| Liberals love Ponies |
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We have all heard a friend (someone that seemed cool, usually) say it. Some of those reading this blog may say it themselves:
"I'm socially liberal and fiscally conservative."
To them I say this:
I want a pony!
What is the pony here? The pony is all these liberal social rights that these libertarian-types like: drug legalization and gay marriage and free speech and the like. All those things that young people think are cool. They are the pony. Got that? Pony.
Now, in their world everyone can have a pony. Free and clear (my blood parasites group), ponies are being given away to everyone that asks. You can have a pony, you can have all the free speech, all the gay marriage and all the legal pot you can stand. You can ride your pony to work or just hang with it on the couch eating Cheeze Poofs.
But, just because everyone has a pony doesn't mean this is a world of candy and candy apples. No, because ponies are expensive. You need stabling fees and you need to buy hay and maybe some sugar for a treat. If you want to ride your pony in shows, you may need to hire a trainer. All those things cost money.
So everyone gets a pony, but you have to pay for your own care and feeding. So the fact is, if you aren't rich, you may have to watch your pony weaken from starvation and die of exposure in your carport beside the 98 Honda that gets you to work 9 out of 10 days every two weeks.
So you have a pony you can care for. That leaves you with a few options... you could just not get a pony... you could sell or lease your pony to the rich family across town whose daughters don't want to share the pony they have... you could learn how to make glue. But the end of the story is the same: A pony is no good if you can't care for it. Look at how hard Homer had to work at the Quik-E-Mart!
Libertarians are just Republicans that like to smoke pot, and the socially liberal/fiscally conservative crowd likes to play the arcade games but don't want to have to buy tokens.
Taxes are the dues we pay to live in a free country. Social Security and public education and (if the democrats could get something done) universal health care and gumdrop incentives are the investment we make in the pony infrastructure.
Now you may be tempted to say that you have your stable and your pony gets oats three times a week and an apple a day. "Screw 'um!" you say about the people with Spanish Civil War emaciated ponies roaming the countryside. You got yours.
But what if a pony kicks over a lantern? What once was quaint is now a fire hazard and your pony, like that bum's is homeless and cold and your store of oats was ruined by the firemen, it is just soggy oatmeal now.
Face it, ponies are a spendy proposition. You can't afford one. There is a reason that only the rich girls that end up on MY SUPER SWEET 16 have ponies.
Now, in closing, remember the lesson: It does no good to be socially liberal if you are burning down the local barn. |
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