Well then I met this person, Preston =] ...and from the moment I saw him, I honestly felt something grab my heart...and just say "hello Jen...i'm this feeling that you've never felt before...pursue me, figure out why you feel this way...and what is going on!" I was just standing there, I really couldn't say much, I just kind of laughed and smiled from ear to ear because I didn't know what else to do. After I met him, I saw him seldomly and he started to like one of my good friends (a wonderful girl ... but slightly confused at that point...no longer though...=] ) and I was heart broken, nonetheless, but I knew it was my fault, I'd said nothing. But I still had something holding on to my heart, something holding it together, though I was shattered by this...God wouldn't let me forget that initial feeling. Well one weekend, he and I stayed at the college because I couldn't go home and we both wanted to just hang out. So we did...and one thing after another made my heart beat faster and I could not shake the feeling and the words "why do i feel like this"...but I knew he liked my friend. So I just acted like myself (which normally I would have been afraid to do, but he liked someone else, I didn't care to be the shy girl I normally was around guys) well we had such a wonderful time together. Basketball games, Sara blowing up a microwave at work, prank phone calls, arrest warrents (prank played on me), meeting the family and going to church. Not typical...but what can I say.

After that weekend I was just...at a loss. I broke down one night...I couldn't sleep...I was just not upset with God...but just honestly wondering what was going on. So I kind of yelled at Him, I know I know...way to go Jen...but -shrug- I didn't know what else to do. So I asked Him "what do I do" "why do you keep saying to pursue this when he likes my friend" "why would someone ask us if it was our first date...not dating" "why would you bring someone who is exactly what i've been looking for and then take him away" "how will i ever forget him" "how could i ever thank you just for letting me know him" "he took me to church...to church...that's a risk when you barely know someone...why would you tell him to do that" "God...what do i do!?" questions like that...completely heart broken because I wanted to pursue something between us...I really did. Preston smiled when he met me, he laughed when he met me, he had a sense of humor, he took me to church, his family hugged me and welcomed me in from the start, he had blue eyes that drew you in no matter what, and he is a man of God...he was the answer to prayers I'd long but given up on. But yet, there he was, right in front of me. Face to face...but his heart somewhere else.

The next day, God slapped me in the face with an answer. haha...yeah he did. My friend just randomly said to me...you like Preston don't you...I was shocked. I'd told no one. But she knew...and she told me he liked me to. Of course, I didn't believe her...until he asked me out a few days later and informed me that he and my friend hadn't talked or anything in a long time, and he hadn't liked her for longer than that...I was so dumbfounded =] but happy no less. I honestly couldn't believe it. But from there...we haven't had any problems (minus distance-but that's another part) and we have grown in life, in friendship, and in love.

So basically the point of this part...is to show that God has His own time. And from experience...it has taken completely breaking me down, to the point where my heart can't hold in it's feelings until He answers my prayers. But He always does. Most of the time granted...they aren't answered as I'd thought best...but it always turns out better than I'd ever expected. I wanted to have a friendship with Preston...for him to notice me and even think that maybe I was worth pursuing as I thought he was...and now I am completely and totally in love with him. Better than I thought or could have imagined. Earlier in life, I prayed and lifted up all my "standards" and "wants" and "needs" about the man I wanted to marry to God...so many things, some big some small, but all things my heart knew I must have...and now I look back and I've realized that he has blown all of those out of the water...he is all of those and more. God has yet agained left me completely speechless and absolutely, unendingly in his debt. Nothing He does is without reason...and though His reasons are without a doubt unknown to us...there are what is best.

I will thank Him and sing His praises eternally for all He has done. I sin and sin more...but He keeps giving and giving. He died for me. That was so much more than I deserve. And yet, He has continued to bless me with my family. my friends. my life. my stories. the love of my life, Preston Lee. my everything. All He wants is my life to do His will. The only question I have to ask...is why wouldn't I give Him my life? He gave me His and then so much more...and I don't even deserve it...He deserves mine and everything else...so Why not!?