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| I am seeking Wisdom...for moving forward in relationship with a prodigal child |
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Well, I am not sure exactly where to start. I know I really don't want to drudge up what is in the past. I really want to get some wisdom from those of you that have either gone through victoriously or are now going through victoriously.
My wife and I have a 19 yr old daughter that has basically decided that how she was brought up is not for her. I basically told her one year ago in May (about a month after her 18th birthday and 1 week prior to her graduating) after she snuck out of the house again. That she has 4 other brothers and sisters that look up to her and the current attitude and actions can and will not continue in our home.
I told her at that moment (approx 2:30 am) that she needed to pack her bags and go if she was going to keep doing this. I did go back to her that same morning, and tell her that we really need to talk about what is going on, go over some different expectations now that she was 18 and graduating. I encouraged her to give her input, but I did say that if she could not or did not want to sit down and go over somethings and new guidelines for her that she did need to go ahead and go as I not only have to think about her but her brothers and sisters too.
Well, that is all she heard.....GO. When it all took place, I knew in my heart of hearts that was all she was waiting for, becuase she did not have the wherewithall or gumption to stand up on her own and tell us she what she was and had been feeling, doing and thinking about for the past year.
Anyway, that all brings me to this. After floating around for a few months, getting with this guy or that guy, she has now moved in with her "boyfriend". Of course they enjoy the party/bar scene. None of this is surprising me as I saw it all coming.
The wisdom that I need is how to move forward in re-building a relationship with my daughter (btw, I am not the biological father but since she was 21/2 I have been daddy at least up until about 2 yrs ago this coming May when her biological father passed away).
So, if anyone can give me some wisdom in this area I would greatly appreciate it as my heart hearts to see her this way but it hurts even more to know that we really don't have too much to say to one another at this time. I Love her as she is my own blood and have always been there for her. I am not accustomed to this type of a relationship. |
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| I will be praying for you and your family!!! |
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Thank you, Missy.....I know GOD is in the restoration business. My prayer is that my daughter come back to Him, to rediscover her first love, her joy, her peace, her strength, he shield of CHRIST.
Once that begins to place, our restoration will take place. I simply want to make sure that I do all that I need to do during this process. |
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A friend once told me letting your kids write their own testimonies is the hardest thing. So in saying that I would first want to encourage you to not look at what you see but to look to the One that is able, and the only one that is able to do what needs to be done. I have a friend whose daughter was into prostitution and there was a granddaughter also and this of course deepened the saddness and despair about the situation. The daughter took the granddaughter and left the state and for one whole year there was no contact. My friend and I prayed and prayed....then one day she called me and told me to sit down...I thoroughly thought bad news...but what she said was, "guess who showed up at my door with tulips and born again!!! Yup her daughter!!!! So I tell you this to hopefully encourage you to not become discouraged....you and your wife pray every day...look for the holy spirit to guide you in how to pray and don't look at what you see....keep your eyes on Him and His word and promises to you!!! I can't say when but she will come around ...there are promises!!! Bless you!!! He is faithful!!! |
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In the Hands of the Potter,
Thank you for sharing! Any testimonials are welcome! It builds my faith! I am staying focused on what GOD sees, I just sincerely want to make sure that I do all that I can to help in the situation. Not that it depends upon me but I definately don't want to be an obstacle either.
