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| something i've been thinking about |
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I haven't written for a long while. Life has been busy. About the only down time I've had lately is my bus ride to and from work...which is almost an hour each way. I've been devoting most of my ride to work to prayer and to memorizing, in English, the "I Confess with Faith." My grandmother was one of those mairigs that knew each of the 24 verses by heart. They helped her get through the tough times in her life. My grandma was a genocide survivor. A very strong woman but a soft grandma. Her house smelled like Palmolive soap and onions. She has been my inspiration of faith. When I was battling cancer, I thought of her....and how much more she had gone through....and she made it because she had faith. And I made it too, thank God.
Anyways, so I've been thinking about her a lot lately because I feel this connect since I'm learning the prayers. I've got the first nine committed to memory now. They're comforting. I repeat them before I go to sleep at night....and when I wake up in the middle of the night. When I'm washing dishes, doing beads, whatever.
So this morning I was going through verse 9....and it's given me something to ponder that I thought I'd share.
"All provident Lord, place your holy fear as a guard before my eyes so they may not look lustfully; before my ears so that they may not delight in hearing evil words, before my mouth so that it may not speak any falsehoods, before my heart so that it may not think evil......."
Interesting, no? It's not "...before my MIND so that it may not think evil"...but before my heart. So the evil is starting not as an idea but it's generating in my heart.....never thought about it that way. And then as I as just posting this blog...when i said my grandmother knew the prayer by heart. I don't really know what I want to say here other than it's something to think about....knowing something by heart. It's so much more VITAL that way, isn't it? It's the pulse! the beat of our lives. So committing prayers to the heart become part of our day to day.
Just wanted to put that down.
:)
I hope you're all having a beautiful and blessed day! Looking forward to our homeless ministry tonight!
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| To add a comment to "something i've been thinking about" |
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| May 19, 2008 |
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Anush,
Thanks for sharing this. You've stumbled on one of Shnorhali's special messages to all of us. Number 9 is special for me particularly because of the heart/think relationship. It defines us as truly Eastern in thought.
Check out the entire verse:
All-caring Lord, place Thy holy fear as a guard before my eyes, that they may no more look at unclean things, before my ears, that they may not delight in hearing evil words, before my mouth, that it may speak no falsehood, before my heart, that it may think no evil, before my hands, that they may do no injustice, before my feet, that they may not walk in the paths of iniquity, but so direct them that they may always follow Thy commandments. Have mercy upon Thy creatures and upon me, a manifold sinner.
It is written as a negative request. Turn it around and make it a positive statement of faith:
All-caring Lord, open my eyes so that I may see the beauty of Thy Creation and open my ears so that I may hear Thy commandments. May my mouth open to sing your praise. And may the actions of love flow from my heart. Give strength to my hands so they may do Thy good works and to my feet so that they may follow the paths of justice and direct them that they may always follow Thy commandments. Have mercy upon Thy creatures and upon me, a manifold sinner.
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| May 19, 2008 |
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| Father Vazken, very nice job with the positive turn on this lovely prayer. |
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| May 20, 2008 |
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wow, now i'm getting goosebumps... especially after having spent the last few hours of our day with our homeless brothers and sisters. all-caring Lord, make us instruments of your love, and may that love always flow from our hearts... Thank you Anush jan, and thank you Der Vaz. |
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| May 20, 2008 |
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| Just some thoughts: The heart and the intellect/mind are connected since ideas start in the mind, in thought, and end up in the heart through action. When asking God to place holy fear before the gates, which are our senses, it makes us mindful of our weaknesses and asks God to be our strength. This is also a special prayer for me, through this prayer I learned with holy fear is. In the Western world fear is completely a negative word. In the Orthodox world, fear is the loving of God so much that we don’t want to lose any part of the loving relationship we have with Him. I read the blog and I saw something very special. A person, your grandmother, had experienced the worst dehumanizing event in history, and instead of walking away hating God, as some people have, she became a pillar of faith of whom God dwelled in her heart. |
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| May 21, 2008 |
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| Every generation has its own way of thinking. depending on their circumstances. Father Vazken made a nice bridge between generations thinking. Vartan loved the positive one, Ludwig reflected on the original one. And this is my opinion, The word Holy Fear is a very deep and complex word. like sunlight it is transparent but complex and composed of many different colors. All together it gives us the light. The word fear is a negative word, but holy fear contains in it many adjectives. It has its own unique characteristics and I love it. |
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