishing and cherishing each other bonds our spirits together. This is one of the reasons a child bonds in such a profound way to his or her parents. Whoever meets our needs will have our hearts. Also, wherever we invest the treasure of our lives is where our hearts will be. It is important that we aggressively meet each other’s needs on a daily basis. As we do this, we increase the intimate bond of our relationship. When we stop, we starve the soul of our marriages and we embitter our spouses or loved one . Another key element is trust, an environment of safety and security.
True intimacy requires sharing the depths of one’s soul as well as giving of one’s life daily. This is only possible in an atmosphere of safety and security. To the degree that we create an atmosphere of trust is to the same degree we can open our hearts to one another. Trust is built through consistency, careful speech, kindness and humility.
Trust is destroyed through arrogance, careless words, harshness and sin.
When trust has been broken, it can only be rebuilt when the offender takes responsibility for his or her behavior and begins to consistently display a sincere heart.
I also recently saw an article that a study found the secret to a long marriage (and relationship) is communication. New research now finds it’s also the key to a long life! To be free to express feelings other than be resentful that the person could not express feelings.
The worse thing to do is keep it in, not talk about the problem, and be continuously angry. Also, the best way is to listen, don’t interrupt, HEAR the other person, and likewise. You talk back and forth. Use imagination, resolve the problem and come to some agreement that is workable. Yes, I believe in communication, true, honest communication. This helps lead to true intimacy, which can make all the difference in true commitment.
Yes, I think Jacob knew what intimacy and commitment were all about. This story about his commitment is found below.
29:1 Then Jacob went on his journey, and came into the land of the people of the east. 29:2And he looked, and behold a well in the field, and, lo, there [were] three flocks of sheep lying by it; for out of that well they watered the flocks: and a great stone [was] upon the well's mouth. 29:3And thither were all the flocks gathered: and they rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the sheep, and put the stone again upon the well's mouth in his place. 29:4And Jacob said unto them, My brethren, whence [be] ye? And they said, Of Haran [are] we. 29:5And he said unto them, Know ye Laban the son of Nahor? And they said, We know [him]. 29:6And he said unto them, [Is] he well? And they said, [He is] well: and, behold, Rachel his daughter cometh with the sheep. 29:7 And he said, Lo, [it is] yet high day, neither [is it] time that the cattle should be gathered together: water ye the sheep, and go [and] feed [them]. 29:8And they said, We cannot, until all the flocks be gathered together, and [till] they roll the stone from the well's mouth; then we water the sheep. 29:9 And while he yet spake with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep: for she kept them. 29:10And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob went near, and rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother. 29:11 And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept. 29:12 And Jacob told Rachel that he [was] her father's brother, and that he [was] Rebekah's son: and she ran and told her father. 29:13 And it came to pass, when Laban heard the tidings of Jacob his sister's son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, and brought him to his house. And he told Laban all these things. 29:14 And Laban said to him, Surely thou [art] my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month. 29:15 And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou [art] my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what [shall] thy wages [be]? 29:16 And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder [was] Leah, and the name of the younger [was] Rachel. 29:17 Leah [was] tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. 29:18 And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter. 29:19 And Laban said, [It is] better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me. 29:20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him [but] a few days, for the love he had to her. 29:21 And Jacob said unto Laban, Give [me] my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. 29:22 And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast. 29:23 And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her. 29:24And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid [for] an handmaid. 29:25 And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it [was] Leah: and he said to Laban, What [is] this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me? 29:26 And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. 29:27 Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years. 29:28 And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also. 29:29And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid. 29:30 And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. 29:31 And when the LORD saw that Leah [was] hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel [was] barren. 29:32 And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me. 29:33 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard that I [was] hated, he hath therefore given me this [son] also: and she called his name Simeon. 29:34 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. 29:35 And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.
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| What can you say but Great is our Lord AMEN!!!!!!!!! |
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| Excellent blog Yahschild! That is the most complete description of intamcy I have ever read. |
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Doyle, Thank you for your comment and star. Yes, we do serve an awesome, loving God! Thanks for taking time to read my blog!
