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| I Was Only Trying to Help |
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Have you ever heard these words..."I was only trying to help"? Or perhaps you have said them at one time or another. When you start out with good intentions, sometimes it doesn't end up so good.
I have tried to help some friends through some marital crises. The one couple I think is going to be ok. They are making a go of it anyway, and with God's help they will get through. Not sure if I was any help in getting them there, but I offered support and prayers, and if anything that I did or said was a help, it was only God working through me.
The other couple that I have been praying for and also tried to help, is not doing so good. I found out that the talk that I had with the wife, was taken the wrong way and she ended up thinking I was encouraging her to get a divorce, while I was trying to encourage her to take her time making that decision, and perhaps try to go to counseling, to not give up on her marriage completely, and certainly, I never once said "you should get a divorce". I understood what she had been through and that she was justified in getting one, but that doesn't make it right, and that didn't mean I supported the idea. How she interpreted my visit and what I said to mean that I supported her on getting a divorce is beyond me. That was not my intent at all. And so now her husband is upset with me, and I am upset with her, and the cycle just goes round and round.
I felt led by God to talk to this girl, since I had been through similar experiences. I didn't really want to do it, but I felt He was telling me to, and I do try to listen when He tells me to do something. But maybe I was just hearing my own voice and not really God's.
She on the other hand, believes that God is telling her to get a divorce, and she will not see it any other way, even with many people in her life telling her she should not get a divorce. Her husband has done some things that are bad, but not unforgivable. I think with counseling and forgiveness and healing, that they could make it. But it is like she is on a mission to end things. Makes me wonder if there are other things going on that I don't know about.
Anyway, I feel like a fool for even attempting to think I could help. Just because I have been through some difficulties in my marriage does not make me an expert on how to keep a marriage together. How could I think that I could help these people? How could I think that I even have the qualifications to help? Why do I think that I have a right to butt my nose in where it doesn't belong? Did I hear God telling me to speak to this wife, or was it my own selfish voice speaking, thinking I could rush in and save the day?
I am extremely upset right now, because I have been accused of encouraging a divorce when I would never do that, except in a case of physical abuse, which is not the case here. I feel helpless to "fix" things, and I don't like that feeling. I know that God is in control of all of this, but I am still upset. I only tried to help when I thought that God wanted me to, and I feel like I have only made things worse. I need to start realizing that I cannot fix other people's problems.
Perhaps I should even stop writing blogs. Are they really helpful to anyone? Perhaps I don't know as much as I think I do, and I should just keep my mouth shut.
I was only trying to help. |
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| Great one Sister! God Bless,Bro. |
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"Perhaps I should even stop writing blogs"
You no say that!
Deb, you are such an inspiration. Not only to us but I am sure to everyone you meet. And yes, you're blogs are extremely helpful!
I honestly do not have any great words of wisdom for you in this particular case. The enemy will twist our words into whatever shape he feels is appropriate for his purpose. I have all ideas that he waxed the eardrums of this woman so that the only thing she heard was what he wanted her to hear.
You did the right thing. You undoubtedly planted the true Word of God into this situation. Those Words from you are like seeds and they will produce after their own kind.
