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| Am I Worthy? ... to come to God's table? |
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During the Maundy Thursday service, Rev Bills stated that the reason given to him for why people do not take part in communion was because people thought they were not worthy to come to God's table. That got me thinking... Am I Worthy? So am I worthy to come to God's table? You know, and maybe most do, before I take communion, I reflect on my life. What have I done for Jesus? How did I handle what came my way? Who do I still need to forgive? Who have I wronged? Was I positive? Did I say something to give someone hope? Did I make a difference? Tonight, as I reflected, I thought about my life. A child from a divorce with a father who wasn't a part of my life. A controlling step-father who molested me and physically abused my siblings. A mother who cared only about her. Step-grandparents who insisted that I was not family. An uncle who wasn't allowed to visit because of his sexual preference. With a life like that.... Am I Worthy? Am I worthy to come to God's table? Then I thought about my reaction to my life. Depressed and hated life. Attempted suicide. Turned my back on God. Sexual promescuity, trying to find love. Physically abusing myself with cutting, drinking, drugs, and abortion. Calling on gods and dark powers to protect myself inside my salt drawn circle. With a reaction like that... Am I Worthy? Am I worthy to come to God's table? With my head bowed and tears rolling down my face, I again gave my life to God. Please God, take this life and turn my sins into good for You! Only you, God, have been by my side throughout it all. I never would have came to where I am alone, without you. So, please, take this broken body and make it whole, use me for what you need for your kingdom! So... Am I Worthy? Am I worthy to come to God's table? Therefore this is what the LORD says:
"If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me;
if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman. Jeremiah 15:19 I repent and want to be restored! I want to utter worthy words and be a spokesman for God! I want to take up my cross and follow Jesus, that is I want to live with a martyr's attitude...willing to suffer and/or die for the cause of Christ! For I already died. I died on the cross with Jesus. I died the day I asked for forgiveness and asked Jesus to take control of my life. 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that `life' which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, `the faith' which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me. Therefore, by the blood of Jesus Christ... YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES...YES I Am Worthy! I am worthy to come to God's table! |
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MT4God |
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March 20, 2008 at 9:16pm |
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| Thanks, Dana, I want people to see that no matter what they have done, we are all worthy to sit at God's table. I will add the link and I already sent it to Cheryl. |
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| Thanks MT. All I can say right now is that I'm in the 'Molested as a child' section of Dana's page. Though not by any family member. It was by a doctor after I had a near-fatal car accident. I didn't know about his lie for years as it was blocked in my subconscious until the Lord brought it forth with a vengence. It explained a whole lot of hidden fears I had. I thank the Lord every day for the loving and understanding husband He sent me. |
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MT4God |
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March 21, 2008 at 5:43am |
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| Thanks Gretchen. When the Lord brings it forth and we face those hidden fears, the chains fall off us. We are then truly free to live as the Lord meant for us to live. |
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Cheryl |
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March 21, 2008 at 6:55am |
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| Excellent!!! Thank you , I will add it to the link-4-link blog. Blessings and much love!~ |
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Dana |
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March 21, 2008 at 7:36am |
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Gretchen, Mine too was hidden in me for a while. I dissociated from it...meaning I created another person to deal with it. Some how I did know but I didn't. I'm sure you understand that statement. There was always a feeling of, "Something just isn't right!" I'd cringe when a man would put his hand near me. My stomach would tie in knots and I'd be sick to my stomach. And yet, I had no idea at the time other than a gut feeling that I would push aside because there was no memory attached to the feeling.
It was the Lord who started giving me dreams first about this little girl who was scared or hiding. I'd always be holding her hand or trying to protect her. The Lord did a healing that was so smooth and graceful. Not to say that it was not painful as well. But it was well worth it all!
Mine was a family friend.
Message me if you'd like to and we can talk.