Evangelist, Thank you for your comment and star. I find the subject interesting and thought others might like to read about it, too. I am glad you enjoyed reading it. Thanks! |
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| Blenda, Thank you for taking time to read my blog. I'm glad you thought it was informative. I appreciate your star and comment. Yep, I've done the same thing with your oops! :) Happens to all of us, I think! Be blessed, Blenda! |
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| nice one Yahschild! love Stu. |
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| Stu, Thank you for your star and comment! I think it's a nice subject, too. I appreciate my friend, John, for the email inspiring me to write a blog about the subject of intimacy, true intimacy! Thanks a bunch, Stu, for your time! |
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| always read your stuff Yahschild, good reading!! love Stu. |
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Deb |
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February 11, 2008 at 5:26pm |
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| This is a very interesting and informative blog. You said Yes, I believe in communication, true, honest communication. This helps lead to true intimacy, which can make all the difference in true commitment. This is so true, and vitally important in successful marriages! |
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Thank you, Deb. You are right, communication is absolutely essential for successful marriages. I also believe real communication is the key to any relationship, business or personal--but intimacy-(real intimacy described in blog)-with true, honest communication is vital for a successful marriage and is a key to sexual intimacy within that marriage, as well. I agree with you 100 %.
I appreciate your participation in this blog. Your comments are always welcome, Deb. |
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| Thanks Stu! I am glad you find my blogs interesting and like to read them. I appreciate your comment telling me that! |
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Joey |
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February 13, 2008 at 12:29pm |
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| Thank you! I've been so blessed to have a husband who, like me, is a homebody. Yes, we are boring, but we have much in common. Communication is one thing we should work on. We've been together for nearlly 25 years (March 4th!). We sometimes make the mistake of thinking we know what the other is thinking and we are wrong. Intimacy is trust, love, respect and really, I think our marriage so centered around God that we don't need that "excitement", and never have. |
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MaKelly |
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February 13, 2008 at 4:26pm |
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OUTSTANDING YAHSCHILD 
I'm so into this but you know that
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| This is really good stuff Sharon. You are just too much with all of your studing and searching. I am so glad we are friends. Been hurting a little yesterday and today. Going to the Dr. and get the stitches out tomorrow. Hope that helps. Love Ya!! |
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Thank you Joey, for the nice comment. I appreciate your sharing your thoughts and your personal sharing of your own marriage. By the way, Happy 25th Anniversary on March 4th!!!!
Yes, the fact that you and your husband were both homebodies did not hurt one bit! At least you were compatible about that subject. Yep, God, trust, love, and respect--you certainly have that right! As far as excitement, sounds as if you two have a lot to be excited (and that's the good kind of excitement, isn't it!) about, having a God centered 25 year marriage! Many marriages do not ever make it 25 years these days!
At least you all are probably pretty tuned-in to each other enough that you indeed are correct when you think you probably know what the other is thinking/saying, but are wise to realize that's not always 100%. You might seem boring as far as some marriages go, but that's a lot better than "bad" excitement--which can lead to arguing, fighting AND end of marriage. Sounds like you all have a good compatible marriage and I am always so glad to hear of people that are happily married!
I really appreciate your taking the time to read my blog, Joey, and for your star and comment. Keep up the good, steady, compatible excitement and have lots and lots of anniversaries to come!!!
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MaKelly, Yes, I know you are so into this type topic!
I thank you so much for taking time to read the blog and for your star and comment. I'm glad you found it to be an outstanding blog! I appreciate that!
I am so into this type topic, too! I've always enjoyed reading everything I can about relationships, since we all have personal and business relationships. Intimacy can cover many levels, but for marriage, we really need the deepest intimacy and trust, outside of the Savior. Thanks, MaKelly!
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Grandmama, Thank you for your star and comment. I'm glad you are better and that we are friends, too. Blessings to you.
