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| The Good, The Bad, The Ugly of Forgiveness |
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8:7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her."
7:1 "Judge not, that you be not judged. 7:2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. 7:3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 7:4 Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? 7:5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
It is easy to judge others. Easy to overlook the log that is in our own eyes to point out the speck in someone else’s eye. Even when looking at other Christians, it is easy to point out faults. When another Christian within the church sins, we need to point out their sin, right? We need to let them know they have done wrong. What happens if they don’t think they’ve done wrong? They are not repentant…do we still have to forgive them?
5:12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?
17:3 Take heed to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him;
The Good of Forgiveness…
God has given us grace. He has cast our sin away, as far as the east is from the west. He’s forgiven us, through the blood of Jesus…but we still won’t go to Heaven if we don’t repent of the things we do wrong…and we won’t be forgiven if we don’t forgive others. God gave us grace for OUR sins, but He also gave us grace to extend to OTHERS.
11:25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any one; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses."
The Bad of Forgiveness… If we don’t extend grace to those that hurt us, or sin against us, what difference does it really make? If a person is remorseful over what they have done, it is much easier to extend grace. They at least want to try to make restitution, they are truly sorry, and humbled and hang their head in shame. They are much easier to forgive.
18:21 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" 18:22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.
The Ugly of Forgiveness…
But when someone shows no remorse or perhaps repeatedly goes back to their sinful behavior, then forgiveness becomes ugly - we don’t want any part of it. We want to just be angry and hurt and cast that person out of our lives. Forgiveness is impossible in this case, isn’t it?
6:14 For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; 6:15 but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Yes, it is, if we try to do it on our own. If we stay angry, don’t pray about it, the actions by others to hurt us are not forgiveable. Only with the help of God can we truly forgive. Letting go of the hurt and anger is so very hard to do, especially when someone doesn’t “deserve” it. We have to find a way to turn it over to God, and let Him take over.
God has extended so much grace to us sinners, and yet, since we are human, extending grace to others seems an impossible task when they have wronged us and feel no remorse. Forgiving someone who continues to beat us up and hurt us over and over again, is a reprehensible thought, yet something we have to do in order to be forgiven ourselves. It is a much easier task when we allow Jesus to help us, and when we realize that forgiveness sets us free, even if the person we have forgiven doesn't repent.
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Deb,
I finally understand why it is so hard for some people to forgive.... as many times as I have counseled others on the "forgiveness" issue... and still see them struggling.... I now understand.
Here is my thinking... when we choose not to forgive... we are playing the role of God. We decide who deserves to be forgiven, based on the "pain that I have suffered." Here is where we miss it.... to forgive is really for the person who needs to forgive more than the person who needs to be forgiven. Why? Because then you will be free, released, un-inhibited from doing God's will.
Example: A mother asks to go to the prison to meet the person who murdered her daughter. She looks at him and says, "I forgive you." She doesn't expected anything from him. She's not forgiving him for his sake, rather she is forgiving him for her sake. While he may be in a physical prision, she was in an emotional prison. By forgiving him, she has set herself free.
Please forgive me....lol for hogging your blog.
Pastor Aminata |
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| I know... it's that man vs woman thing. There is a very fine line between "forgiveness and going back to temptation." It is easy to forgive a person. It is hard to forget, it is even harder to resist temptation. I am not perfect, just forgiven. |
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In letting go of the hurt, anger we are setting ourselves free. We are free from carrying around that heavy burden... It is easier said than done, I know from experience. But once done, truly done we are as light as the wind and a new person. The light of Jesus really shines through...
Much Love |
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stu |
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February 29, 2008 at 8:38am |
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| Brilliant piece of work Deb, so clear! Stu. |
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DeboraJ |
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February 29, 2008 at 9:06am |
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| Good word Deb, an important reminder. It is for freedom that we have been set free. Even freedom from the captivity of other's deeds. How blessed we are! |
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Deb |
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February 29, 2008 at 9:08am |
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Pastor Aminata, you can hog my blog anytime you want to! I totally agree with what you said. Sometimes just forgiving someone relieves us of so much stress...it isn't for the person who committed the sin, it is for our own welfare and our own interest. I am glad you shared your thoughts!
Tom, yes the forgetting part is harder...you continue to wonder if that person will do it again...and thank God that He does give us forgiveness, and the ability to forgive.
mstovall20, yep, easier said than done. I know from experience to, that true forgiveness is very liberating! We have new life!
