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| Addicted 2 love--Relationship junkies |
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"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth--for your love is more delightful than wine." -Song of Solomon 1:2 Jan 12/98-"...He makes me so unbelievably happy...." So many addictions can keep us from the Lord. Things we don't want to, or don't feel the strength to let go of. We, as believers, focus a lot on those who are drug and alcohol addicted, recognizing the bondage they are in, but what about another addiction? One I see, just as common, IF NOT MORE common than drug and alcohol addiction, keeping people from surrendering to Christ? That's right; I'm speaking of relationship junkies. Jumping from one person to another, seeking out the thrill of the chase and the high of new romance. Getting drunk off the kisses and embraces. Thinking; obsessing every waking moment about that person who makes their heart race, their palms sweat and their knees, weak. Oh, what a feeling! I remember it well, because I was the ultimate relationship junkie. Seeking out my knight-in-shining armour, my Prince Charming, Mr Right....or Mr Right Now. Love spelled L-U-S-T. Song of Solomon is sooooooo illustrative of what I am trying to say. The entire book shows how highly addictive "love" can be. How euphoric the feeling can be. There are countless examples in the Bible of what happens when someone is caught up in those "feelings": Jacob. I actually love this example because I really believe he was motivated, yes, by the gushy butterfly feelings, but also genuine love. The Bible says, "And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her." (Gen 29:20) WOW! Now that's powerful stuff! Samson wanted Delilah so badly, he put up with her nagging him for the secret of his strength. As a result, he ended up losing his power and becoming enslaved. Hmmm. Spiritual parallel, perhaps? She'd used his weakness against him. (Judges 16)
King David got all weak in the knees when he saw Bath-Sheba bathing. He wanted her so badly, he commited adultery AND murder to have her. Ultimately, he ended up having great troubles and strife within his household as a result. (2 Sam 11) David's son got all hot and bothered over his sister, Tamar, and raped her. Absalom, his half-brother ended up avenging this, killing him, and Tamar was left destitude. (2 Sam 13) Solomon had an eye for the ladies, and I think he'd be a prime example of a "relationship junkie", thus proving that even the wisest of wise may succumb to its power. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines, and these women ultimately turned his heart away from God. (1 Kings 11:1-3) Boy, does that run rampant in our world today! Movies and books promoting unrealistic romances and free sex. The lifestyles of mega-stars and common folk alike, reflects the same. Divorce is at an all time high.....and so is lukewarmness.....and so many people in the world don't want to let go of that "rush" or "high" you get from "love." Does this not sound like an addiction....an idol? Take these entries from a diary I kept when I was 19, and see how I exalt men in God's place: July 10/97- "He treats me well enough, he's just, well, boring. I need excitement; I need romance.....I want to be single. I want to find a romance with spark..." July 28/97- "I think I'm "inlike".....I'm terrified; I'm excited; I'm giddy. I feel like a kid in jr high wiht a huge crush. I can't get his face out of my head...." Aug 7/97- "...Why can't I stop thinking of him? I'd give up my crazy lifestyle just to be with him. I really would. I'd probably marry him." Nov 28/97- "Here I wait for "John" like an anxious school girl. I'm drawn to him like magnet to steel. If it's wrong, why does it feel so d___ed right?" Nov 29/97- "Today I start anew....will I ever find my knight-in-shining-armour?" Dec10/97- "...I'm dying to talk to him. He's got me in a daze. He's got my emotions wrapped around his fingertip....Will the novelty wear off? All I know is I still feel excited to see him. His touch still makes me tingle. His voice soothes me. I'd give it all up; the bar scene, the partying, the sleeping around, to be with him; only him." Jan 7/98- "...The way he gazes into my eyes is so intense, it makes me me tingly all over...a feeling of tranquility and bliss has engulfed me, amidst all the painful events. I'm on a cloud, and I don't want to depart from it. Is he the piece of the missing puzzle? I hope so...." Feb /98- "...I will be in bliss come Friday. I will be in heaven..." March 6/98- "...Most of my pain stems from relationships lately. I feel like I need constant affection and reassurance that I'm loved..." March 9/98- "...I'm lonely, even more so now. I ache for intimacy, companionship; oneness; wholeness..." March 11/98- "...I like "Ted" and all, but out with the old, in with the new..." March 19/98- "...Those are my guys.....Eleven." April 16/98- "...I can't hide my emotions. They're written all over my face. I felt my heart soar when I saw him...."Dan's" a dream come true for me. He's everything I've dreamed of. He may be the love of a lifetime. I'm so crazy about him. "Dan's" my knight-in-shining-armour.."
