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| Husbands, we are called to TRUE headship! |
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We discussed a familiar Scripture at our men’s prayer & accountability breakfast this week, with a slightly different twist. The passage:
5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
The usual response from men to this passage of Scripture is, “see, the husband is the head, that’s the way it was meant to be.” Well, this time around we saw it a little differently. Rather than a simple justification of the headship of husbands, we saw the real point of this passage as being the basis of a husband’s true headship, as illustrated by Christ’s basis of headship.
How did Christ become the head of the church? It says, “of which he is the Savior.” The church, the relationship, exists because Christ was willing to lay down his life for her, to give up everything for her, to become her Savior. This is the basis for Christ’s claim of headship!
So in light of this, how do you, husband, rightly call yourself the head of your wife? By willingly letting go of the life that you used to call yours. By lifting up your wife’s needs, her health, her life, putting her before you in all things. It’s called sacrificial love! Only in so doing can you truly call yourself the head of your wife. And this, by the way, is the best way to get her to enthusiastically acknowledge your headship as well. If a husband is not willing to give up, give in, and give all for his wife, does he really have any moral basis whatsoever to make the claim of headship?
This blog’s for you, brothers! ps... (Actually sisters, it's for you too!) |
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| To add a comment to "Husbands, we are called to TRUE headship!" |
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| March 06, 2007 |
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| I agree. My wife and I just returned from a seminar put on by Dr. Gary Chapman. He is the author of The Five Love Languages. It was one of the best things I have done as a husband and would encourage you all to attend one of these.
I would like to add:
It is easy to die for someone. Many of us wouldn't think twice about dying for our wife and kids. BUT how hard it is to LIVE for them!
Thanks Mike,
Brother Chris |
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| March 06, 2007 |
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| It's "human nature" to read scripture with a "how can I be benefited" state of mind. When read "what am I to do" to earn those benefits then there is true profit. |
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| March 06, 2007 |
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| In marriage prep, I always tell the guy that the bottom line on this passage is that his fiance (wife) should know Jesus because of what she sees in her intended. From my side of the desk, the awkward silence is really enjoyable! |
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| March 08, 2007 |
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| I am surprised the ladies aren't lining up to star this blog!! :-)
~mike |
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| March 08, 2007 |
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| OK, Mike...starred
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| March 08, 2007 |
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| Pastor Dan,
I wish the man that married Carmen and me would have dug into that a little further. Then he would have known I was not saved. It is on this side of the 10 years we have been married that I now realize how much better it would have been had I known Jesus and what the Bible says about my role as husband, father, and man.
Bro Chris
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| March 08, 2007 |
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| Chris, there's a philosophy called "missional weddings" that takes that opportunity into account. Depending on your community, there might be one or two times in their lives that people approach the Church on their own terms--weddings and funerals. What if every Pastor in America saw this as a teaching opportunity? What a difference it could make in the state of marriage here. And further, what if you made a point to weave Jesus through every thing you teach? He's the only reason Mrs. PastorDan and I made it through and I gladly share that with every couple that calls our Church looking to get married. |
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| March 08, 2007 |
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| I agree 100%.
I have been a Chef for many years. Once I became a believer, I began asking the spiritual questions. Couples would call me to cater their wedding and then I would have an opportunity to show what God had done for me and my marriage. Now that I am a peacher, I do my best to ascertain a couples salvation experience. I haven't done any weddings yet, but I know I would not marry two people who are not saved. I would not turn them away, but try to explain/show them a more excellent way.
What if you had to go to a minister to be married? No drive thrus, no Justices of the Peace....
