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| Memory's of my father |
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Hey there my friends, I had recieved a message from a dear friend that made me want to explain the reason why I am so scared of having the love of Jesus in my heart and why when I need it the most, I reject it. The question was: Megan, what is love? "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." Why are you pushing his love away? Why are you rejecting it? I hope that after you read this entry, then you may understand what I mean: I was talking with a dear friend about my family, when the memories of my father had come flooding back through my mind. He is still alive and doing well, but we don't talk much, we haven't had a close connection in nearily 12 years. I may admit that I do miss having the love of a father in my life, but then again I never really did have a father to begin with. I may admit that there are some things that I may never experience with my father like having someone to walk me down the isle on my wedding day or have a bit of a father's love in my life. I think back on the memories that I have with my father and half the time they bring tears to my eyes. I had always done my best to try to empress him, but whatever I did was never ever good enough for him. I wish that he would see how much I love him and that he would tell me that he loved me.
One particular memory that I have of my father is of when I was 16 years old, it was a cool fall day, I had gone to spend the weekend with my dad for my parent's weren't together and I missed seeing him a bit. Well my brother had tackled him to the ground when we reached the house and I had thought, 'Uh oh, know were in trouble.' For I could only recall the memories of an angry father, not a loving, nuturing father like you would come to accept someone to have. Anyways, my dad laughed and tossed my brother gently into a pile of leaves, he caught me and tossed me in. I was to stunned to move, so I was an easy traget...LMHO...We had a fun time playing in leaves till it was dark out, then we had dinner, settled in for a movie and went to bed totally exhausted from the fun that we had that day...This is the only memory that I have of my father that I can say was a good one for me, all the rest are one's that will stay in the past...
Other memories that I have from my father are one's that I wish that I could earse, but they belong in the past and that is where they will stay forever. I know that I have an online dad named Ken who loves me with all of his heart and I also have the heavenily father, so in away I was never alone without a father's love. I find the one song that I can relate to easily is 'I love you this much' by Jimmy Wayne.
If you could please keep a prayer for my father for he needs them and maybe someday he will feel God's love and be there when I need him to be. Also if you could please keep a prayer that I will get to meet my adopted dad, Ken that would mean a lot to me. Your friendship is a special treasure to me and know that each of you have a special place in my heart always. I would add more, but the tears are coming out quiet heavily at the moment and I hope that this will explain the question above. Have a great Tuesday my friends, Megan |
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Geez Megan, that really breaks my heart. Fathers are supposed to be loving, nurturing, protective, caring, supportive, gentle yet strong, gallant, and all that. I won't go into how I feel about your experiences....but they're wrong, and it's absolutely no fault of yours (although I would guess that you feel it is).
With my own children, I am a very different dad than what you grew up with.....by God's grace. How is should be, how dads were designed to be by the Creator. But then there's this little thing called sin.... |
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| Megan, my heart hurt as I read your post and my prayers will continue for you and I will pray for you earthly father. Your Heavenly Fathers loves you so much in-fact He loved you so much He sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins. Stay strong, stay in God's Word and continue to pray as we are praying for you. |
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JayKTX |
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March 04, 2008 at 6:39am |
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May God the Father give you a fresh revelation of his love that heals your hurts and abides with you forever, chasing the fear out, for "perfect love casts out fear," and God's love is perfect. I pray you will know that in all its fullness and also know that because the Father took all his anger against sin out on Jesus on the Cross, he is not angry at you and He sees you as worthy, as "good enough." You are accepted by him. He is already impressed by you and pleased to call you daughter. He rejoices that you are his; He will never leave you. |
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Deb |
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March 04, 2008 at 11:05am |
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| Megan, my dad and I didn't have a very great relationship, and I have a lot of bad memories as a child. It took me a long time to think of my Heavenly Father differently than my earthly father. They are nothing alike, but when you don't have a very good image of a father to look up to, then you tend to think that God the Father is like your earthly father. I hope I am making sense. I will keep your dad in my prayers. |
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Megan, this explains A LOT. My relationship with my dad; or lack thereof, is what kept me from the Lord for 24 1/2 years. We tend to see Father God as we see our earthly fathers, weather we realize it or not. If we had an awesome earthly father, than it is so much easier to see Father God as an awesome Daddy...but few of us did have "perfect" fathers. My dad, like yours, never seemed to be impressed or proud of me. I recall one day I scored a high mark on a test in a subject I usually did horrid in. I think I had almost aced it (my memory is foggy). Anyways, I was hoping Dad would be proud of me ( I was in high school), but instead he said, "Now, if only you could..." I can't remember what it was I should have been doing better, but it could have been anything. That crushed me. And it was always that way. On the farm, I worked hard, and as well as possible, but it was still not fast enough or good enough. He was verbally abusive and was a farmer, so didn't have time to spend with us. I hated him, literally. I blamed him in my adulthood for everything wrong in my life. Well, it took someone coming along and telling me what God saw in me and how much He valued me before it really clicked how Abba Father was! I always thought he was critical and judgemental, and I would never measure up to His standards. But no, I was valuable, special and full of giftings He wanted to use for His glory. He had an awesome plan for me......and the same goes for you. He sees a princess. He sees a writer, an extremely sharp mind, an encourager....He sees someone who is of great value to His kingdom! And ya know what? God restored my relationship with my dad. It will never be like some ppl have it, and Dad has changed quite a bit, but is still "Dad" in many respects, but God changed my heart towards him. And I love my dad so much! You have no idea! The Lord will not hurt you or reject you. He always has time for you---always wants you around. He wants you to climb up on to His lap and just tell Him your hopes, your dreams and your fears. He wants to encourage you to pursue them, and reach for the stars and the calling He has for you. He just wants to be with his daughter......picture this tender image. That is father God. I will be praying for your dad, and also that someday the Lord could make a way that you could meet Ken. With God ALL things are possible. The Lord can restore any and every relationship, Megan. Love you, girl. |
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| Magan, I pray that things will some day bring peice for you and your earthly father, my relationship with my father was not that great but as I have gotten older I can honestly say that he had reasons for every thing he did and it made me a better person.Some times you have to look past the bad things in life to find the good and with your walk with Jesus you should always look forward not backwards.Love you and will continue to pray for you. |
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Megan |
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March 05, 2008 at 10:20am |
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| Thanks everyone for your comments and prayers for they mean the world to me. I am still hoping that my relationship with my father will be healed, but only time will tell of that one. |
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