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| great post thanks for sharing |
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MT4God |
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March 21, 2008 at 7:59am |
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Thanks for adding, Dana. I know the "cringing" feeling. And when my daughter was little and would tell me that she's afraid of grandpa, I listened and told her to listen to her fears. I do believe some fears are there to protect. Thanks for reading, woman of laughter. I like your id....lol. |
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| Yes, you are, sister! wow! Our pasts sound similar in many aspects. But what a great future we will have! Thanks for sharing this. |
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MT4God |
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March 21, 2008 at 9:36am |
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| Thanks, Lara. I think that's why I've connected with this circle. We can be a fountain of encouragement for each other as we show God's love for others. |
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Thanks Dana. Yes ... I understand. I always sit with my back to the wall. Always sit at the end of a long table so I am not trapped in the middle and can't get out or protect myself. I go on the defense if someone touches me from behind. Boys in college used poke me in the ribs and then jump back after my elbow hit one of them in the ribs. They would take odds on who was fast enough to get away. Until my house mother put a stop it in, as all freshman ate at our dorm then.
My trauma was suppressed until 40 years later. It took an out-of-the-body experience with Jesus in a very special spiritual place to bring it crashing back to the present. I'll message you. |
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Dana |
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March 21, 2008 at 10:01am |
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| OK, I can't wait to chat with you Gretchen. |
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Gene |
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March 21, 2008 at 10:20am |
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At every mass, just before we receive communion, we deal with the very fact that too many times people feel unworthy by recalling the words of the Roman centurion. He too felt unworthy, but he followed that up with, “Only say the word and my servant shall be healed.” At every mass, we are reminded of the need to take that next step, to remind ourselves that Christ heals, and to ask in faith for that healing: “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” His healing; His adoption of us as sons and daughters; Our admission to Him of our sins, in what we have done or what we have failed to do, in what we have said or failed to say that we have somehow damaged our relationship with Him and the relationships of others.
It is through our faith, reflected in these areas, that we become worthy. Gene |
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Dana |
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March 21, 2008 at 10:50am |
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I've said this so many times that every one is probably saying, "Yeah, yeah...we've heard this already Dana." Well, it is worth repeating.
The enemy has come to steal kill and destroy you. He fills little innocent hearts with lies that tear us apart through the years. We have to be willing to give it to the Lord. I'm not talking about saying that we want to give it...I'm talking about...if I don't give it to the Lord I will die!
Jesus did not come and shed his precious blood on the cross, be beaten and spit on and mocked so that we can sit in our misery. He came to set the captives free. The enemy has trained you to sit in darkness and tells you that you can not be free. I'm here to tell you that that is a lie from the very pit of hell. Do you even realize that the very chains the enemy has placed on your hands and feet are not even locked? He has trained you well huh? Let the healing blood of Jesus flood you with light replacing every inch of darkness. That is what his blood is for...healing.
I don't know who that was for, but need to share that for some reason. Blessings. As always, message me if you need to talk or pray.
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MT4God |
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March 21, 2008 at 12:28pm |
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40 years of cringing? I feel for you Gem. Hi Gene. I've read comments from you on other posts. Thank you for gracing me with your insight. For some of us, the next step is that first step...Come to God's table! Jesus is inviting us all. And Dana, the more you talk the more I see those chains falling off the girl in your picture. Thank you. As in the words of Peter Furler of the Newsboys from I Am Free (Live Version): "The hands of freedom stretching out to You … hold out your hands for freedom …
...freedom in your head ...freedom in your heart ...freedom in your marriage ...freedom in your mind ...freedom in your emotions ...freedom in every area of life the freedom comes through the blood ...it comes through the Word, comes through the body, comes through the spiritual family, it comes through the presence of God. The price has been paid, freedom's price has been paid, the price has been paid."
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Gene |
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March 21, 2008 at 1:05pm |
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I understand the issue of not feeling worthy from my own experiences, but sometimes we have to remind ourselves that God is the one who sees the worth. Accepting this as fact and deciding to focus first on growing our relationship with Christ brings us into the Love that we are all so starved to feel.
Interestingly, after our interests and our actions are focused first on growing that relationship, we suddenly notice that our destructive life styles and points of view become changed.
The song, "Just as I am" comes to mind.
