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| The loneliest place on earth |
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The top of Mt. Everest? Nope.
A tiny island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Nope.
Ok, how about the North Pole? Nope.
Give up? How about right in the middle of a laughing crowd of seemingly carefree people? If that’s your guess, you guessed right. At least if you’re truly alone in a secluded place, you have God if you know him, and your self-consuming thoughts if you don’t. But when you’re standing amongst a lively group of people who are enjoying each other’s company, and they don’t seem particularly interested in enjoying yours, you are distracted from everything except your own loneliness.
I imagine just about every Sunday folks work up the courage to wander into churches, cautiously seeking a friendly face, and maybe Christ too, only to experience the despairing loneliness just described. Friends, churches are the last places on earth where anyone should feel lonely!
Same goes for here on MyChurch. Imagine signing up, witnessing the glorious camaraderie that goes on here, then nervously posting your first blog only to be completely overlooked. I know, folks who don’t make any effort to reach out probably expect to be overlooked to some degree. Or do they?
Tonight I’m far away from my family, and God is perhaps using this time of loneliness to remind me that there are people who are unable to escape their lonely lives. Even when I find myself in the midst of great fellowship, right beside me could be someone in the loneliest place on earth, struggling amid hopelessness and despair. Lord, may I never overlook or ignore them!
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Cheryl |
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February 20, 2008 at 5:02pm |
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| Amen brother, travel safely! ~ |
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Megan |
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February 20, 2008 at 5:04pm |
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Sometimes when you are even in the admist of people you feel alone, but you keep trying to hang in there all the same.
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Thanks Cheryl!
Amen Chafas!
Thank you Megan...persevere!!! |
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Ragland |
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February 20, 2008 at 5:28pm |
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Hi Mike, Your thought that Churches are lonely places, really stirs my mind. May be you are right in a sense. But may be not. When we go into the church we think we belong there. Maybe probably not, until we know Jesus personally. When I know Jesus, then I am not lonely anymore. There is a host of people with whom I can be comfortable, first because Jesus is with me. Then I realise that God has charged the angels to take care of me. I am not lonely anymore and this is for eternity. Praise God. |
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| There are time our churches do become cliquish & we don't include people.Sometimes we are doing the very thing Christ told us not to do,we are showing partiality.We might not be basing our partiality on rich & poor,but on people who are similar or disimilar to us.We include and reach out to those similar to us,but exclude to varying degrees those who are different,or those we deem too needy or whatever.It makes the excluded people feel like outsiders inside the confines of our churches causing acute loneliness, and causing some to turn their backs on God or at least the assembling together for Christ. |
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Unfortunately, Mike all too often, as you pointed out, churches fail in reaching out to new people. As I was reading your blog, I tried to imagine how I would feel if I were lonely and stumbled into a church, only to be ignored. To me that would only reinforce a sense of loneliness and it would probably lead to despair. The lonely person may leave that church thinking that if he or she can't connect with God's people then who can they connect with.
Unfortunately Christians live in an American Narcissistic culture that is preoccupied with ones own needs and we forget to reach out to others. Thanks for the reminder that Christians are to reach out to those who are new to the church. |
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Denise |
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February 20, 2008 at 5:57pm |
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| AMEN to this blog! |
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racunpoodle - that is an important point I failed to mention...it is our treatment of people, really our ignoring them, that drives some away from the church...ouch! Boy would I hate to have to explain something like that to God.
Pastor Tim, as you point out, people may even walk into churches expecting to be ignored - depending on what they've heard up to then (which was likely bad). So our ignoring them only reinforces the expectations of mistreatment. Why don't we prove em wrong, surprise em. How cool to see their faces light up! |
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Thanks Denise! I love the amen!!
Arlene....I can relate, although I do not have any serious issues w/depression, I know the feelings having grown up with it. (My mother had far more serious issues - I touched on them here.) I like your observation about loneliness increasing as the space between us and God increases. Ragland's point was similar.
