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| Why Is It Easier to Condemn Than it is to Forgive? |
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Continuing from my previous blog…
When someone does something hurtful towards you, how do you react? With anger? With hurt? With silence? File for divorce? Stomp out in anger? Run away? Do you admit that the way you react says a lot about who you are as a Christian? If you immediately go on the defensive, and want to retaliate, how can you say that it is justified? Two wrongs don’t make a right.
If you decide to give up, then how can you say that you have forgiven, when forgiveness is exactly what Christ tells us to do?
6:14 For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; 6:15 but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
I have been hurt by the actions of others. I have also caused deep pain to others by my actions. No one is any better than me, and I am no better than anyone else. I try to ask for forgiveness when I realize the hurt I have caused, and I try to forgive when I need to. I have also reacted with anger and blame at times when I have been hurt. I have lashed out against someone who has hurt me. It is far easier to condemn someone for their sins, than to forgive them of the hurt they have caused me. Sometimes even our anger can help us to be protected from the pain. If we get angry at someone that has hurt us, then we don’t have to deal with the pain, we can just seethe in our own anger. That anger can fuel our minds for a long time and we don’t have to succumb to the numbness and pain that comes from being hurt.
But Jesus does not say to be angry or stay angry.
4:26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
Why do you think He said this? It is much harder to not stay angry. Yet it is what Jesus calls us to do. To live above our own selfish desires, or hurts. To go to Jesus for the help and strength we need to forgive. It makes life much easier if we can get along with our fellow man, or our spouses, or children, or friends, or parents or family members…our brothers and sisters in Christ and those who are not of Christ. It is what Jesus did…he modeled how it was to be done and expects us to do it too. So how come so many find it so hard to do? After all, we humans can only sin against God...we do not sin against each other. We hurt each other, but that is not the same as sinning against God. If God can forgive us, then shouldn't we forgive others?
To be continued... |
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Mrs W |
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April 18, 2008 at 6:46am |
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| Condemning - is blame shifting - it makes the whole thing "their" fault -- it releases us from guilt -- or it tries --- |
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I am really enjoying this series Deb.
I am meditating on a series of audio messages right now called "Harnessing Your Emotions"
It's a very powerful message and I hope to be able to relay that in a blog, or series of blogs of my own eventually. Much of that message ties in directly with your post here today. Our God-given emotions are in fact, a major part of our lives. What would life be without joy, happiness, peace, excitement, anticipation, and the rest of the positive emotions?
Paradoxically, the negative emotions can tear us apart. And not only us, but those that are around us. Getting a handle on these emotions is a very serious matter.
That's where staying full of Jesus, The Word, plays huge into this Christian walk. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. Staying full of Him is the key is to stopping the roller coaster of feelings and the beginning of living life on a smooth, even, keel!
Great blog, again! |
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Ed |
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April 18, 2008 at 7:21am |
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I find myself "hurting" more than condemning. Condemning never solved anything, but hurt can. You're right, Mrs W, condeming shifts blame, and if you have no conscience, it makes you feel better. However, if you are hurt by someone, it cause you to think deeper about what was said, the need for forgiveness and the need to bless the offender (see today's blog from Steve Simms about people who "done you wrong"). Hurting, looked at in a spiritual way can be way more productive than condemnation. 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus.
Does this verse speak ONLY to heaven or hell? Or can it also mean there is no condemning spirit in us? There's value in what you say, Deb, Thanks! |
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makes the whole thing "their" fault -- good thought Mrs W
Great blog Deb! We're reading a book called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality in our small group. Great book, teaching us anger and other negative emotions aren't sinful if acknowledged and dealt with properly...take them to God, don't ignore or bury them! |
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| Good thoughts there. We do get angry, but we must deal with it in the proper context and not let it consume us. God gives us the abilities to keep all our emotions in proper perspective. |
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| Good thoughts Deb. I sometimes (erroneously) think anger itself is a sin, but the Eph verse is so interesting. It's okay to be angry, but don't let the anger cause you to sin. And don't stay angry for long.. thanks for highlighting this with us! |
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Deb |
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April 18, 2008 at 5:42pm |
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Mrs. W., great thoughts! Yes, that is one of the reasons we want to blame someone when something goes wrong, and it eases our guilt. We don't want to take responsibility for our part in the problem.
Michael, I look forward to hearing about the messages you are listening to on tape. That should be an interesting topic. The positive emotions that we feel are wonderful, but the negative ones, not so good. Learning how to handle them is an important step.
Ed, I have done my share of condemning and blame shifting. I would hope as I grow older I would learn from past mistakes and take more responsibility for things. I am going to make sure I read Steve's blog that you mentioned. It sounds like it ties into this well.
Mike, I have not read the book you mentioned here, but it sounds like a good one. Would you advise reading it? Is it better for a group than for an individual? Just wondering. Like you said, negative emotions are not bad as long as they are dealt with properly.
Shirley, Amen to that. God is the only one that can enable us to forgive and deal with things in the proper way.