Bro Chris |
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| March 09, 2007 |
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Chris, I do marry nonbelievers although I won't marry a believer to a nonbeliever. Allow me to explain: -- In 21st Century suburban Maryland, people just don't come to us that often and say what do we need to do? Admittedly they're asking that in a pretty narrow context but it's still a wide open door. If I turn them away at a time like this why should they ever consider coming back? (That's not a global principle, btw, but it is the checkpoint where I start my praying.) -- I'm upfront about who I am and what I do. I make no secret that Jesus is the source of everything I know that's worth knowing and that I'll be working from the Bible and that Christian marriage is the only kind I teach. I tell them how Mrs PastorDan and I owe our life together to the work of Christ in us. -- I point out that there are lots of places and ways to have a ceremony so at some core level they must be interested in what the Church has to offer. They owe it to themselves to explore. I tell them that they should take this opportunity as a new start to all of life and I invite them to check out our services as part of the prep process. -- I show them the ceremony that we'll be using and explain that it's not really up for negotiation. Although it very traditional, I wrote the ceremony, I'm very passionate about its content, and I can explain/defend each element. You don't tell the surgeon how to cut, you don't tell this preacher how to bless and unite you in marriage. -- I don't do weddings without a meaningful marriage prep course. That's at least 15 hours that we'll all spend together over several weeks. They get to like me (really!), a relationship develops that often continues long after the ceremony. Many of them even check in from time to time. And this isn't some sterile lecture series--we share life, which means I'm constantly offering examples of God's leading, faithfulness, and provision. -- The Gospel is woven all through what I teach but it goes beyond a single conversion-focused presentation. I'm discipling them. Jesus didn't say go evangelize, he said go and make disciples. I'm starting their discipleship toward the day that God converts them. -- I'm introducing them to the Body of Christ. I frequently challenge our folks to get involved in these missional weddings. (Really--I make "the Lord has need" of you phone calls.) Our society is very fragmented and often there's no one to come alongside a couple as they're getting started. I've arranged for a bride to be given away when her family was across the country and couldn't make the ceremony. We've arranged music, flowers, receptions, even gifts; and had couples surrounded by people filled with Holy Spirit joy as they took this step in their lives. It's powerful and, as I once heard Erwin McManus describe it, it builds a Church around them toward the day that they become a Christian. -- Finally, I realized a long time ago that I'm not the marriage "gatekeeper"--a couple doesn't have to be all that determined to find an alternative to dealing with me. But I feel that if they're willing it's better they should deal with me. I'm not running an assembly line. I'm sure that by the time they get married they will have been thoroughly prayed for and with; they will have heard the Gospel multiple times in multiple ways; they will have been well instructed in the significance of marriage, God's pattern for their life together, and given some strategies for making it through where so many others have failed. |
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| March 09, 2007 |
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| You can always count on a star from me bro! Chris...my husband is also a chef. |
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| March 09, 2007 |
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Dan (& Chris), I can think of almost no better way to introduce someone to Christ than through marriage prep!!! Think about marriage as being the model of God's relationship with us. For better or for worse, that IS how God has VOWED to love us! Man, this is exciting stuff! ~Lord bless, mike |
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| March 15, 2007 |
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OK, another star from the ladies!!! yeah!!!! I guess I haven't piped in because I've enjoyed reading what Godly men have to say. You guys are few, and far in between. Your sister in Christ, Gina |
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| March 17, 2007 |
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AMEN, AMEN, AMEN! ! ! ! This is so very true and honest if!, only every man knew that and could and would walk in it. HALLELUIAH! ! God bless (ysic) Sis Cynthia |
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| March 17, 2007 |
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| HI Sis Cynthia! Yes if only every man did know this! Heck I would settle for every Christian man! I believe if every Christian man recognized the true basis for Biblical headship in the home, divorce would come to an end in the church, and the church's ministries would soar in effectiveness! ~Grace, mike |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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I love this comment from Pastor Chris: It is easy to die for someone. Many of us wouldn't think twice about dying for our wife and kids. BUT how hard it is to LIVE for them!
So true for even us ladies. When our husband's get this, then we do begin to see them in a whole new light! I think I need to print this out and show my husband! LOL! Here's a star Mike and once again thanks! |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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| Thanks LaTonya! Yes it is very difficult to live for someone else. I believe that is the real meaning behind Jesus giving up his life for us...he never did live for himself. He was the perfect husband, and still is!!! |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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If you read between the lines (where the power resides) the Body is female. The Body is a S-he.
the head is a He. This was the original design by God in the garden. Jesus Christ has restored the men to their proper place. We now reside in a feminine nature. This is why the gentle nature of the Spirit is quite common to the female nature. (Gentle/long suffering/humble/submissive ect....provides milk to the young ones ect...)
This is also why the Devil has stressed the Church to be Male influenced. This keeps the body out of harmony, which then is an easier target to overcome. Men have quite a bit to lay down before the altar. The Church or Body of Jesus is Female.
Luk 23:29 For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.
Now look again a little closer:
Rev 1:13 And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle.
Sometimes we have to wonder if the Church will ever understand. This male led organization needs some women to image the body correctly.
Kw. |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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| kw, that makes absolutely no sense to me. Sorry! I promise to give it some more thought though. |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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I gave you a star.....this is good!
