I'm taking the MCAT May 27th. Yes, that's right, in about 11 days. It's crazy to think that it's almost here. And yet I feel there is still so much preparing I have. But it's too late to change the date, and I must take on this mighty big test. I have been hardcore studying since about May 5th, leaving little time to spend with family, friends, and sadly God. I was feeling guilty this past weekend for devoting so much time to one little test. On Sunday, when Chris was giving a word to someone, I felt like it was kinda for me too. "No more guilt, no more shame." Continuously since then, I have meditated on these words. I've spent time with the Lord, and I feel He will honor that. Even though I have so much more studying to do, God will bless my faithfulness to Him. And I'm so thankful that He convicted me of not giving Him enough time.

So today, I have been studying the biology section since around 10:30 am. I am so mentally exhausted. But this morning I took time to spend with God. And it felt GREAT!  So around 5 I went to lay in my bed. I couldn't fall asleep, so I just started praying.

"God if it is in your will for me to do well on the MCAT, I will. And it will not be for my glory, BUT for Yours. Lord, let me get the score that will get me into the med school where you want me to serve, where you want me to go. Or even if you don't want me to go. Please Lord just let me hear your voice through this whole experience."
 
And I just layed there completely still. And God gave me this verse, which is wonderful because it has always been a favorite of mine.

And the Lord told me that I can do ALL things. Not some things. Not just a few things. But ALL things.  So I made it mine, I made the verse personalized and my new Philippians 4:13 reads:  "I can take the MCAT and do well through Christ who strengthens me. I need to let the enemy stop telling me that I'm not good enough. The enemy needs to be defeated in telling me that I'm not smart enough. I am smart enough. I am good enough. I am a precious daughter of the King. He loves me and He wants to provide for me. I AM good enough. I HAVE studied enough.

God is for me. God does not want me to fail. "I'm in love with God, and God's in love with me. This is who I am and this is who I'll be. And that settles that---completely!"  I am so thankful that God grabbed ahold of me. He saw that I had turned away from Him. And he graciously called me back. And just at the right time. Because I need Him right now. I need Him in this crazy, stressful time to hold me. And tell me that everything is going to be okay. And that He has a beautiful plan for my life. And I'm okay with that, even if our plans don't line up. How could the one who gave me life not know the best purpose for my life? It's a wonderful thing, I'll tell ya.