Thank you Missy for your prayers! |
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bro... I totally agree with Hands of the Potter... (thanks for asking to be my friend btw) ... may I offer as well: My children were brought up in a home where there Mom (me) was a believer and their Dad did not want to walk with the Lord.... and left for that reason. His Mom openly mocked my faith with a devisive spirit. (My children have since told me they have seen this since becoming adults)
When my husband left we agreed, I could raise our children when they were small... and he could raise them when they were teens. I raised them in the way I believed HE was leading me... to include being an Assistant Youth Pastor when they were in the Youth Group. By the time it came for them to move in with their Dad... they were at the age where they were testing everything I taught them... being raised with conflicting messages, made this necessary. (Father told me they could not ride on my coat tails... and they had to have a testimony of their own... and for me to surrender them to HIM for His keeping.... Jesus being the initiator and perfecter of our faith. HE said to do so was the greatest act of worship I could ever offer Him. So I did...) They did not want to be held down by rules... and took advantage of our love through open rebellion by the time they became teens. One ran away. Father assured me this all was a necessary part of their spiritual development... and gave me the promise they would each turn to Him... reminding me as a part of my family they are included in HIS Covenant of grace.... and they have been sanctified by HIM for a good work. HE gave me an abiding peace... even when circumstances were not condusive to such. Slowly they are each turning more and more in the direction of the Lord again... beginning with repenting for their rebellion and ungodly attitudes and owning the choices they are making... (taking responsibility for their choices rather than blaming us or the dysfunction of their past). We are all very close... and love abounds between us. My eldest, who rejected my values when he first moved in with his dad, told me a few years back... that he is looking for a wife like me... and wanted me to know that. My daughter just gave me permission to tell her daughter (our first grandchild, to be born in August), that I can tell her what I believe... there was a time when she had said she did not ever want me to do this when they had children. My youngest still challenges what I believe... sometimes. (they are in their late 20's and early 30's). I continue to stand with faith... because I choose to believe God's promises to me.
If HE has not already done so... may He give you promises which come with faith and peace that cannot be shaken...
In recent years I have been led to stand with faith for all who are going through such... and not just for myself and my own family.... perhaps you and other's will be led to join me... remembering we are all ONE through Christ. bren |
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BTW... Billy Graham's son was a prodical... and he returned and is serving the Lord! If you have never heard of them, do some research... the fruit of their walk/testimony will bless you. |
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| At this point I don't believe there is anything you can do. The next step is up to her. You did the only thing you could, after all you have four other children to think of and you can't let the one disrupt everything you are trying to do. I have not been in this situation my self, but have several friends that went through similar situations. Since you brought up your children to believe in Jesus, she will come around, it probably will take some time to happen, but it will happen. Just keep praying and believing in what is right. God bless you, and I will pray for God's help and intervention to bring her around. |
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| Plumbline yeah it is hard to let your kids make their own testimonies. If you haven't yet I encourage you to read my testimony as I was just like your daughter. God has his plan, the both of you have planted the seeds. She will return. As far as tough love or loving them through it, Pray and he will give you the right words to say. I think it was almost two years before I really talked to my dad and during one of those we had to bury my mom. It was heartbreaking. Here are a couple of books for you too that I highly recommend: Girls gone wild, Dads gone crazy also When Christian Kids rebel. |
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Bren: Thank you, I have and will definately continue to lift up others that go through the same things. Thank you for the tesimony/signs in regards to your family. Like I said to In the Hands of the Potter, your testimonies definately help my faith.
Shirley: Thanks, ultimately I know that this whole thing is in God's hands and the ball so to speak is in her court. I tend to question myself especially when I am accused of being cold, insensative or distant. I am not trying to be and I definately do not want to be. It is really hard to play along with how things are going when there has not been any resolution (not that I have not tried) and I know in my spirit that some of the things she shares with her mom (my wife) are not the truth. So, I guess I tend to be more reserved when she is around in order to keep peace during the visit for the benefit of the relationships with her siblings and mom. Does that make any sense?