We love you Deb. Please keep us posted on what develops. |
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Deb - I understand the concern and bad feelings you're having over this. We've all been there in one way or another. I've said to myself - God wants me to help these people - I need to talk to them about this - God wouldn't have me upset anyone But, think of it this way - there IS a fine line between "God was speaking through me" to "I took over and interjected my opinion or interpretation". I worry about that line; I pray often that I shut my trap before it becomes me and not the Lord. But I don't think you 'went too far' here. Remember this - if God was using you to get a point across to someone, a few things can happen: 1. They can listen and do as God wills. 2. They can do the opposite and justify their actions and say that's what God told THEM to do. 3. They can get upset because it's the truth 4. They can get upset because they haven't been truthful (maybe only telling you part of the story, and when your advice is contrary, it shines light on their dishonesty). 5. They can ignore you or reject you. Hang in there, and just 'let it be' between you and the people - but keep praying for all involved and for continued discernment of what God and others tell you. Keep blogging too ;) |
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Deb, I truly feel for you but let me say first don't stop writing blogs. There are times, no matter how carefully we try to express something, that it is turned around. I don't know if it is that the person we are talking to only will hear what they won't to hear or if it is just a misunderstanding of the conversation. So then the alternative would seem to be be quiet, say nothing and although at times that is the best thing to do, that is not always the case. I have shared in confidence to have it repeated, I have told my testimony to have someone say that they didn't agree with what I said (I'm still working on that one). You may want to go to this lady and talk with her. Maybe she did just misunderstand your concern for what she has been through with an agreement in obtaining a divorce. Love you and I will pray regarding this situation. |
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Deb, it is obvious to me that your blogs and interactions here on MyChurch are a major source of encouragement and help to people. I would certainly throw my name in too as someone who has benefitted from what you've shared on this site! Do I really need to beg you to stay? "Just because I have been through some difficulties in my marriage does not make me an expert on how to keep a marriage together." >>> This plus Christ in you qualifies you to minister, by the Holy Spirit's power. The only question is, are you being led by the Spirit in what you share? "Why do I think that I have a right to butt my nose in where it doesn't belong?" >>> See above, and add this: is there any place Jesus doesn't belong? Therefore, is there anyplace his ministers don't belong? With the proper invitation, initiation, etc. that is. Please be encouraged, sister. You have an amazing heart for God and his people! You'll turn this around, and I even think the misunderstanding about whether or not you were encouraging them to divorce will come clean eventually. In God's timing? Love ya Deb! ~mike (n lau..) |
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No, no ,no. Don't stop writing blogs !
Even Jesus was misunderstood from time to time !
God Bless You Deb ! |
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Gene |
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April 04, 2008 at 8:35pm |
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"Don't confuse me with what you're about to say. I'm only listening to what will justify my preconceived ideas."
So many people use that as their mantra. Deb, you'll never get past that. Jesus even spoke about it when he told the disciples not to cast pearls before swine.
Be who you are, pray for the rest. Keep writing. Keep blogging. Keep talking. Keep loving and showing that you care.
Peace! |
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| By no means stop blogging! You have encouraged many and will continue to do so if you don't allow the enemy to discourage you by this misunderstanding. God works ALL things together for good, and He will work this out, too. Take back your joy and praise Him in this storm ! God bless you, Deb. |
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Debbie |
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April 05, 2008 at 3:29pm |
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| I don't know you and I don't know your friend, but I do know that God knows the intent of your heart and that's all that matters. Your friend may just be looking for any thing she can find to justify a decision she has already made. Ultimately if your intentions were pure then I believe she alone will answer for any decision she makes, good or bad. I feel for you because I am a lot like you in that when I am misunderstood or when my best intentions fall short of the goal, I tend to want to withdraw. But I think if you do, then Satan would get the victory and he may just win two battles here. Don't let him convince you that God can't use you when the truth is that he doesn't want God to use you anymore. |
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Cheryl |
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April 05, 2008 at 7:05pm |
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Deb, my love, my sister. I just read this....my heart is breaking, the enemy is a lier. Do you know how many messages you have left on my blogs and others that have melted my heart....keep pressing/blogging!
I love you!~ |
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Deb |
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April 06, 2008 at 9:30am |
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To all who have left a comment so far...I so appreciate your friendships and encouragement. You don't know how much it all means to me. Yes, the enemy is trying to take me down. One of the ways of doing it is by telling me that I am not important, that I can't do anything right, that I am of no help to anyone. You all have pretty much silenced that thought, and it means the world to me, all that you have said. The Lord has been hearing from my heart these past few days, and I am struggling, but He will help me through it. I am going to take just a little break from writing blogs though. I will continue to read and comment on others, but I want a few days of not having to think about what I am going to write. I will be back though, as writing is one of my passions. But so is serving the Lord, and I am going to spend a few days in prayer trying to figure out where He is leading me next. I do have a busy week ahead next week, so it is just as well that I take a break right now. I will keep you posted on any developments with this couple that I have written about, if there is anything to report.
