|
| Confessions of a Porn Addict, Pt. 3 |
|
| |
I continued on this path for more than a year before two events shook me back to reality and brought my party life to a screeching halt. The first took place one night when I invited a teenage girl from work to party with me, my roommate, and another guy from work – who happened to be my supervisor. This girl was young, very attractive, and had a reputation for “putting out”. My motives were less than pure, to say the least. After a few drinks it became apparent that the rumors we had heard were true – a game of strip poker soon had her wearing next to nothing and the three of us began pushing boundaries to see how far we could go. I don’t recall that any of us actually slept with her but our conduct could have landed any of us in jail for sexual assault. When we began taking Polaroids of ourselves groping and fondling this helpless young woman, she attempted to protest and asked us to stop. She was simply too drunk to put up much of a fight and none of us expected her to remember much the next day. We were wrong. Waking up naked on my living room couch must have jogged her memory. She began demanding to know where the pictures were while we all denied their existence. We tried to convince her that her memories were nothing more than a hallucination, that we were stand-up guys, and that nothing had happened in spite of her attempts to seduce us. We flipped the whole thing around to make it sound like she had come on to us like a “slut” and we had resisted because we had “more respect for her than that”. At the time, we were scrambling to protect ourselves from the powder keg we had placed ourselves in. My supervisor and I desperately tried to keep the drama away from work but it was not long before our bosses got wind of it. We were all called in – I don’t know if my supervisor ever came clean or not, but I broke like a tree in a hurricane. I spilled everything and then waited to see if I still had a job. In the meantime, my conscience had begun to eat away at me and I pulled the girl aside and offered my heartfelt apologies. I remember that her eyes looked vacant and, though she accepted my apology, I would frequently find her over the next few days sitting & crying in the milk cooler. I remained but my supervisor was fired later that day. The girl quit her job a short time later and I heard shortly after that she had attempted suicide. I don’t know what ultimately became of her…..I pray that I am not responsible for a beautiful young woman with loads of potential ending her life. This incident was the first time that I realized that the objects of my fantasies were living, breathing people with feelings, emotions, and lives of their own and that their were consequences to my inappropriate actions. The second event took place a few months later. My roommate and I decided to have a New Year’s Eve party. As usual, I was smashingly drunk early in the evening. I continued to drink wine coolers and peach Schnaap’s until I passed out. I woke up the next morning curled up in my bedroom closet, facedown in a puddle of my own vomit. When I staggered into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I knew something had to change. I later learned my teenage sister had shown up at the party to wish me a happy new year and had left crying and fearful of my extremely intoxicated state. I had no memory of any of it.
I was forced to sober up and take a good look at my life and where it was heading. Due to poor choices in roomates, I was hundreds of dollars in debt to my landlord for back rent and damages to the apartment. I had racked up several hundred dollars more in telephone charges to 976 sex line numbers. My parents graciously agreed to let me move back in with them. They never knew it (or maybe they did) but they saved my life. Although this period lasted less than two years, I went after the party life full-throttle in an attempt to mask the pain I was feeling inside – a pain I couldn’t even put my finger on at the time. As I think back on all of the times I drove drunk and/or stoned, as I think back to the time I was pulled over for running a stop sign after slamming an entire bottle of wine and got nothing more than a ticket, I know it was purely God’s grace and protection that kept me out of jail, the hospital, or the morgue. At the urging of my Mom, I enrolled in broadcasting school, graduated, and landed my first radio job in a tiny timber town 100 miles from everything I knew. I look back at this time as God’s providence in my life. It was difficult to be away from my friends, family, and old life but I believe it was necessary to save me from myself. I believe it was necessary for God to pull me completely out of my life the way I had been living it and provide me with a fresh perspective. However, it was not long before I was messing up my new chance. |
|
| To add a comment to "Confessions of a Porn Addict, Pt. 3" |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| March 25, 2008 |
 |
|
|
Whoa... powerful Rick... you don't know it yet but you have released someone tonight from their addictions.
bless you and may God always keep you porn free. |
|
|
| March 25, 2008 |
|
|
|
| Great one Bro.!!!! |
|
|
| March 25, 2008 |
|
|
|
Thanks Rick;
Shortly after my Ex-Wife and I split up I hooked up with a lady I met in AA. It didn't work out and when we split up she tried to comit suicide a couple of times. Had she succeeded I don't know what I'd have done. We like to play like we arent such bad guys, so we can live with ourselves, but the way the world deals with sensuality is definately without casualties.
Blessings,
David |
|
|
| March 25, 2008 |
|
|
|
I work on computers, cleaning virus' and such, I have to deal with these porn pics all the time, when I an cleaning out the temp inet files. On family computers I look for signs of porn to be able to advise parents so they can confront their kids,
In the past I have had problems at times because these pics stay in your mind. Some times I would get home and get on the net, and find myself googling pics.
Keep me in your prayers, to keep my shield up and stop the fiery darts |
|
|
Follow this blog