Becky: Thank you I will check out your testimony. It is really hard to let your kids make their own testimony, I suscribe to the thought of learning from everyone around me. She suscribes to let me do it, I know it's not gonna be any different with me than it was with you or anyone else but I'm gonna do it anyway. I just can't understand that. I guess that is my growing time. |
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I've been married 37 yrs and raised 3 children. They are all grown now. My husband and I have gone through it all. If I had to give advise to you. I would say to stand your ground and do not allow children to cause you to go against your rules and God's teaching. Sure , it hurts when you they leave and say things to you that hurt. I've had them move in with their boyfriends. I 've had to deal with drugs as well. I've had to put children out too. I've heard the harsh words and a lot of times it hurts. You just continue to pray and send angels to protect them each and every day from hurt, harm or danger. Put them in God's hands and rest in Him. Don't allow yourself to worry because that is a lack of faith. One day that child will come back to you and thank you for standing your ground. My children did and now they are ministers in the gospel. They all have come back to me and apologize to my husband and myself for their actions. Remember, don't give up on them. Just pray and rest in the Lord. God will bring it all to pass. Live holy and God will give you the desires of your heart. Be Blessed
Blessedmary |
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| BlessedMary: Thank you! I know she is called, I've known it for some time. She knows it too, she is not willing to accept that at this time and I know that is why she is rebelling/running. It is awesome that all your children are ministers of the gospel. Again, faith building testimonies! We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the Word of our testimony! |
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Think of how rebellious we have all been.....He found us!!!! Another reason never to forget where you have been....have faith brother and if it helps start speaking the things you know to be true out into the atmosphere!! My daughter isn't exactly where I think she needs to be either.....sometimes besides the things I know to be true, I like to just holler out (needless to say I live alone) as loud as I can "This way, follow Him, this is the way come on!'' |
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my brother if God brings you to it,He will bring you through it, HAPPY MOMENTS ,PRAISE GOD, DIFFICULT MOMENTS,SEEK GOD QUIET MOMENTS,WORSHIP GOD. PAINFUL MOMENTS,TRUST GOD, EVERY MOMENT ,THANK GOD. YOU ARE NOT ALONE,BUT DO NOT GIVE UP ,PRAY WITHOUT CEASING,THERE IS NOTHING THAT THE ALMIGHTY CANNOT DO,I MYSELF HAVE TEENAGERS,AND I WOULD WISH THEY WOULD WALK IN THE WAY OF THE LORD,YES THEY GO TO CHURCH EVERY WEEK,BUT STILL THE INFLUENCE OUT THERE IS VERY STRONG,BUT WE JUST HAVE TO KEEP PRAYING. PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GOD BLESS |
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In the Hands of the Potter: Amen! "Call those things that be not as though they are..."
4:1 What then shall we say that Abraham, our forefather, hath found according to the flesh? 4:2 For if Abraham was justified by works, he hath whereof to glory; but not toward God. 4:3 For what saith the scripture? And Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned unto him for righteousness. 4:4 Now to him that worketh, the reward is not reckoned as of grace, but as of debt. 4:5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is reckoned for righteousness. 4:6 Even as David also pronounceth blessing upon the man, unto whom God reckoneth righteousness apart from works, 4:7 `saying', Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, And whose sins are covered. 4:8 Blessed is the man to whom, the Lord will not reckon sin. 4:9 Is this blessing then pronounced upon the circumcision, or upon the uncircumcision also? for we say, To Abraham his faith was reckoned for righteousness. 4:10 How then was it reckoned? when he was in circumcision, or in uncircumcision? Not in circumcision, but in uncircumcision: 4:11 and he received the sign of circumcision, a seal of the righteousness of the faith which he had while he was in uncircumcision; that he might be the father of all them that believe, though they be in uncircumcision, that righteousness might be reckoned unto them; 4:12 and the father of circumcision to them who not only are of the circumcision, but who also walk in the steps of that faith of our father Abraham which he had in uncircumcision. 4:13 For not through the law was the promise to Abraham or to his seed that he should be heir of the world, but through the righteousness of faith. 4:14 For if they that are of the law are heirs, faith is made void, and the promise is made of none effect: 4:15 for the law worketh wrath; but where there is no law, neither is there transgression. 4:16 For this cause `it is' of faith, that `it may be' according to grace; to the end that the promise may be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all 4:17 (as it is written, A father of many nations have I made thee) before him whom he believed, `even' God, who giveth life to the dead, and calleth the things that are not, as though they were. 4:18 Who in hope believed against hope, to the end that he might become a father of many nations, according to that which had been spoken, So shall thy seed be. 4:19 And without being weakened in faith he considered his own body now as good as dead (he being about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah's womb; 4:20 yet, looking unto the promise of God, he wavered not through unbelief, but waxed strong through faith, giving glory to God, 4:21 and being fully assured that what he had promised, he was able also to perform. 4:22 Wherefore also it was reckoned unto him for righteousness. 4:23 Now it was not written for his sake alone, that it was reckoned unto him; 4:24 but for our sake also, unto whom it shall be reckoned, who believe on him that raised Jesus our Lord from the dead, 4:25 who was delivered up for our trespasses, and was raised for our justification.
