I've felt very strongly for several months now that God is going to start moving against depression in the body of Christ.  In fact, I believe there have been several promises made in regard to that at Redeemer -- but some of that would probably come across as a bit crazy, so ask me about it privately if you want more details.

So I've been waiting.  And praying.  And waiting.  And praying.  And waiting.  Wanting to see this move start.  Seeing people hurting and suffering.  Struggling myself.  Feeling powerless.

Then on my drive home from work a question from the Holy Spirit.  "What are you waiting for?"  Well, to be delivered from this myself, and to see others set free, of course.  And then it came again.  "What are you waiting for?"  Well, God, I'm waiting for You!  I don't have any weapons to use in this fight.  If you need someone to write software to read medical images I'm you man, but I this is beyond me.  And then it came again.  "What are you waiting for?"

So I'm going to step out in faith on this.  Over the next 30 days every time I pray and every time I pick up my guitar and worship deliverance from depression is going to be my focus.  Those are the only weapons I have in this fight.  I'm going to carry a list with me this entire time of everyone I know that needs God to move in this area of their lives.  If you or someone you know needs to be on that list, please let me know.

And I'm asking if there are 3 people who would be willing to join me in this.  Crying out for 30 days to see God move against a quiet but brutal enemy.

I'll try to update this posting whever I have something to share.  Bring Your freedom, Lord.

May 19:  For those that had trouble getting out of bed this morning, not just those that needed another 5 minutes sleep, but those that didn't know how they were going to face another day.  You are NOT alone.  You are NOT alone.  You are NOT alone.

May 20:  For whoever it is that is thinking about giving up and just running away from everything -- home, job, family -- I have a word of encouragement.  You cannot outrun your problems, but God is after your heart and your problems CANNOT outrun the living God.

May 21:  Heavenly Father, for those of us that are like Saul and the darkness retreats a bit when we listen to music -- put worship so deeply within our hearts that even when the music fades the darkness cannot return.  Let our hearts beat with worship for you, constantly driving away the darkness.

May 22:  God it is YOUR presence that we are longing for.  Sometimes we feel loneliness even with our friends, even in a crowd, and in our hearts what we are really longing for is to be with You.  Come chase away the loneliness Lord.  Come fill the empty places in our lives.

May 23:  Lord, hasten the day that we will walk in our true calling.  Trying to find our own way is just too great a burden.

May 24: Lord come and be the hope for the hopeless, the help for the helpless, the faith for the faithless, the life for the dead.

May 25:  God for all of us who see our loved ones hurting and feel powerless to stop it, send Your comfort and Your strength.  And remind us that even if we have no power in the natural realm, there is a power in prayer.

May 26:  God speak to your people!  Tell us what You want in our lives.  Tell us the desires of Your heart.  Your voice is stronger than the voice of the enemy, the enemy that tells us that we aren't good enough, that we aren't strong enough, that we aren't smart enough, that we aren't pretty enough, that we aren't rich enough.  Let Your voice and Your word echo through our lives.

May 27:  Heavenly Father, some days it feels like the weight of the world is trying to crush us.  We may be a new creation, but it feels like we are still carrying around the old creation on our shoulders.  Bring Your freedom God.  Bring Your freedom God.  Bring Your freedom.

May 28:  Okay, tonight's prayer is going to sound a touch crazy.  I hope this finds the person it was meant for.  Whoever it was today that felt so overwhelmed that you had to go out to your car and cry -- you can't bear to break down at work and you feel like you need to be strong at home, so that was the only safe place -- this is for you.  God saw you crying.  He cried with you.  He wants you to know that he loves you -- he really, truly loves you.  And He wants you to know that there is hope.  There is a new dawn coming in your life that will wash away this pain.  Until then He wants you to fall into His arms.  And if the only place you feel safe doing that is sitting in your car in the parking lot after work, that is okay.

May 29:  Tonight I want to pray for those of us who are still waiting for our breakthrough.  We see God moving in other people's lives and in other areas of the world and we want to clap our hands an cheer -- but it deepens the need within us.  God come and move in our hearts.  Move in our lives.  Break through our circumstances.  Break through our excuses.  Take your people by the hand and lead them back into the light, God.  Look our captor in the eye and say "Let My People Go!"  Lead us into Your light!

May 30:  One thought kept coming up as I prayed tonight: sideline.  So God, for those of us who feel like we are stuck on the sidelines, sitting on the bench, not even good enough to play a part in our own life please remind us that You made us.  You formed us.  We were created because You wanted us, and even if the world seems to think that we are second best (or worse) You still loved us enough to send Jesus to redeem us.  And we may not be superstars, and we may fail over and over and over again, and we may sing off key, but when we praise Your name all of heaven sings with us.

May 31:  In my carelessness today the list of names I have been carrying with me since this started was put through the washer and dryer today.  Thousands of little snibbles of paper everywhere.  As I re-copied the names to a new list to carry with me I was happy that I had a second copy to work from so that I wouldn't forget any of the names.  And then I became even happier because I realized that God would NEVER forget any of these names.  Thank You, God, for remembering us!

June 1:  God some days I just feel like a cork floating in the ocean.  As your waves go by I feel lifted up, but then I feel even further down than where I started as I watch the wave move away.  Sometimes up, sometimes down, but not moving forward.  God I'm waiting for Your waves to break.  Break and push me forward.  Break and change me.  Just don't pass by and leave me here.

June 2:  Jesus You are Lord of every day, not just Sunday.  So why are Mondays such a struggle for me?  Why do I always feel like somehow between the end of work on Friday and the start of work on Monday I've somehow fallen behind?  Lord help me get my priorities straight!  Help me to focus on Your kingdom and trust that You will work everything else out without me having to try to keep complete control of every detail.

