In church this Sunday, we stood up and a scripture was read.  It was Matthew 5:13-16:

"You are the salt of the earth.  But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.  You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven"

Unexpectedly, this messed me up, man.  My mind raced across the text, picking it apart.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden??  They put a lamp on a STAND and not under a bowl?  It messed me up right in that moment.  You see, I'm moving through a season where all I want to do sometimes is go and run to the nearest bowl, crawl under, and tell the whole world to get lost.  The thought of God comparing me to a city on a hill or a lamp on a stand is at once exciting and terrifying.  I know that He has great plans for me and I know that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made . . . but knowing it and FEELING it are two different things.

I immediately thought about how it feels when I walk out of the back of my church at night.  You look across the night and can see the whole city lit up.  It really is beautiful when you look at it.  But when you start to THINK about what is happening there, a sense of darkness starts to creep in.  Don't dwell there too long because what happens in the dark underbelly of the streets will began to creep in.  THAT is not so lovely.  We, as his children, are like that city;  we may look perfect and wonderful on the OUTSIDE, but don't get too close . . . inside, darkness scratches at the doors of our souls, wanting in. . . . and out!

Quite unexpectantly, I found myself crying out in my spirit, "I do NOT want to be a city on a hill.  I do NOT want to be on anyone's stand, Lord!  Stands remind me of stages and stages mean eyes are upon you!  Right now, I feel like that salt you were talking about . . . thrown out and trampled on.  I'm all jacked up and you want me to SHINE?!"

It took a day later for God to start addressing and breaking down my mindset.  He doesn't need us to be perfect . . . just available.  Though we have hairline fractures in our ceramic bodies, as long as He can connect with us at the "power portal" and produce light,  the rest is of no consequence to Him!   

The lampstand is substance of our life.  Whatever the condition, it is what we stand in and upon.  It may be strong and sturdy or it may be weak, rickety and wobbly.  As long as it doesn't topple over every time you stand it up, it can be used to support a  lamp. 

We are the lamp, Some of us are tall, fragile, and stately, made of ornate crystal or cut glass.  Others are more durable, made of brass, iron or even plastic.  Some may have broken bases and chips or cracks in the body with missing or broken lampshades.  But as long as the place where the bulb goes is in tact, it can still be used to bring forth light.

Christ is the bulb!  We just have to let Him screw himself into our lives and spirits.  For it is not our light that shines -- for without Christ we have none--  but Christ that shines within us.  But He has got to have a place to connect and bring forth the light.

I understood what God was saying, but, in true fashion, I could not resist one last argument.  I said, "But Lord, look at me.  My lampstand is all rickety and shakey.  It is not fit to hold a lamp or to even look at for that matter!  I'm just a hot mess!"

The Lord replied:  Woman, whatever the lamp is sitting on BECOMES the lampstand.  A lit lamp sitting on the FLOOR still gives off light to the dark room!!!  Do you want a rickety stand or do you want the floor?  It's up to you.  Either way, you are going to get your rickety butt up and produce some SHINE!!!!!

Let's see . . . floor . . . rickety stand . . . floor . . . rickety stand.  Been on the floor before. . . not feeling that too much.  Well, the rickety stand is kinda scary -- weaving back and forth and bobbing around like that.  But at least it is alittle higher up! 

I guess I'll take the rickety lampstand for 200 and leave the business of a hopeful upgrade to YOU, Lord!