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Cheryl |
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April 03, 2008 at 8:57am |
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Just stopped by to let you know that I am praying. I also want to cover my comment in prayer, so I will write ya back later.
Love you two! |
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Blessings: Thank you......I definately will continue to move forward doing good, because that is where so many of us miss it. We get tired and quit doing good (doing what we know is right in the sight of the LORD) and that is usually right before the break through takes place. I do not quit or give up! Just ask my wife. ;-)
Cheryl: Thank you for the prayers! I look forward to hearing what the LORD has to say. |
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Am being led to share after praying: Such fiery trials are a gift to develop HIS fruit, faith wisdom, understanding and.... within all as we all are matured and the old blind nature is dealt with and brought into greater light and maturity. In some cases a need to learn the lesson of forgiveness... sometimes we need to forgive ourselves or learn to receive forgiveness, or they need to learn to forgive and to be released from anger, expectations and judgmentalism, (towards all concerned to include God) is necessary. HE is doing a deep work we did not know we needed... be assured. Such experiences ultimately increases and purifies love and wisdom and.........
YES... stand in the truth you know to be from HIM... with love while seeking HIS wisdom and understanding, remembering from whence you/we came. He who is forgiven much loves much... and lifes lessons of love are necessary for love to become pure and mature. At one point when I had to walk in tough love... Father told me to release to HIM my concepts of love and what it is to be loving a good Christian/parent/other roles... so I HE could love through me with a pure love. Discovered my unredeemed love was a selfish love... a fearful love and a man pleasing love... when I did so. Have since heard... 'allow ME to be love through you through our union'. When we die to something the spirit of the resurrected Christ is raised in us as new creations in Christ in those areas.
While praying I sensed I am to also tell you ... and others like you/us... to stay in your present... resting in HIS completed work for us... while seeking HIM for what you/we are to say and do, how we are to be when the moment presents itself, from moment to moment... otherwise a vain imagination or condemnation or....... can take control.
Also... some of the spiritual lessons we may need to learn (for this is for our benefit as well as theirs, these fires are a trying of each one's faith and more taking place for His Kingdom sake) is we did not fail... we did the best we could in the light we were walking in ... as we learned to parent from the one who was parenting us as we learned. We came into the Kingdom with our own set of dysfunctions... and distorted thinking, which caused us in our children's eyes to be seen as hyprocrites as such was exposed and released... they expect us to be perfect and judge us from a place of immaturity... and when they are matured, they return with wisdom and more... am sure deep in their heart they believe... but must be who they are so they too can see their selves as sinners saved by grace... and so they can return to their first love with that which was worked into them while they were matured/delivered/healed/transformed while discovering HIS truth as their own.
May we never forget we have years of transformative experience they as yet have not had and with such experiences comes wisdom based on HIS truth having become our reality. May we ever pray with HIS faith and words made alive through our intimate relationship with HIM... one that has no, nor imparts condemnation... remember HIS Covenant with you include them... 2:13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of [his] good pleasure.
2:6 Therefore, behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that she shall not find her paths. 2:7 And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find [them]: then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then [was it] better with me than now.
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Therefore, my brethren. Be strong on the Lord and the power of His might. Put ye on the whole armour of God so you can fight against the wiles of the enemy. Remember who you are fighting against the power of darkness not flesh and blood.Take back what the enemy has stole from you. YOU HAVE THE POWER.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That child belongs to God and God will not withhold anything from you when you walk upright with Him.