Gene |
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My awareness came in 1992 after a spiritual weekend called 'Walk to Emmaus,' where I asked the Lord - Who Am I? Was a wife, a mother, Mrs. Girl Scout? Who? The Lord must have felt I was at last strong enough to handle what happened to me at age 14. What appalled me most was my parents knew about because the doctor was caught in the act of doing it. He was fired. That was he only punishment. However it was then that I realized why my father had become so protective of me. If he couldn't trust the hospital and doctors with his daughter, than we would keep her as close as he could - but to me - I couldn't understand why I had to request everything in triplicate to do anything, and why I could only go to the college of his choice not my choice.
I thank the Lord for giving me an understanding husband who never walked away in spite of being slugged during love making or cringing at his touch and rolling into a fetal position to protect myself. I thank the Lord daily for the love of a husband who knew there was a beautiful woman trapped inside there somewhere. Every day is a new day. Spiritual warfare is constant - but so is the Lord! |
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MT4God |
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March 21, 2008 at 1:22pm |
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"Oh Lamb of God, I come, I come!" You are right, Gene. The more we focus our interests and actions on growing that relationship with God, the more our lifestyles and points of views change. Halleluia for the change! |
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MT4God |
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March 21, 2008 at 1:24pm |
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| Gem, I have so much respect for "the teacher", for understanding you and bringing out the beautiful woman that you are. |
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Dana |
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March 21, 2008 at 3:39pm |
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| Relationship with the Father is the key. Gene is very correct. It's were we get to know the Father and where he tells us who we are in Him. He loves us so much. He wants a relationship with us more than we want one with him. |
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MT4God |
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March 22, 2008 at 5:33am |
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| Life is all about relationships! The most important one being with the Father. Thanks for the reminders Gene and Dana. |
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The Lord certainly makes it easy to come to his table, not difficult! I've got this going through my head...
Luke 14:22-23 ... 'Sir,' the servant said, 'what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.' Then the master told his servant, 'Go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so that my house will be full.' |
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MT4God |
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March 22, 2008 at 8:03am |
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Thanks Mike n Laura. The following is from a commentary at www.biblegateway.com. I often refer to these commentaries to help with understanding scripture. "The warning is that many in the nation of Israel who were in line for divine blessing and who had responded to an initial invitation to be engaged with God's promise have failed to step forward now that the wedding day has come. The parable obviously pictures Jesus' invitation to experience the blessing of God's kingdom by responding to him. /.../ Opportunity has been lost by some, grace has been extended to others, but the meal is still served. /.../ God's grace continues, but we can miss blessing if we do not respond to Jesus." I'm responding by coming to God's table! |
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Joygum |
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March 22, 2008 at 1:17pm |
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Thanks MT!!! As I read all these posts - I think back to the University of Life class..... obviously this is somehow you can use your passion to help others & encourage them & through that you all win!!!
YOU are worthy sister!! I am so glad that you HEARD God through all the other noise! Blessings on you! |
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MT4God |
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March 22, 2008 at 7:16pm |
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| Thanks, Joy. The internet social groups were in my mind during the University of Life class...Spiritual Gifts. I've already been using my faith and biblical knowledge on FaceBook. But hearing God through all the noise, reminded me of an email I received today. I'm going to post it. Thanks. |
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Wow! This is powerful. Very powerful.
Many, many hurting souls need this very message.
Thank you! |
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Gene |
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March 26, 2008 at 5:43pm |
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Worthy is the Lamb! I love that song!
That's the first thing that came to my mind when I read through quickly. Then as I re-read it, I thought about how unworthy I am and yet, as you said, it is His worth, placed in me that covers the sins and allows me to partake in His meal.
We have communion at each service - open to all who have been baptised. I find it a blessing each time and continue to be amazed by that.
Thanks so much for a great blog, MT. I understand your journey. Go to Cheryl's page and you can link to my story. There are similarities.
The other Gene
(whichever one of us gets there first goes by Gene and the second gets to be "the other Gene") |
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MT4God |
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March 26, 2008 at 7:56pm |
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Thank you, MichaelATL43. My goal was to reach others who have hurt like I did and to let them know that Yes, You are Worthy! God has a plan for you, and only you can carry out that plan. He prepared me to carry out mine, and I'm finally finding a way to do it. Thanks, Gene, for not only explaning "The Other Gene" thing, but also for relating and emphasizing that it's Jesus' worth that covers our sins. Jesus really is the way...The Only Way! |
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