| Go ahead and laugh, it's good for you. Pt. 1 |
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Monday is finally here. The day that I get to join the ranks of true womanhood and hope I can muster up the courage to go through with it and make a good impression, This is the day I have a mammogram done, my first one ever.
So I get to the imaging place and sign in and have a seat. I'm looking around and notice that I'm the only one here. It's a really nice office, they just opened up not too long ago and it just has that new look about it still. While I'm admiring the new decor in the back of my mind I'm scared to death that I'm going to get a man to do my mammo and the ultrasound. I'm contemplating what I should do exactly if this happens, because I know I need it done, but not sure I could handle the embarassment of it all.
Just a side note for all those women who have not had a mammo yet. Don't worry if you had the same fear I did. I found out later that mammo's are only done by other women. That would have been great to know before, but I survived.
My name is called and this little older woman takes me back to the patient area. She shows me into this room and says I can leave my belongings here and here is a lovely paper vest for me to change into. She tells me when I'm done to take the key and the door will be locked and to just have a seat out in the hallway.
So, once again I put on this stupid oversize paper vest and try and wrap it around me so that nothing is showing. I then step out into the hallway, close the door and go sit in their little waiting area.
As I'm sitting there, waiting, I glance at the magazines but do not see anything that really catches my eyes. I then decide to make sure I'm still completly covered and look down to see that my left breast is poking through the hole where my left arm is! Oh that's just great!
So, I'm sitting there trying to be discreet but also trying to cover everything up. I finally just give up and cross my arms around me as tight as I can get. About this time the lady comes back and says it's time to get started.
She leads me into this room where the great wonder of Mammo's is standing tall and proud. It seems to sense it has a newbie in it's vicinity and can smell new blood. It seems to stand a little taller and get a glint about it that I had not noticed before. I'm looking at this thing wondering exactly how this is going to work.
The lady is explaining to me exactly what she is going to do, but I couldn't tell you what she truly said. All I got out of it was, boobie goes here and then it gets squashed under some plastic gizmo. Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.
So she comes over and starts taking off half of my lovely paper vest. She then says move forward and turn a little bit to the right, Then she's grabbing a hold of me and trying to get something to sit up on the platform. Well, to be upfront and honest, I'm not exactly what you would call well endowed, so she's not having an easy time of it.
Then she starts bringing what looks like a plastic dish down towards my left breast. I'm looking up at the ceiling, the wall, the backside of my eyelids while 100 pounds of pressure per square inch is being applied to a part of me that is senitive to touch.
Of course durning this, she's telling me in a calm cool voice, just relax, relax your shoulder. Okay, now don't move. Then she leaves to go to the other maching to take the picture. Unbeknownest to me, she has to go 5 miles down the road to do this. Leaving me standing there with my boob pinched under an elephant's hoof trying to relax!
Naturally that's all an exaggeration, but when you're there, you will understand the truth to it. She then comes back and moves me into another position and once again I'm being squished.
Unfortunatly this time, I make the mistake to look down to get an idea of what exactly is being done to my precious body part.
AAAHHHHHH!!!!! Oh my word!!! I'm flat! Flat as a pancake. This isn't right! I'm supposed to be perky! What if it doesn't spring back to it's original perky shape?! Oh my gosh, what is happening here? Oh? time to change positions again? Oh will you look at that, it's still retaining it's original shape. Whew. |
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