Be Blessed |
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As one who is in the ministry I know you know the above... but I know from my own experiences when we are in the fires of God... sometimes we loose sight of His truth through negative, fear based, condemning thoughts... and compassionate reminders from others can be very encouraging and refreshing or affirming. Plus... when a reader/observer (who in some cases does not see themselves in a ministry)... sees others (who in some cases are in ministry) lives are not perfect... and they read words of encouragement and testimonies of what others went through... are going through, they are enlightened and encouraged/affirmed in the doing. Thanks for opening your life to us and being so honest, there is much power made evident when one walks with a cloak of humility, as you are doing! Thank you for asking us for our testimonies... may HE be glorified through your having done so....
I noticed a mistake in what I said above and would like to correct it here, if I may."Such fiery trials are a gift to develop HIS fruit, faith wisdom, understanding and.... within all as we all are matured and the old blind nature is dealt with and we as a new man in Christ are brought into greater light and maturity," having been made aware we are not the one in control nor can we control another or the outcome of another's life... because HE is indeed in control and we can rest in HIS finished work... and wisdom of the moment.
Bless You Father we can rest in who YOU are and not who we are... who we have been or who those we love are being... as we each come to know YOU according to the wisdom of Your unfolding plan... Jesus being the initiator and perfecter of each of our faith. Thank You for the call upon our lives... and for the perfect training You bring about so we can minister love and wisdom and understanding, with the redemptive power of the place of victory You give us, even while we are being prepared for that which is yet to be. Thank You for opening our eyes of understanding... so we can rest in YOU... and not lean to our own understanding and limited thinking. Thank You for giving us the ability to see through YOUR eyes of eternity... and not just through our eyes of now.
Bro... you say you and your daughter know she has a call... Father, thank You that which is taking place as she goes through that which You knew would be... will work out for the good. Bless You it is being used to empower/train/prepare her for when she walks in Your Spirit and truth in it's fullness according to Your timing and Your calling upon her unique life. May her family and friends be at peace... and learn that which they are created to learn... as they trust YOU with her life.... we receive Your answers through the faith of Christ... and the power of Your gospel. Amen
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| Bren thank you again. I always work to remain transparent. Even though I am often told that it is not good to be that way. I believe that we must be transparent and real. The world is full of fakes and people wearing mask (especially CHRISTians) and it repells the world because they see right through it. The only one being fooled by being fake is the one that is doing it. |
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| So true... may we never be so blind as to not see this within ourselves... |
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I would also like to thank the others of you that have opened up and shared your testimonies! You too are a part of what HolySpiritWithin (Bren) said above. Thanks for being transparent!
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I guess I have to agree that she is 18 and there is really nothing you can do except let her know that she is not living a good lifestyle. you can't teel what is in her heart and the guys. They may actually be in love. One of my daughters went off like that and I used tough love when she told me she was pregnant and her boyfriend did not want to gwt married. that was it with me. I could not let my grandchild go without married mother and father so I did not speak to her for three years. I did not even see her. I then decided I would travel and let her know through my son that I wanted to talk to the guy. Real bad. By the time I got there. They were married. But it hurts not to talk to someone you love. It's the hardest kind of love there is. |
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How utterly heartbreaking! I am almost moved to tears as I consider how I would feel if my oldest daughter went a similar way. Advice? I have none, you are further along in parenting than I am, I should be asking you for advice, David. BUT I will say, the foundations are laid when children are 1-5 yrs old (or so). Once the foundations are laid, it becomes increasingly difficult to change the direction they are headed. So Laura and I have been as diligent, careful, and loving FROM THE START as possible. We've laid the foundations, in the hopes that the mistakes we make later on will be easier to recover from.
As an encouragement, both Laura and I "ran away" from our parents (and God), so to speak, and today we couldn't be closer to them OR the Lord. (Well, not entirely true, each day we get closer to the Lord, but at least we're on the right track now!) If you've planted the seeds, your daughter may yet return. I'm sure you'll welcome her with open loving arms! A prayer for your family today. |
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| Thank you brother! I know that she has a foundation. I know she will come back, it just hurts to see you child walk away and go through a mess. However, God will take that mess and make it a message! I have the promises of God for my family for 1000 generations, as for me and my house we will serve the Lord! |
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