And Ragland! How ya been. Haven't heard from you in a while. I appreciate your comment. I would only add that even some/many strong believers can become distracted from their Lord and Savior when in certain situations, some which bring on the feeling of loneliness. Are any of us immune? You're answer for the loneliness of course is THE answer for all loneliness, when we remember! |
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Joey |
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February 20, 2008 at 6:42pm |
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| Mike, you're so right. We never know... until we ask. |
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Your blog has touched my heart. Within the Church, shame on us if someone new or different comes in and they are not greeted with love and compassion. At my church we sing "Victory In Jesus" and during that time we move around greeting each other and visitors. There may be times when someone is over looked. I pray not.
Regarding mychurch, I'm still learning how to navigate around and there probably is an easier way to do it. As I read blogs from myfriends I look for comments from people I don't have on my friends list and I go to their site and read their blogs and comment. I also, go to the explore section but there is only a few blogs listed and appear to be a lot of the same people.
Is there another way? |
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| wow so true. and no one is immune to lonliness. we just have to remember to turn to the Father during those times and let him love on us. |
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Oh Cheryl, I JOIN you in that prayer! And thank you for reaching out to folks here....that is indeed a ministry!! Bless you my dear friend!!
Joey, aw thanks!
preacher_lady...amen. No one is immune. Well said! I know pastors of 30 years who have shown the signs of loneliness, though they didn't always admit it. Am I my brother's keeper? Yes!! |
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Ragland |
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February 20, 2008 at 7:02pm |
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Hi there Mike Yes indeed a long time. I think I had told you before, one of my supervisor was hurt and I became busy taking his place at work (additional responsiblity), then came christmas, new year, internet failure etc. Though I have been reading your blogs regularly I couldnot participate in the discussions as I was learning from other's comments and your blogs. Today I decided break the silence and get into the discussion a little more. Loneliness can be found everywhere: 1. At home ( when you are not in agreement with your spouse or children). 2. At work place 3. While you travel (especially on a train or bus.. not every body speak to one joyfully) 4. Church is the place, where this has to be evened out. Unfortunately, many churches fail. When I say church fails, its the members of the church. When once has the experience of Salvation, one has the tendency to isolate one's self by thinking if we mingle with others, then one's holiness gets corrupted. This tendency puts off new visitors to church, in my opinion. 5. Jesus went to people who were not considered part of the society of his days. We must replicate that in our lives. He was at Galilea, Galileans were thought to be second class citizens by Jews. He was with common people. Are our churches (churches mean members of the churches) emulating him now? |
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Thank you for breaking the silence Ragland my friend!
I agree w/1,2,3,4,and especially 5! Yes, Jesus hung out w/people not especially influential or powerful, i.e. second class citizens (or maybe third or fourth). Are we emulating him now? I pray so Ragland, I pray so!! |
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| I see what you mean. I am away from home, too. Can't even see the eclipse because it is snowing!! |
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Mike...
I understand what you mean because not only do I know friends that has been there before....I have been there before. Right dab in the middle of the crowd...everyone around me too preoccupied to even recognize that I was there. In fact I could have vanished and no one would have known. Good blog my friend!
Jeremy |
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Hi there billiotalex!! So true, there is much more to do in the church...though none of it should be done w/o the H.S. first doing in our hearts. That isn't an excuse, but an enablement. You honor me w/your comment. I can tell your desire to "do" is strong, amen to that!! God bless!
Jeremy, I can tell by reading your comment that you've been there. I've been there too. I pray that we take our experiences and use them to reach others who are still there and haven't connected w/Christ yet. God bless ya buddy! |
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Mike...
Add on to my response....
Sometimes (I believe) God will take us down a to a place of "loneliness" to show us what it is like and to see what we will do. However, He will never put more on us than we can bare!
I thank God for MyChurch. For even though I have my church friends and all...the woman I love is in Rhode Island and everyone else is in Indiana or somewhere.
Do not worry God is with you! And plus you have brethren right around the corner here in Virginia! ~ Jeremy |
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This is what I need to do. I need to secretly install a chip in your brain that sends me messages of the topics you are soon going to blog on and then I will post them...kind of like a twist on "what women want" (the movie with mel gibson people) only it will be "what mike is thinking of now"...
Me and a guy, I will not state his name for privacy reasons, anyways, me and Joey were talking about this very thing tonight after service. To be alone in a crowd is a terrible thing...to be alone among the body is horrible...an outrage.