While my husband was in counseling with our pastor, he told the pastor that I was the best wife a man could ask for.....the pastor told him to stand up and be what God intended him to be as a husband and he would see my "real best", that it can be even better than my husband ever thought it could.....my husband actually came home and told me about this. |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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| Wow Cindy, sounds like that pastor/counselor had some awesome advice! If husbands would resolve to serve and cherish their wives, man would they be blown away by the blessings they would reap! (Wives, that could actually work the other way around too -- for scriptural proof, see 1 Pet 3:1-6) |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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| Mike, man that takes all the fun out of being the husband. :( Seriously though, if you love someone, sacrifice is not an issue. My wife comes before me and she in turn returns the favor. It is a great concept! When I counsel young people I tell them that marriage is not 50/50 but it is 100/00. If you both have that attitudue it's great. However, even if the one is a taker, it is more blessed to give than receive. |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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Mike: PS When I read the title I thought it read "Husbands called to true hardship." LOL
I know that's right! |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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Mike, it does work both ways
I was blessed to be able to lead my husband to the Lord. He has addiction problems, and has always told me that I'm the one who hasn't given up on him and stood firmly besided him. There have been many times, I've wanted to give up......but that's not what God called me to do.
We have a wonderful testimony of God and second chances......we divorced in 2000 and after a while God, telling me to TRUST HIM, led me back to my husband and we remarried. It hasn't been easy, things didn't become perfect because I put my faith in God......but I continue to trust God and have faith in him. |
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| May 05, 2008 |
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Cindy, you absolutely made my day with your testimonial there of divorce/remarriage. That must have been extremely difficult, to return to a man whom you had torn away from. Thank you for sharing that!!!!
Todd, called to true hardship? You aren't right, man! Still, sounds like you're counseling the young marrieds-to-be very wisely! Keepin track of them after they get married? (Like, how many stay married?) |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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| I was running perfect for a while, but time and things happen. Most of them are doing well though. I can almost spot a divorce before it happens, but what can you do? All we can do is show them way. |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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| Our pastor said just Sunday that when he counsels couples who want to get married, he tries to give them every reason not to get married. lol |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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Mike, we pray that God uses our marriage.....I have already had younger women, when their marriages are in trouble, say " Look at you, it can work!"
Our testimony goes alot deeper that what I told.......this was the short version :)
We do have jokes about it too.....for example:
I tell people how horrible my first husband was...but my second husband is the love of my life! Then I explain that they're one person, LOL
Are our children their own stepbrothers?
I tell people that I love him sooooooo much, that marrying him once wasn't enough :)
And the biggy we pulled on our pastor....we told him to figure out if my husband is qualified to be a deacon.....he's the husband of one wife? LOLOLOL |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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LOL!!
Cindy.....you've got a powerful ministry in the making there!!! |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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Mike, I see it happening with couples alot more since it happened to us. And the thing I hear the most from them is " I tried, but it didn't work".....there's the problem, they "tried" instead of trusting God to handle it. I do believe that God is using us, it's definitely a walk of faith and not an easy one, but God never promised "easy"...... :)
Where I find it hard, because I'm a jump in and do person.....is when I'm told someone's story, I want to go to them right then....instead of waiting on God to direct me. This is where He's refining me..... |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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Cindy, I love your words. They have power and truth in them. I have always been told if you have "tried" something, then that means you have also quit it. Since quitters never win and can't never could 'til he tried then your words ring true.
You are a wonderful woman of God! Thanks for your testimony!
Mike I have been lead here three times now from other websites! LOL! Read and reread until I get it! Thanks again! |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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| Thanks Sugah!!!!!! |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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| Thanks Mike for this one - its great! Plus love all the comments on it. |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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| Ladies...this was one of my favorites from the archives. My prayer is that the men in your lives read this (or come to this conclusion from their own reading of scrripture!!) and honor you, if they haven't already been doing so! Here's to happy, fulfilling marriages...definitely the way it was meant to be! |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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| This verse is in the "submission" chapter, the one so many people abuse, quote out of context and misunderstand. Do we realize that submission to the cross was Christ's way of submitting to the needs of HIS bride? Now THAT kind of SUBMISSION is true headship! |
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| May 06, 2008 |
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| Thanks Grant. Yes, most of us have seen and heard this portion of scripture abused many times, in order to exploit, subjugate, subdue women. Jesus surely wasn't interested in subduing his bride!! |
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