Stu, thank you so much! |
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| Fantastic word, and I agree! Yeah, it's the Holy Spirit within us that enables us to forgive the so-called "unforgiveable." Otherwise, forget it! My flesh wouldn't do it. If unforgiveness can separate us from God for eternity (which I personally do believe it can), than He will make sure He gives us the grace to do it, cuz He wants to be with us. |
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Deb |
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February 29, 2008 at 9:10am |
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| DeboraJ, we are truly blessed! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. |
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Deb |
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February 29, 2008 at 9:11am |
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| Lara, that is right, if God wants us to be with Him, He will give us what we need to forgive. We just have to be careful to not harden our hearts to Him, which is oh so easy to do when we are hurt. |
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Hi Deb! This is a great post! I've learned a lot about forgiveness in recent years and I believe that you have hit the nail on the head here. It's so important for us, for many reasons, to just lay it all at the feet of Jesus and forgive people, NO MATTER HOW WE FEEL! I guess the thing I struggle with these days is people who don't forgive. There are a couple of people in my life who, for some unknown reason to me, choose to hold onto their unforgiveness, grudges or whatever. I've done all I can to make things better, but there comes a point when I can do no more and the forgivess ball is in their court. The thing that breaks my heart is that these are people who claim to be Spirit-filled Christians and I'd love to have a relationship with them again, but they continue to hold that ball. It's difficult for me to let people like that go, because I know they are only hurting themselves, and I care too much to let them go. But because of their attitudes, I have to.
Anyway, great post!
Blessings,
~ Chris |
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Deb |
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February 29, 2008 at 11:51am |
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| Christine, Sometimes all you can do is pray about a situation. If you have done all that you can, you just have to leave it in God's hands and know that things will work out. Forgiveness takes time, and with time, healing occurs and perhaps these people will be ready to communicate with you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. |
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Cheryl |
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February 29, 2008 at 11:59am |
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| Deb, again a beautiful piece. Forgiving my exhusband was hard with all he had done. The pain was deep. Through God's mercy though forgiveness happened. Forgiving though does not mean you have to go back, such as in a abusive relationship. That is not God's will. God's will is for peace and it would not be okay for someone to reenter danger into their lives. Thank you for the blessing~ love |
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Given that my favorite movie of all time is The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, I must star this blog! Well, I would have starred it anyway Deb - good stuff, we've come to expect it from you now! Yes, to forgive is good, but then unforgiveness definitely ranges from bad to ugly. But if we can forgive the bad and ugly, then we can forgive anything! And it's all good!!! |
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Deb |
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February 29, 2008 at 12:14pm |
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Cheryl, I couldn't agree with you more. By forgiving someone, we don't even have to be friends with them again...we just need to release ourselves from the anger and hurt. Never go back to an abusive relationship! I cannot stress that enough! Thank you for adding that to this blog!
Mike, uh-oh, I see I have set a standard for myself and now you have come to expect it from me! lol Please forgive me when I don't meet it :) Seriously, I do agree that if we can forgive the bad and the ugly, we have it made. So much easier than doing it though! |
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awesome post!! wow ( lol I have said this a few times thi smroning on reading others posts )
Forginess is hard and it is hardest of all to forgive self.
My son and i just talked bout this yesterday!
I listened to a cd several times on this by Joyce meyer on Forgive
helped me a lot.
I also just talked ot my Pastor on Judging, the differance of talking to our children and judging our children
Have a wonderful day!! God Bless and thanks again |
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Deb |
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March 01, 2008 at 1:55pm |
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| ds13099, Thank you!! It sounds as though you have done some research and work on forgiveness. And I agree, forgiving yourself is the hardest part! |
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| Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to walk out in our lives, I am convinced. We tend to be willing to show mercy and even grace, but it is so hard to forgive others and to forgive ourselves. God help us, please. |
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| There are so many great things you point out in this blog--all I can say is it's FANTASTIC, Deb! |
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Deb |
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March 02, 2008 at 11:50am |
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DC, Amen to that voice...it is especially hard for me to forgive myself.
Yahschild, thank you!!! |
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Gene |
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March 03, 2008 at 8:14pm |
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Deb, I think that sometimes we have been hurt and forgiving only open us up to being able to be hurt again. For some, this is more than they can emotionally handle. Forgiveness is quite difficult. In fact to forgive becomes an overwhelming effort of self-sacrifice.
It's a great blog, Deb the good, the bad, and Mike's favorite movie. |
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Deb |
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March 04, 2008 at 11:53am |
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| Gene, That is so true...if we forgive then we do take the chance of being hurt again. I am watching someone go through a difficult time in their marriage, and she is having trouble forgiving her husband because this is not the first time he has hurt her. She is so afraid to trust him and to love him again, yet she wants to forgive. It is self sacrifice, isn't it? Great thoughts. |
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I believe that one of the main problems in dealing with forgiveness is that we try to forgive the sin along with the person. The Lord told me we should forgive the person and turn the sin over to the Him. In Romans Chapter 7 Paul talks about seperating the sin from himself. He says that it is not him that is doing wrong but the sin dwelling within him. 7:15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
Ever feel like Paul you do the things you don't want to do and don't do the things ypo want to do?
He says that its not him but the sin dwelling in him. He had served the Lord for 20 years at this time.
The way I try to look at it is, that if it wasn't for the sin that caused that person to offend us or worse abuse, us they probably would have been a pretty good person. Forgive the person and turn the sin over to Christ where it will be dealt with. Seperate yourself or another from that sin. |
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Deb |
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March 05, 2008 at 12:14pm |
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| dmmeans, excellent advice. "Love the sinner but not the sin"...and turn the sin over to God. |
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