I used to almost require from my staff that their priority for conversations was to be with visitors...they were to target them, bring them to the other staff, introduce them, find me, and introduce me. Not b/c I was afraid, but b/c I wanted them to understand the personal need of connection. If I as the pastor am the first person to acknowledge a visitor, we have failed and that visitor has already realized our body will not find them as unique and love them accordingly.
People do not give up their Sunday mornings and what ever else time for any other reason than to be loved on and to love on others and in that not take God's grace in vain but freely give. El poste' Excellente 'mi amigo. Didn't know I spke french did you. |
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| Does anyone else feel like some one of the biggest churches in town (with the pastors that are amazing superstar speakers) are often the churches where it's most difficult to meet and get to know people? How can we prevent MyChurch from becoming like that? |
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| Actually, I attented a VERY large church (3000+) and everyone felt connected. The church started from a home group and never lost the love first principle. Churches lose connection when programs replace people in the attention priority. As long as we are making the individual effort of reaching people and calling eachother into action...like sending friends a message about SOMEONE ELSES need...novel idea...or introducing others...anyways if we make sure we attempt to make every person we encounter feel as if we listened and really cared about what we ask and what they say, we will be just fine. |
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Great food for thought Mike. I've often felt the sting of being a wall flower...even in church. Ouch! It does happen. I try to remember that when someone new visits the church, they are needing something...a hug, a smile, prayer...something. I won't know if they got what they needed unless I make an effort to be the person that willing to meet the need.
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Troy |
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February 21, 2008 at 12:25am |
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I think this is one of the reasons our church ask people to get involved with home bible studies. the church might get to big but the home bible studies neve do. The problem with that is that the same people who don't get involved at church, don't get involved in home bible studies either.
Getting involved and getting together are to of the biggest keys in the New Testament church.
2:42And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' teaching and fellowship, in the breaking of bread and the prayers. Fellowship and breaking bread both involve people. If we can commit steadfastly to these 4 things, I believe any church can have a good foundation. (personally, I believe that breaking bread also involves remembering what Christ did on the cross for us. thatas what helps us to do the hard things.) |
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Rosie |
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February 21, 2008 at 1:05am |
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| Mike you really hit on this one.....Be save in your travel...and remember You are never alone.... |
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| Excelent post Mike. I posted a Blog that was inspired by this BLOG 'cause I didn't want to post a BLOG sized comment. |
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All I will add to this is a huge "AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thanks so much for posting this.
Forgiven. |
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Rosie |
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February 21, 2008 at 6:23am |
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| Hey Mike that was to be be safe on your travel...... |
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We were just talking about this Tuesday night. It's all part of fellowship, which I wrote about yesterday. We go to a fairly large church (3 Sunday a.m. svcs), and while everyone is friendly, I believe most see only familiar faces while the others blend into the background. I try to smile & say hello to everyone, even if I don't know them; people I know get hugs (ladies) & handshakes (men). I do the same when I'm out shopping or walking in the neighborhood as well, minus the hugs. One friend of mine seeks out faces that are not familiar to her, introduces herself (and her husband, if he's nearby) and welcomes them to our church. She asks a few questions & maybe even gets a phone number or gives hers. She also makes a point to physically touch at least 10 people, asking if there's anything she can pray for on their behalf. THIS is a model I intend to follow. I won't start out as ambitious as she did, but by making contact with a few people each week, you CAN make a difference. |
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Great Blog Mike!,
you know, my husband has only just started going to church with me, and I know he is slowly warming to our church and to the idea of surrendering to God, but I know what you mean as far as feeling lonely. I worried at first that too many people in our church would approach him, and welcome him, and mabe even scare him a little. It was not like that at all. I think part of him would have preferred to bee invisible as he was in a new strage place to him, but he told me afterwards that he couldnt beleive how genuine, and friendly everyone was. His first visit to Calvary was actually the evening my daughters were baptized, so he was able to meet a few people before a Sunday service.
I think we should always make every effort to make new people feel welcome, I think it is part of our responsibilty as christians. We should pray every day that our encounters with unsaved people bless them in some way, shape or form. This will be a new "top of the list prayer" for me. Especially since we only get one chance to make a first impression. Thanks again for this blog, I love that the Lord used your time of lonliness to give us a little reminder not to forget the lonely people in this world . Good Job! |
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Thanks Mike... for the reminder that we must reach out to others... who just might be in need of being reached out to. This does makes sense right?