Yes, I was 19, but I see women of ALL ages like this! Men too! I began my thrill of the chase at puberty (12) until it drove me into Abba Father's arms.
I know of people who don't want to give their lives to the Lord because they aren't willing to let go of their sinful relationship. I know of many Christians whose hearts--like Solomon's--are pulled away from the Lord, as they pursue this person or that person, Christian or not. It's true God saw that it wasn't good for man to be alone, but when you start placing a "feeling", a boyfriend or girlfriend on a pedestal that belongs to God Alone, this is not good! It's sin, and God is a jealous God! We were made to be addicted to Him. Those giddy feelings you get from that person, that rush and the thrill of the chase--God intended for us to feel that way as we pursue Him! Relationship junkies will never find happiness with a person until they first find it with the Lord. I can attest to this, where my marriage has been more work than play these past 4 years (and this is my second marriage-first as a believer). So why do we come alongside to help the alcoholic or drug addict, and give no support---perhaps even scorn--the relationship junkie? They really need your love and support, because that is a huge thing they seek out in their romantic interests. Love spelled L-U-S-T and R-O-M-A-N-C-E is so powerful, milllions of songs have been written about it. Lives have been destroyed by it. Here's a word of wisdom to those "relationship junkies" out there, coming from an ex-junkie. It is not wise to watch romance movies and read romance novels all the time. It's like an alcoholic hanging out at a bar. Don't think for a moment, just because you're "only kissing" or whatever that when you are constantly pursuing someone, or always in a relationship, that something isn't wrong. Just because you're not having sex, doesn't mean it isn't sin. And just because you are with the person for a long time, then with another for a long time right after, doesn't make it healthy. ANYTHING we exalt above God is an idol, hense, sin. If you feel boredom, unrest and loneliness when you're single or don't have someone in your sights, constantly, then your heart is likely turned away from God. He wants ALL of us---not the leftovers. So then what? Relationship junkies, get accoutable, get people praying for you and with you. Get into the Word and prayer. Avoid the movies, books and such which could tempt you. Get out and get fellowship! As you spend quality time with good friends, you will be amazed how much this helps! For those of you who know relationship junkies, Christian or not, recognize that it is an addiction, and they need help, love and support too! We sometimes look with sympathy on the alcoholic and disdain the woman at church who has a new beau every week. When I got saved, I was ready. I wanted God, Alone. I was tired from the unsatisfying relationships. With fellowship, friends and lots of God, for the first time since I was 12, I had a freedom like never before! I felt 'liberated'. For the first time, I didn't need a man (only Jesus). I didn't need to be pursuing or day dreaming about someone. It was awesome! And when my husband came along, I was completely contented in Jesus being "my Man." I wasn't looking for romance. Of all the addictions, the high I got from romance/relationships was the biggest, and kept me from God above liquer and drugs. God says, "You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself an idol....You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God..." (Ex 20:3-5a) Trust God. He can see you through this. He can make you whole again. And yes, in His timing and will, He can bring you your mate. Just remember though: the only knight-in-shining-armour, the only perfect love, is Jesus Christ. You won't find from a mate what only He can give you.
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We all at one time or another have been addicted to love 'LUST' and was so disappointed when all of what we thought we saw in that person turned to dust..... Our expectations are so high and usually generated by what we have read or seen on TV and very unrealistic....
God gives us a mate to comfort us in times of need, console us when things seem to be going so wrong and yes, to give us that tingly feelings when needed. He also wants us to have a mate who gives honor and glory to him first (FIRST)....
No person on this earth can console me like my Father and I had to learn that the hard way. It is a shame that some of us spend more than half of our life looking for Mr or Miss Right, when Jesus has been there all along.