I am glad you find my research and blogs interesting and informative. I've always enjoyed learning, especially about relationships and self-help type topics. Even if I don't have the situation or problem I read about, it's interesting and helps me understand humans, problems, and how our loving Savior is the answer, every time!
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Cheryl |
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February 17, 2008 at 2:07pm |
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| Yahschild, as usual great blog! Choose life or death~This is life! Love~ |
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Arlene, Thank you so much for your comment. Also, thank you for your encouragement.
Yes, Arlene, if we would only go back to the Bible. I think you agree! :) Yes, life is the much better choice, I agree with you.
There's nothing new under the sun, as Solomon said, but the way people act--they've invented something new and better! Little do they know that God gave us the instruction book, the Bible, to follow for proper working order and life for humans and relationships. The instruction book needs no improvement and to change the instructions ruins the whole thing!
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Cheryl |
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February 17, 2008 at 2:54pm |
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| Amen! |
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| Captivated, Thank you so much for reading my blog and leaving a star! I appreciate it very much! Intimacy, Love, and Commitment are all so important. Actually one blog can't do justice to it. But, I thought the commitment of Jacob was remarkable! Even though he was given the sister, so he would have at least had a wife--he loved enough and was commited enough to work 14 years for Rachel. Amazing, considering today's standards! |
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This is beautiful. I see this in our relationship with our Lord too. I like to refer to it as getting naked with the one who covers our nakedness and going deep.
Thank you much for this lovely description of intimacy. What a sweet aroma. Love in Him. Joanne |
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| May I share with others outside this arena? |
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Arlene, Thank you for your comment!
Cheryl, Thank you for your star and comment!
Thank you for taking time to read this blog!
Both of you are so very encouraging to me! |
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Joanne, Thank you for taking time to read this blog. I appreciate your star and comment.
Yes, intimacy is an interesting subject. The Savior KNOWS us in the most intimate way, every thought and every act. HE understands us better than any human ever could. However, since we do have to interact with other humans on this Earth, it's important to understand real intimacy and the various levels of true intimacy. Too bad that a lot of humans equate intimacy only in a sexual basis--which is intimacy in one form.
Yes, as far as I'm concerned, you may share the contents of this blog. I've always loved to learn and I've always collected information on various subjects--all of my life. Had someone not "shared" information--I would not have the "collective" thoughts for my own growth. By all means, share and therefore help others who might be "hungry" for information!
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Thank you. I came back to check your response cause I see someone who can benefit from this (as we all can, myself included). It just seems perfect for her and her marriage now.
Yes, I know what you mean. I feel like I can absorb fairly much and it is like pieces of a puzzle here and there. Then when the Lord says, "all systems go" the pieces start falling into place for the overall picture too and I am the first one dazzled by Him.
Amen to the other thing. God first and then our neighbor.
You are such a sweatheart and blessing. Keep sharing his love.
I am one benefitting.
Love in Him.
Joanne |
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Joanne, Thanks for coming back to check the response. By all means, if this blog can help your friend, please let them see the information. Helping others is the important thing.
I know what you mean about the pieces of a puzzle falling in place. Our awesome God certainly can let us know when it is TIME and all systems are on GO! You are right, it's dazzling! :)
Yes, the road can seem quite rocky, but HE works things together for our best.
I am glad you took time to come back, Joanne. I am certainly glad the blog was helpful and that you took the time to tell me about it! You are quite a blessing, yourself. Thanks!
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Due to the headlines this week (governor of New York), I thought it appropriate to refresh our thoughts about love, intimacy, and commitment. We do have similar situations comparable with the governor's problem, in the general population and among the "well known" or rich and famous population, as well. Please don't be misguided about true love, intimacy, and commitment versus the consequences of the lure of pornography--in the many forms available!
Any thoughts about the replacement of love, intimacy, and commitment with the substitute "object" of attention, for closeness?????
If you know of someone interested in or addicted to porn, you may want to read (click) here.
(or copy and paste) http://www.mychurch.org/blog/134266/Freedom-From-the-Bondage-of-Pornography
Also, please feel free to leave a comment, with link to your blog about help with freedom from pornography. |
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