Dealing with Difficult In-laws

Colossians 3:21

·         Getting married introduces many new aspects of life- learning to live with another person, having to confer with another before making large purchases, and possibly the most difficult aspect, suddenly having another family to deal with.  Many people are not fond of the new addition to their family, for whatever reason.  For example, some mothers feel their new daughter in-law stole their son from them, and will do their best to break up that marriage.  Whether your in-law problems are that dramatic or not, the keys to resolving them is setting healthy boundaries and good communication.

·         Naomi (see Ruth) was a good mother in-law.  She didn’t force or attempt to manipulate her daughters in-law.  She wanted what was best for them, even if it was a sacrifice for her.  She had a deep love and respect for them, and God rewarded her for that.

·         Mutual respect must exist between parents and their new son/daughter in-law.  Respect the opinions of the other person, understand that people do things differently and that is fine.  Respect that the new couple needs time together, without their families of origin being involved.  Respect that your in-laws have been around longer than you, and have known your new spouse longer, so they may have good information and advice for you.

·         When trouble arises with a parent in-law, let the child of that person deal with him or her.  Naturally, people listen more to their children than their children in-law, no matter how much they may love him or her.

·         Remember- you and your husband are a team.  You need to be on the same page when it comes to in-law issues, or else there will be discord in your marriage.  If he tells you that you’re overreacting, think about it: are you?  If a friend came to you with the same situation, would you think she was right or overreacting?  If you are overreacting, take it to God, and ask Him why you reacted in such a way.  If you are sure you weren’t overreacting, then explain to your husband why the incident(s) upset you so.  Many men just see things differently than we do, especially when it comes to their mothers.  They are often so accustomed to Mom’s dysfunctional behavior that they can’t understand why you react to it.

Extended Reading:

Genesis 2:24

Ruth 1:11-13

Mark 10:9

1 Peter 3:8-12

Discussion Questions:

1. How would you describe your relationship with your in-laws?  List at least three adjectives, and describe why you feel this way.
2. What can you do to improve your relationship with your in-laws?

Couple’s Assignment:

Schedule a time when you can discuss your in-law situation with your husband.  The time should be quiet and interruption free.  Remember to use sentences like, “I feel ___ when your mother does___” over sentences like, “Your mother makes me so mad when she  ______”   Same message, said in a much gentler manner- it will get much better results!