Great Blog.... |
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| One of your best, Lara. I know this will speak to many people (esp. women), and on several levels (emotional, spiritual,etc). Thanks for sharing this! |
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| mstovall20.... I had the tinglies too over my man! lol That isn't the sin of course. But you got what i was saying! lol Thanks for reading. :) |
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| Mike, thanks for reading. yeah, there are a lot of women like this...but I actually know quite a few men with the same tendency. I know one in particular that his heart is divided due to a "woman weakness". I hope it helps somebody. We tend not to talk about this much, and it needed to be addressed. |
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Deb |
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May 06, 2008 at 12:10pm |
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| Been there, done that. I won't go into detail, but I was a "relationship junkie" too. Yes, it is a high feeling when you "fall in love", but it is no good. Thank God He saved me from myself. He is the only One who can fulfill us. Other people can only do it fleetingly...God does it constantly. Great blog. |
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| Wow, this is really good! We overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and by the Word of our testimony! |
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Deb, amen! Hope for the junkies, eh? Plumbline ministries, thank you. It was longer than I wanted it to be, but perhaps God wanted it all said. I hope it actually helps someone, and encourages believers to be more sensitive to this and help ppl with this addiction. Chafas, bro, thanks for reading. Thank you ALL for reading. |
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Dora |
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May 06, 2008 at 12:55pm |
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Hi Lara, as my testimony states I had let my relationship with my then boyfriend keep me from seeking God way before he decided to leave. I have been there and done that but thank God He knows what is best for me because now I am His and have not been in another relationship because I know that I am not ready for one. God needs to be first in my life. Thank you so much for sharing this. I pray you have a very blessed day sister |
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| Dora, Amen! I am so happy to hear that you have chosen God! It is good to be secure in Him before we ever seek a mate. You are a wise lady, indeed! :) |
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Amen Sis God has truly made you an AWSOME Child of the Most High!
GOD BLESS,
Bro. |
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| Lara, spot on, lady! There are so many things that try to separate us from God, so many...great post. |
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Lara...
This is great. Thanks so much for posting it. God bless you. |
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Doyle, thanks! You are always so encouraging! Voice, yes there are! And if ppl only knew what they were missing out on....thanks for reading. Robin, you're welcome. Thanks again for reading. |
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| Too many believers are addicted to selfish motives. |
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| Phil, that's because so many of us are walking according to the flesh and not the Spirit. thanks for reading. Bless ya, bro. |
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Glenn |
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May 07, 2008 at 6:06am |
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Lara, you have totally nailed it with this post. I think back to my teen years and I totally agree with your assessment. I am sooooo glad that God spoke into my life some of this truth you have spoken here and gave me the grace to follow him until he gave my my wife. I pray that God will use this post to speak truth to all who need to hear this message today.
Thanks for your insight.
peace |
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| How did i miss this blog? "relationship junkies" Laura you have so much to offer people especially young women" thanks for sharing this with us, I pray that all will read it and be blessed by your words. |
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Glenn, thank the Lord you only went through it in your teens! I think of one friend of mine that walked out of her marriage in her late 30's (part of it was my fault-long story) and then went from one relationship to another, to another...and she remarried, and I know they were having trouble right away, and I keep emailing her and haven't heard from her since. I have told her continually that what she is looking for, no man can give her. Only God. I believe she'll find that out. She's now in her 40's, so this can go on and on and on. Keith brother, I just want to help, and actually reading ALL my diaries from 88-01 are what made me see my life in another way, as like an outsider looking in, and that allowed me to see what a mess I was and to get saved........finally! So keeping diaires sure paid off...not so good at it now. lol |
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Jen |
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May 07, 2008 at 11:50am |
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| Great blog, Lara! |