Pastor Aminata |
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Yes, I would have to agree with this........there are times I feel alone at church amongst my brothers and sisters and I have been there for almost 10 years now. Fortunately, I have matured in the Lord over the past several years to know that even though camaraderie is great and needed, I ultimately do not attend church to be part of the crowd. His grace is sufficient for me. That being said, is in no way an excuse that releases me or anyone else for that matter from not reaching out and befriending someone else that may not have that same feeling. It is our relationships that bind us together and as my pastor says, "Be friendly and you will have friends."
Good Word! |
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Deb |
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February 21, 2008 at 12:46pm |
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| When I first visited the church that I now belong to, I was overwhelmed at how nice and welcoming everyone was. And I see it now when strangers come in. We try to make everyone feel welcome. Do some fall through the cracks? No doubt, but we do make the effort to try to reach everyone that passes through those doors. All churches should be like that, but sadly, some are not. |
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carrie ann, I hear you. For me though, it's worse being alone while with other people, b/c I start to wonder what's wrong with ME?
Deb, your first impressions of your current church say much about the fellowship there...outward focused, warmth and eager to receive others. As opposed to a closed group who's happy to remain that way. That way of thinking breeds us vs. them, or factional Christianity. What did Paul say about that? (see Gal 5:19-21, noting the last word in v.20, or "act of the sinful nature" listed)
Thank you Plumbline - I know, funny, I too can sometimes feel alone even in my own fellowship. Weird isn't it? Perhaps evil spirits trying to draw us away and isolate us emotionally? Alone we're more prone to being easy pickings for temptations of all sorts. |
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cella jean, we love you too! And we speak english! lol Why a year w/o church? (I don't think you ever told me that before...) ps... I can really relate to the lonely in a crowd feeling, been there more times than I care to mention.
Pastor Aminata - yes, makes perfect sense! We don't always know who needs reaching out to either, do we? I think the H.S. can speak to us and lead us to precisely those people, IF we are in a good place w/God and sensitive to the Spirit's leading.
Tammy - thank you for that insightful comment!! Yes I believe we can frighten folks away if we aren't careful/sensitive in our approach. I remember visiting churches, and preferring to view the proceedings almost as if I was looking through a two-way mirror, I could see them but they couldn't see me. But then, when someone did approach me the "right" way, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable at all, in fact I enjoyed it! ....ps....It was really great to meet you Sunday! Exciting to hear about your husband too - wow! |
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Gene |
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February 21, 2008 at 7:18pm |
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Hiya, Mike!
I don't think you'll have a problem but I share your concern for those who come and then fade away. I'm sure I've been guilty before and will likely be guilty again. I hope nobody takes offense in that - none is intended.
Peace! |
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Hi Gene! What, you offend? NEVER!
Bernadette, may God bless and fuel your efforts to reach out...awesome! And your friend, the one that extracts phone numbers upon meeting new folks....wow is all I can say. I pray that kind of behavior in your church is contageous!
Thanks so much Cathy (Forgiven), Rosie (bless you dear friend) and Dave (still the hope fiend!). |
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Troy...right on, man! Home fellowships are POWERFUL!! We wouldn't even consider a church that doesn't do them! ....ok, maybe that didn't come out right. Of course God could put us at a church w/o them, but I would certainly hope he would start em up soon after! Also, you have to get folks INTO the home fellowships. They can be a great opener for conversation w/people you don't know on Sunday...."Hi! How are you? So are you in a small group?"
Birdie...I love that statement you made..."I won't know if they got what they needed unless I make an effort to be the person that willing to meet the need." Perhaps God will use you as that person, or maybe you'll discover the need's been met already! |
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Carebear!!! You asked a great question!!!
"How can we prevent MyChurch from becoming like that?"
Answer....by wanting to badly enough!
(doesn't God put it in every one of our hearts to want that??) |
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Patrick..."like sending friends a message about SOMEONE ELSES need"
Great idea!! When we see others w/needs, pass it along....but be careful not to do so in a way that can be construed as gossip!! Um, I'm glad you didn't mention Joey by name, we must respect his privacy.
