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| A Husband's Heart |
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This week has been an interesting one in our house. Alli and I have both had quite a bit on our hearts and minds, but there has been kind of an eerie quiet hanging over these rooms. At first I thought we were just trying to give each other a little space and peace, but then realized GOD was preparing the environment for us to grow in understanding of each other. While this is rarely a painless process, I have finally started to appreciate when it happens.
You see, even after 12 years of wedded bliss (yeah, that's the ticket. LOL) it still surprises me when I realize how clueless I am as a husband. The fact is that this woman, that I have known for 20 years, has been my best friend for 15 of those, have lived with for more than 12, and been a parent with for 10, still sometimes confuses me. The fact that a few thousand nights of sleeping in the same bed, talking more than two people ever should, several marriage conferences as attendees and one as facilitators, has not answered all the mysteries of the one flesh union, still shocks me.
This past week, there was a situation with one of my wife's friends that involved some pretty complex dynamics that escaped me the first several times she explained them to me. I, in typical male fashion, tried to offer a solution that seemed like it would relive the appearent anxiety. BUZZZ!!! WRONG!!!! So then I tried just listening and not doing something as unthinkable as saying anything... As you can imagine, that didn't go over so well either. So now, I wake up the next morning and my wife is mad at me about something that, seemingly, had nothing to do with me. But men, before you loose your voices shouting in empathy, hear the revelation I got from GOD.
We choose our wives because they are the brightest, smartest, most straight forward women we had met at that point in our lives. THEY STILL ARE! When I find her difficult to understand, chances are I am the one missing something. As she matures her thought process becomes more complex, as I mature my thought process tends to generalize and simplify. GOD calls us to cover these women. In my house that means pushing past my own limitations to be who she needs me to be. As Christ did for the church.
The Lord has shown me the difference between lives with and without a helpmate. I am learning to rise above my fleshly daily perceptions and to receive her as the gift from GOD that she is. I would venture to say I am not alone. Wives, also know that we are not as thick as we seem. The mantle of leadership and responsibility can be a little overwhelming and often leaves us without any extra processing power. That is one of the countless reasons we need you. Help in maintaining the servant/leader role often just means understanding, that most of our life is spent concerned about you, in the way GOD has designed us to do so.
"Adam, where are you?" I am here lord. Tired and unsure but here. |
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| To add a comment to "A Husband's Heart" |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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Bulletin to Bhek! Women are a mystery....always were, always will be. Don't try to understand em, just learn to love em! (Sometimes I wonder if God himself understands these creatures!) LOL...all in good jest Bhek! Seriously - I absolutely love your attitude, a very godly one indeed. I can take one look at you and tell that you could be married for 1000 years if you lived that long. BTW men, how do you think Methuselah lived over 800 years with his wife? That man should be a saint! JUST KIDDING!! lol ...Bhek, can you tell I'm having fun with this? :-) |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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ROFL-- Mike! A good sense of humor keeps the lawyers away! :-)
Once in a while I get a little mushy and just thank GOD she puts up with my madness. |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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| Yes Bhek - I too can't say enough about the wife that puts up with me! |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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| Bhek, Juan know how you feel. Just show her that you love her. I learn that my wife cant help the way she act. So i just ignore what she do, and smile and say I love you. Unless it get really bad then Juan has to put his foot down and show her she has to respect me. She has learn not to cross the line. |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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Mike, Now I've got to go check the codes to see what BTW means!! lol. I do agree women are a mystery and that is good!
Bhek, I really enjoyed this post and your wisdom in realationships. My husband (in Iraq) told me on the phone a few days ago "Honey, I will never take you for granted again!" of course I never felt he took me for granted but hey I'll take that! I figure I've got at least a week when he returns to not be able to do anything wrong! That''s us women we are complex but would you have it any other way? |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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Update--
later in the weekend, she finally uncovered the pieces I was missing and I realized she wasn't crazy. She also understood how I was feeling about a situation with my mom before I did. That is what prompted me to write this today. I'm not that sensative, just able to admit when I'm wrong. :-P |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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Great thoughts here Bhek. I agree that we don't often get it when it comes to understanding our wives, but God is gracious even when we are dolts.
As she matures her thought process becomes more complex, as I mature my thought process tends to generalize and simplify. GOD calls us to cover these women. In my house that means pushing past my own limitations to be who she needs me to be. As Christ did for the church.
This is a great thought and I appreciate your insight here. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Thanks also to Mike for pointing the way here.
peace |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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One of my biggest challenges is to not be the problem solver in my marriage. As a scientific, engineering type of guy, I hear the things my wife says about struggles or issues, and I think I have to 'fix them'....after all, she gave me the parameters, the data, and now I'll solve the problem. She's told me time and again to just listen, and I realize that's the biggest thing that I also need in my relationship with God - to SHUT UP and LISTEN...because while I think I might have the solution to the problem, my plans aren't always the way it SHOULD be. (don't tell her I admitted I was wrong about my approach - lol). |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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Growing - I am a numbers/business guy. Cost benefit analysis. Solution are of value. Lack of solutions is not. I am getting better at not fixing things, however, the opposite (to say nothing) isn't very helpful either. To listen is important, but to understand divine. LOL.
Steve - GOD bless. 26 years is more than twice as long as we have been at it. You were supposed to tell me we will grow out of it! :-) |
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| March 04, 2008 |
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When I find her difficult to understand, chances are I am the one missing something Bro that is the most true thang I heard all day. |
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| March 07, 2008 |
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| Profound sir. Definatly spoke to me.Nice to know that there is another man out there capable of thinking beyond the typical rationalizations that most of us make, to see the beauty and complexity of the spiritually bound marriage. Growth is ongoing and continuous, not limited to one perspective and level. Thanks for sharing man. |
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| March 11, 2008 |
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| Oddly enough , our wives say the same stuff about us -in reverse! Simplistic, shut up and really listen, offer sympathy not ready solutions....stuff like that there! After 30 years of marriage I'm still scratchin' my head --and so is she! |
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| March 31, 2008 |
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| I'm shocked. Where's the follow up to this great blog? Bhek, you're falling asleep on the job! lol |
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| April 29, 2008 |
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| I will give you points for trying to understand your wife. :) |
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