Again, thank you all for knowing just what to say to encourage me. You are all shining lights of God's love. |
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| Hang in there Deb, you did what you felt you should. Sometimes we try to help and someone else twist what we say, or misunderstand our intentions. God knows your heart and intentions. |
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Deb, by all means keep writing the blogs! You, as a person, and your blogs really been an encouragement for me! I also know the feeling about it, though.
Sometimes, in the case of the friend you would like to help, sometimes just allowing the person that is in pain to talk and vent can help--even if you feel advice is not called for at the moment. You have much compassion and wisdom! |
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Deb-
I agree with all the rest of them Dont stop writing, because that is giving the enemy the credit. We who have been through the Storms and have come out with God, are to help others. We cannot be held responsible how they take what we say. Which is one reason we need to be very careful in the words and say it just how the Lord gives it to us. Our testimony is not for others to chose the same path as we did, hence OUR TESTIMONY, we can only offer Love and guidance, non-judgemental Guidance, so that they can live their own TESTIMONY!!!
One thing I have learned in what I have been through and sharing and ministering to others is, we must remember that some times people are looking for VALIDATION to their feelings and the direction they already have decided. So they can and will at times take what we say and use it to VALIDATE them. They even tend to get "pissed off" at us when we dont say what they want us to.
Just stay strong in the Lord Deb, but dont stop doing the work of the Lord and for God sake dont stop blogging!!!!!! |
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Deb |
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April 08, 2008 at 7:36am |
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Shirley, Yahschild, and beautyforashes, thank you for your kind words. I would agree beautforashes that this girl took the words I said and used them to validate what she had already decided. She has many people telling her not to file for divorce, and yet she is plowing full steam ahead and not listening to anyone. Her heart is set on things other than what Jesus wants for her, even though she is saying that God is telling her to get a divorce. I think that is something she just wants to believe because SHE wants the divorce, not God. Keep them in prayer.
I will not stop writing. As a matter of fact I have started working on a few blogs already, but I am taking just a small break for now. |
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"Perhaps I should even stop writing blogs"
I THINK NOT!!!!! I enjoy your posts and they inspire me.
Do not let one couple control how you feel.
You helped one couple, and ya know some just HEAR what they want to hear!
Please do not beat yourself up over one person, So they are angry at you, dont let it own you.
We ar ehere to do God's calling, and know in your heart He spoke to you.
We cant help all, but there are a few that just do need our help and get the message.
Keep shining in the Light of God, honey!!!
Praying
God Bless
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Cathy |
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April 09, 2008 at 7:18am |
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Deb, please do not stop blogging. You have just posted a blog that I'm sure many people can relate to. You have been able to put it into words. I know from reading your blogs that "I'm not the only one" going through similar situations.
BTW - I can't think of anyone better to minister to couples in trouble. People who have gone through things are the best people to talk to others. It's kinda like a single person counseling married couples - that would just be silly. A single person would have no clue. You however, do have a clue as to what goes on in troubled relationships. Keep up the good work! |
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Deb |
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April 09, 2008 at 1:10pm |
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Steve, you are right of course, I have learned a lot by writing blogs, and by studying my bible more because of the blogs I write...I have enriched my relationship with God in the process.
Donna, thank you so much for your kind comments. I am glad that my blogs inspire you :)
Cathy, thank you as well. Your encouragement as well as everyone else that has left a comment here, means the world to me.
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Joey |
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May 13, 2008 at 10:38pm |
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| Don't even think of it. You are a jewel! |
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Deb |
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May 14, 2008 at 9:53am |
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| Joey, thank you :) |
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