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| Jen thank you! Thanks for reading! :) |
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| Great Blog. There are so many great points I can't comment on any one of them. You covered them all. Thanks! |
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| Brad, thanks for reading! :) Lord bless! |
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| Thanks, May. thanks for reading it, especially where it's a little longer than a typical blog. :) |
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| Great and awesome post! Very, very true. Thanks for posting!! |
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| Prudence, thanks for reading! Lord bless! |
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Jen |
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May 09, 2008 at 12:20pm |
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| I have know such people. It's very hard for them to be "alone". I've been pretty much the opposite, and I feel for those who are "serial daters." Good post! |
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| Jen, lol. Serial daters! Be grateful u never succumbed to that! Makes for a lot of baggage! Thanks for reading. |
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There's also much to be said from the angle of those within the household of faith, going from one relationship/friendship to another, having such gross false expectations of another to fulfill that which only God can. Heaping flesh upon flesh, darkness unto darkness, until the day of the Lord for them comes and in an instant their eyes are opened to see the true nature of the beast. I'll be writing a testimony on this soon..thanks for sharing this Truth. Blessings in Jesus, LM |
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| Lara~ I was just sitting here reading this and thinking How does she do this!! So right on and to the point! Girl, so many fabulous teachings in this blog, wonderful insight. As you know with my testimony I know first hand as well what being a "relationship junkie" can do! So right if we get that kind of urge and we turn to Christ Our fix would be taken care of once and for all!! Thank you for posting this!! HELLO MY NAME IS BEAUTY FOR ASHES I AM A RELATIONSHIP JUNKIE I THANK GOD I HAVE BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR 3 YEARS!!! |
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Andrey, I love you. And you needn't be scared by this. This is to let people know that there is help and hope. You are getting help, and that is the main thing. Don't let this blog make you feel condemned or accused, because you are most certainly NOT in my eyes. We are all in this together. You keep seeking God and getting help with this, and I will be believing with you for victory! LM, yeah, you may have noticed I did mention Christians who do this: them being the ones who are pulled away from God. Yipes! It makes you sad, eh? You think, they know of the One who can fulfill those things and yet they turn to mere man (or woman), but I guess that's why I wrote this, was for ppl to understand better how it is an addiction and to be compassionate and pray for them and encourage them to get "better" (healing). Thanks so much for reading! Beautyforashes, Amen, sista! lol I am blunt and some ppl get a little wigged out by it, but God made me this way. lol We are FREE, sista! Ain't it grand? And we can help others too with our testimonies to know they can be free too. |
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Joey |
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May 11, 2008 at 12:12pm |
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| Good blog, Lara. Proud of you. |
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Andrey, the devil is the accuser of the brethren, not my blog, my friend. This blog is meant to encourage, and I am sorry if it is having the opposite affect on you. You are not taking it the way it should be taken: As HOPE for ppl struggling in this. It's up to you if you want to be my friend or not anymore. Regardless of your decision, know that I love you and will keep praying for you. Joey, thank you sweety! |
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Yeah the Holy Spirit really spoke through you.
I am constantly trying to get people (not just teenagers) to see this. But they can be so lied to into thinking that Mr right-now is the one every other month its a new one.
Anyway I would add that people should use the time that they have being single not only fellow-shipping but using it for the Lord.
People who do not have a husband to rush home to tend to can stay out feeding the homeless longer or show up earlier to church to help in the Sunday classes.
God is going to ask us what we did with our time and we are going to be rewarded accordingly. If you spent all your time on making your flesh happy looking for a man then you cant expect to get rewarded for that. Matthew 25 The Parable of the Talents What I find is that as I submit to God's will (others before myself) God works on my needs so long as I am occupying my time with His work you would be surprised how little you have time to obsess over your next relationship when you are taking trips to Mexico to help in orphanages and how small your need is compared to hungry families needs.
What a better place to stumble over the person God wants you to be joined with in ministry.
Singleness?
Anyway Great to see you sharing the wisdom the Lord has given you.
