1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding
 them at strategic locations.
 
 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
 
 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the
 day.
 
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
 
5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs
together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
 
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
 
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "talk
dirty to me"

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've
got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn
 the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.
 
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so
 long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough
for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
 
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk
around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and
say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.
 
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite
them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
 
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm
Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
 
26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
 
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
 
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you
people just leave me alone?"
 
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you holding hands, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
 
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you
pick your nose.
 
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield
with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
 
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
 
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick
might give an interesting effect!!!)

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if
he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on
the doors of the rest room.
 
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission:Impossible."
 
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
 
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
 
40. Fill your cart with boxes of jock straps, and watch everyone's jaws drop
when you attempt to buy them.
 
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
 
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
 
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
 
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
 
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
 
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things
like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the
clothes are talking to them
 
47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a
very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you
begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew
there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling."
Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming
and having convulsions.
 
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
 
49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the
store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out
much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking
it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
 
52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not
putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various
aisles.
 
53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly
make off with it without saying a word.

54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away.
Continue to do this until they leave the department.
 
55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other
aisles.

57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is,
then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him
in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."
When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same
way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."
 
58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

60.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin
narrow aisles.

61.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

62.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

63.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your
Twinkies?"

65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any
in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" (do this, asking for "diet water.")

66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a
"test drive."