Father God I don't understand, why?  Why does He have to die, when He didn't do anything wrong.  Why?  Father God, He taught us to pray to you, He said you are our Father and that He is your son.  Why?!  They are going to execute him today, please, please don't let it happen.  Please Father who is up in heaven, please don't let it happen.

This was my prayer, this was my prayer of pain, anguish, guilt and shame.   Pain because I will miss him, because I feel empty without him, anguish because I feel hopeless, I'm only one person and can't do anything to stop it.  Guilt because for three years I walked with Him, sat at His feet and learned from Him, watched him as he healed, prayed, taught, selflessly in His Father's name.   Shame, because when they came to arrest him, I ran and hid, afraid of being arrested myself, afraid of sharing the same fate as my Lord.  

Today they are going to publicly execute him.  For the last couple of days all the news globally has turned their focus off of Obama and Clinton and onto this man, who just months ago was hailed as a of savior to the people everywhere He went.    Now He is a traitor?  A terrorist?  What?  How can they get away with this?

He tried to prepare us for this day, I remember when he told us, in a little while, they're gonna come and arrest me, find me guilty for a crime I haven't committed and kill me. I remember thinking, that's impossible, our country would never do a thing like that.  Besides all the people who's lives were touched, changed, all the people who were healed of their sicknesses, all the people who loved him, wouldn't never allow that to happen. 

Yet, it happened, just the way He said it would, and where are all those people now?  No one, no not one, spoke up in his defense.  No one, including me.   I'm just as guilty as the rest of them.  I wonder where they other disciples  are?  I'm not the only one who professed to love him.   Where are they hiding, what are they feeling?   Will they be watching this execution, because the authorities said it will be televised.   I can't, I just can't watch it.  I can't. 

Forgive me Jesus, I know in my heart you're taking my place, you're gonna bear my sin, just so I can a place in God's kingdom.  I love you Jesus.

Where were you the day Jesus died on the cross for your sin?