Be Blessed so you Can bless -Amy Urena |
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| Amy, I had the most fun admittedly--when I was single. That's not putting down my husband or son by any means: My husband would tell you the same thing: He was more fruitful (less sandpaper-lol) as a single Christian. It's just your time is not divided nor is your heart, and I agree with what you are saying to the fullest. Enjoy serving God single cuz there is nothing quite like it! Lord bless you! |
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7:1 Now, as to the things in your letter to me: It is good for a man to have nothing to do with a woman. 7:2 But because of the desires of the flesh, let every man have his wife, and every woman her husband. 7:3 Let the husband give to the wife what is right; and let the wife do the same to the husband. 7:4 The wife has not power over her body, but the husband; and in the same way the husband has not power over his body, but the wife. 7:5 Do not keep back from one another what is right, but only for a short time, and by agreement, so that you may give yourselves to prayer, and come together again; so that Satan may not get the better of you through your loss of self-control. 7:6 But this I say as my opinion, and not as an order of the Lord. 7:7 It is my desire that all men might be even as I am. But every man has the power of his special way of life given him by God, one in this way and one in that. 7:8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, It is good for them to be even as I am. 7:9 But if they have not self-control let them get married; for married life is better than the burning of desire.
7:32 But it is my desire for you to be free from cares. The unmarried man gives his mind to the things of the Lord, how he may give pleasure to the Lord: 7:33 But the married man gives his attention to the things of this world, how he may give pleasure to his wife. 7:34 And the wife is not the same as the virgin. The virgin gives her mind to the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in body and in spirit: but the married woman takes thought for the things of the world, how she may give pleasure to her husband. 7:35 Now I say this for your profit; not to make things hard for you, but because of what is right, and so that you may be able to give all your attention to the things of the Lord. 7:36 But if, in any man's opinion, he is not doing what is right for his virgin, if she is past her best years, and there is need for it, let him do what seems right to him; it is no sin; let them be married. 7:37 But the man who is strong in mind and purpose, who is not forced but has control over his desires, does well if he comes to the decision to keep her a virgin. 7:38 So then, he who gets married to his virgin does well, and he who keeps her unmarried does better. 7:39 It is right for a wife to be with her husband as long as he is living; but when her husband is dead, she is free to be married to another; but only to a Christian. I really loved Verse 32 because it says exactly what I feel. |
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| Amy, that is sooooooo the verse I was thinking of when I said that to you! lol |
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| We must have the same spirit in both of us! Duh Amy God is everywhere! |
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Amy, Hahaha! You make me laugh! :-D Andrey, you are going to make it, my friend! God can do for you what He did for me and others, and He wants to because He loves you so much! I am so glad you understand what I was trying to accomplish with the blog. Lord bless you. |
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Joey |
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May 15, 2008 at 10:51am |
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Now that Greg has gone back to work I have my house back. It is quite and weird.
I'm getting used to it. On Monday I danced around like owned the joint!! I'm calmer now. |
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| Haha! My hubby's gone for the night....but my neighbors keep close tabs on me, so I gotta be careful with that whole dancing around thing. LOL |
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| It is a hard thing to learn that we find our only true love, security, and happiness in the Lord. We were created to know and love Him. The sad thing is our hearts know that something is missing but we ignore the light of God and the prompting of the Holy Spirit and try to fill that void with other people and things. I thank you, for this blog for I have a 15 year old daughter that tortures herself for other's affection, and before she leaves the nest, I want her to know that I love her the way she is and that God loves her too, and the He seeks to be loved by her first. |
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Bro Todd, ohhhhhhhh how I remember that age! Man oh man, if I knew then what I know now....I wouldn't be me I suppose. well, umm, haven't done this lately, but just want to say right now, "Lord God, just totally show Todd's daughter; reveal to her her great worth in Your eyes. Show her a picture like what you showed me right before I actually surrendered...it's what made me surrender! Lord, show her that she is a beautiful princess, and that her heart is a priceless thing...and to guard it greatly. Lord, give her wisdom and discernment FAR beyond her years, and put a hunger within her for everything You have to offer...and that she would be completely satisfied in Your love. In Jesus' powerful Name! Ugh. I can't help but rejoice, believing Jesus will be here long before my son will be a teen. It's a real faith-building time for sure, but the youth are really going to be used mightily in these last days, and are worth every bit of time spent and love poured in to them. They rock! I'll keep your daughter in my prayers. Message me with her first name, if you don't mind. :) |
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I love this BLog!!!! YEAH! |
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| Nia, thanks for reading! :D |
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