Carebear, Thanks for your comments. I have made the mistake of thinking that anger is a sin too, but it only is if we don't handle it right. |
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Larry |
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April 19, 2008 at 1:36am |
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Miss Deb, How are you? Good to here from you again. Well, its not easy when it comes to issues of the heart. I myself had alot of trouble dealing with hurtful things that some of the people used to say or do to me. Then my pastor at that point in time told me that I had to forgive that person/persons in order to have peace in my life. I told him that was hard to do sometimes, and this is what he told me. When someone hurts you in any way the first time, well, its their doing, but if we wake up the next day and the third day and start to think about it again and we start feeling sad or angry again, then that person didn't hurt us the second or third time, we ourselves are the ones that inflicted the same pain by allowing it to reoccur by not letting go in our own minds.
James 1:2-4 Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be and oppurtunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.
James 1:19-20 Dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in Gods sight.
I have come to find that if I live by Gods Word it is so much easier to be able to live in this world, and although tough sometimes, living the Christlike example helps me to get a better understanding on everday situatuions that go on in life. Now instead of getting angry or coming up with some sort of retort, I instead am able to get past my feelings and able to function as a christian and possibly help minister to this person instead. You see, by getting our mind off our feelings and start thinking about theirs, than that is when we start acting like Christ Himself. Therefore, He can help our gift to grow. Now when people get attitudes or say things to me in a way that is hurtful, I start to imagine or wonder what might be going on in this persons life. Did someone or some thing happen to this person today to make them say or do these things. Then I ask the Lord to help me be fill me with the words to help relieve some of their pain, or simply just praying for them is also very effective. This way we focus on what God wants in our life and feel good at the same time for doing Gods work and leaving it in His Hands. Deb, I hope these are word of encouragment. The devil really hates it when we take what he uses to hurt others and instead use it to glorify the King. You stay blessed. and thanks for such a Good blog. |
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Deb |
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April 19, 2008 at 6:41am |
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| Larry, I took care of the two additional posts of the same thing that came up...when there is a delete button that is easy to do! I liked what you said about the first time someone hurts us it is their doing, but each time we think about it and get angry again, it is our doing. So true! I never thought about it that way. A person usually only hurts us one time, and we just keep hanging on to that hurt and it causes us more pain the longer we hold on to it. Excellent comments! |
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| Yeah, it actually isn't an option: we are told we MUST forgive if God is going to forgive us...and so Holy Spirit will enable us. God would never ask us to do what we couldn't do with Him. Just this morning, due to another spat with the spouse, I asked the Lord to help me to forgive more quickly and be quicker to acknowledge my wrongdoing. Pride, eh? Stinkin' pride. |
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Deb |
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April 21, 2008 at 10:44am |
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| Lara, oh yes, pride is a killer. I am guilty of that too. I hate to admit I am wrong when we have a fight. lol That is something that me and the Lord are working on. |
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Steve |
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April 21, 2008 at 7:09pm |
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| Getting angry is easier because it requires no self control. Forgiveness is hard because we then have to admit we care about the one that hurt us. No doubt Jesus and the Father are hurt when we sin. Forgivess is also needful toward ourselves. For me that is the hardest thing; to forgive myself even after getting forgiveness for God. Forgiveness is rarely easy but necessary. |
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Deb |
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April 21, 2008 at 7:37pm |
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| Steve, I can certainly agree with you that forgiving ourselves is hard. Oh, I had trouble with this...struggled with it for several years. I finally released it to God, but the time I wasted. Forgiveness is not easy, especially not when we have to forgive ourselves, but like you said, it is necessary. |
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enjoying the read...I get hurt, as if you saw in my last post. It is something I work on and find I get past quicker then before! I am have found being kind to those who jurt me is what Jesus would have done. Thanks and will read on! |
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Deb |
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April 23, 2008 at 9:40am |
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| Donna, as we grow older I guess we all find ways to deal better with being hurt and I think that is all a part of maturity. If we approach everything thinking we can do what Jesus would have done, then we handle it much better. |
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Good comments. We need to learn to admit our hurt, let Jesus heal us and we must forgive the offender, which also means forgetting.
You make an interesting contradiction in the middle of your blog:
"Jesus does not say to be angry…" and then quote from Ephesians 4:26 where it says “Be angry …”!
There ARE times when it is right to be angry. Jesus was angry, God gets angry, we can be righteously angry—usually about injustices. It is a common lie that is propagated that Christians should never be angry. BE angry … but don’t sin. That’s what we’re instructed to do. It’s far easier to fall into sin when we’re angry but we don’t need to sin. Let anger be the motivation to action that God wants us to take … and deal with it within the day. |
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Deb |
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April 24, 2008 at 10:10am |
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| Andy, good of you to point out the contradiction I made...I didn't even realize I made it :) I guess I was thinking more along the lines of holding on to the anger and sinning, rather than just being angry. I guess when we are mad, it is all about what we do with those feelings that matters most. We can let it go, or we can let it eat us up. God wants us to let it go, and that sometimes is the hardest thing to do. |
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BHEK |
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April 29, 2008 at 2:01pm |
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I really like this series. I am a former condemner. I did nothing on my own to stop. GOD corrected my heart and it is very rare that I feel to do it anymore. Compassion is the other side of that coin. As a result, I found that not nearly as many as I thought were trying to hurt me.
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Deb |
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April 29, 2008 at 3:07pm |
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BHEK, I know that when we let God change us, he throws out all the bad stuff and fills us up with Him. I was always quick to judge people or get defensive when I thought someone hurt me, never once did the thought of forgiving cross my mind. Making someone pay for hurting was the only thing I thought of. I try to think more like Jesus now, not to say that I have it perfected, I still need some practice. |
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