Jeremy Daniel....funny thing about the "brethren right around the corner here in Virginia!" They make such good dinner partners! |
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| Yeah, gossip is bad...that's when good old fashion common sense should reign...and I never like to use names, only initials...you know to protect the privacy of my friends...like say...Joey |
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Patrick, I appreciate the way you had your staff corral visitors to see you. Shows you were seriously emotionally vested in greeting them in the Lord. You weren't foolin' around!
And I really like how you put this: "People do not give up their Sunday mornings and what ever else time for any other reason than to be loved..." Seriously, nobody goes to church to deliberately be lonely, for crying out loud! |
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Exactamongo...that is so true but hard to get across. I was instructing on this and one person told me that he "didn't feel like going through the motions...you know, hi, what's your name, how you doing, and so on...I hate going though motions..."
I told this guy the same I would tell anyone...if asking someone their name and how they are doing is going through motions, the problem is bound within your character. I want to know their name and I want to know how they are doing. They might be just fine or they might be hanging on to some string of hope and need someone to stand with them...one never knows unless they are willing to ask the SECOND question |
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Procyon |
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February 22, 2008 at 1:12am |
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| Another wise blog. You are such an encouragement to many! |
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Troy |
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February 22, 2008 at 2:19am |
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| there is great wisdom and insite here. i must use this for the edification of the church, with your permission. |
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Glenn |
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February 22, 2008 at 6:09am |
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Hey Mike, you hit it on the head again. Back when I was in college I recall sitting in a Christmas party feeling totally alone and wondering if there wasn't more to life than this. Now somewhere along the road, there I found the source of true friendship, Jesus and have been learning that we are never alone. I have held onto the feeling of being alone in a crowd so that I will try to see people along the road who are there waiting for real contact. Thanks for sharing the issue here in a profound way. We in the church or on MyChurch (really it is time thing here) need to see those who are feeling invisable and let them know we see them and care about them.
peace |
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Troy...go for it! But don't forget to cite us, and forward all royalties to the address I will send you. (just kidding!)
Thanks Pro!
Glenn..."need to see those who are feeling invisible and let them know we see/care". Glad you are out there on the front lines bro, that's what the battle against satan is all about. God bless you! (and thanks for the wonderful comment) |
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Donna S |
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February 23, 2008 at 12:11pm |
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Sometimes when you are even in the admist of people you feel alone, but you keep trying to hang in there all the same
Like Megan said I can feel this some weeks at church, as i am new to it.
BUT I am only alone when i push Gid away and choose to feel alone.
Thanks Mike for a great post |
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| Donna...wow, intriguing comment. Can you tell me what might be going through your mind when pushing God away in those circumstances? |
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Gene |
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February 24, 2008 at 3:44pm |
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| Mike, I know what Donna is talking about. There are people in church who do not feel connected with other people. We can be a bunch of happy cliques if we don't pay attention and the result is that people become isolated right in the place where they should feel the most welcome. |
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I don't doubt that for one second, Gene! You're right, we MUST always be on the lookout. People can fall through the cracks if we become careless. Thanks Gene (and Donna)-
God bless! |
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JayKTX |
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February 26, 2008 at 7:19am |
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| This is a problem in most churches. May I suggest one small thing that helps - for those who may not have thought of this: don't always sit in the same place. Mix it up, move around, interact with new faces. Becoming too comfortable causes us to get lazy about greeting new people. |
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Denise |
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February 26, 2008 at 3:27pm |
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Our church is so small we don't have that problem, when someone new comes we are so happy to see them we try to beat them to the door so we can speak to them before they leave when service is over. lol
I have been guilty lately of not spending time on this website, and had almost decided to quit checking it, then I decided to explore some since I had not had the time to do that in a while. I'm really glad I did, thanks Mike, I can't find new friends here without exploring some, who knows what God has in store, I may be the very one someone needs to hear from to brighten their day, if I just keep looking, God will lead me to them. |
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I hear you! Many times I've been there. Sometimes as I travel and I'm spent from giving all I have, at other times when the message is a hard one to give and I'm not the most popular messenger, but through it all, Jesus comforts and lets me know that I am not alone | |
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