June 3:  How many different ways could you complete the phrase "I wish I wasn't so ____.  Then I would feel better."  30 seconds -- go!  ..............................  I came up with 8 in 30 seconds.  God, help me see through the lies that I believe about myself.  Help me to remember that no matter what else I am, I'm a child of God and I was made by You and in Your image.  I'm going to write down these 8 items tonight and then cross each of them out.  God set me free from the lies that I believe about myself!

June 4:  God wake me up!  When I start to focus on the negative and the things that aren't going right just change my focus back to you.  Shake me back awake before I even start down the downward spiral!  Let me always look at a problem as an opportunity to advance Your kingdom, not as an opportunity to complain.  And let me always think of the things that I (or You) can do, not the things that I cannot.

June 5:  Heavenly Father give us dreams of our place in Your kingdom.  Visit us tonight and show us the future that You want for us.  Show us the present that You want for us.  Our lives haven't quite turned out the way we thought they would when we were kids, but that is okay.  Just replace my gloomy outlook with Your perspective.  And when I try to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, stop me!

June 6:  As I listen to the thunderstorms passing by I can't help but think of Psalm 29 -- The God of Glory Thunders!  Send your reign God!  Replace the storms in my life with the sound of Your voice!

June 7:  God there are days where it feels like even my best isn't good enough.  Where even in the things I do best, the things You made me to do, I feel like a total failure.  Like I'm running the race I'm best at and still I finish last.  God change my perspective!  Let me value the things that you value, want the things that you want, love the things that you love!  And teach me that my ability and what I think of my ability doesn't really mean anything.  It is what You think that matters.  Do whatever it takes to advance Your kingdom.  If I need to lose every race and fail at every attempt then let it be so.  Don't let me give up and don't let me lose heart -- in You I hope.

June 8:  Heavenly Father do not let our workplaces be a stressful burden on us.  Instead use us to bless those that we work for and that we work with.  And let those that don't know You finally find You through us.  Instead of dreading Monday morning let us awake with an excitement about what You are going to do.  Give us kingdom hearts, kingdom minds, and kingdom lives.

June 9:  Lord as I try to stop myself from eating an entire box of Oreos tonight because I'm feeling sorry for myself I ask that you keep us from falling back into old, familiar patterns that don't work!  Don't let us sabatoge ourselves!  Make me a part of the solution, not a part of the problem!

June 10:  God teach us to trust in You.  To trust that even when all we can see is all the different things that might go wrong You still have a way for us.  Remove all of our hidden motives -- remove all deception from our lives so that the world sees us living in simple honesty.

June 11:  I feel like I need to keep praying about trust.  God, how much new joy and freedom would there be in my life if I could really learn to trust you?  To trust in your promises.  To trust in your Word.  To trust that You have a plan for my life.  To trust that you are not a passive, distant god that only shows up when someone needs a good smiting -- but that you are an active and loving God that is involved in my life every day.  Every hour.  Every minute.  That when I feel alone You are still with me.  That when I feel afraid You are still with me.  That when I feel overwhelmed You are still with me.  Help me to trust that here in the infinite "now" you are ALWAYS with me.

June 12:  Lord I want to dwell in the shelter of the Most High.  I want You to be my refuge.  I want to trust You more than I trust myself.  When the world tries to drag me down I will cry out to You.  When doubt tries to find its way in I will cry out to You.  When my strength fails me I will remember that You will never fail me.

June 13:  God I spend so much of some days just feeling beaten down and in need of a rest.  Help me to recognize the fights that need fighting and the ones that will come to no good.  Let the last word always be Your Word, not what I want, not what I think that my "rights" demand.  Let me get closer to You today than I was able to yesterday.

June 14:  Lord don't EVER let me agree with the enemy.  If he is quoting scripture to me, it isn't for my benefit.  If he is showing me what I've done wrong, it isn't to cause the kind of brokenness that leads to repentance, it is to try to get me to despair.  If he is showing me a picture of myself, it won't have anything to do with how You see me.  Let me see with Your eyes.  Let me hear with Your ears.  Let me love with Your heart.  What the enemy says means less than nothing.

June 15:  Heavenly Father, help me to let go of the petty grievances that keep me focused on the kingdom of the world.  Help me to forgive, and not just to say it but to really mean it deep within my heart.  Help me recognize that so many of the chains that are holding me down, keeping me from stepping fully into Your kingdom, are VOLUNTARY.  They only have power because I've given them power.  That if I would just let go of the chains they would no longer bind me.

June 16:  God I see so many people that are so weary so much of the time.  Even when we know we aren't getting enough rest we lose even more by worrying about things that are completely outside of our control.  Staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, our minds too tired to think clearly, and the shadows in the room remind us of more problems.  God give us the rest we need.  Let me trust You with the things I cannot control -- I'd probably just mess them up anyways.  Let us take each day and each problem one at a time and know that we won't be overwhelmed because You love us.

June 17:  By my count this is day 30 -- time for the last update to this blog.  I want to thank everyone that has encouraged me and stood by me through this.  Tonight I want to pray for those of us that frequently slip into depression because we are just trying to do too many things and we get overwhelmed.  But we feel like we can't let anything go, because then it wouldn't get done, and it all MUST get done.  God free us from the pride that insists that we do everything ourselves.  Free us from the fear that everything will fall apart if we aren't in control.  Free us from the lie that we can ever really be self-reliant.  Everything we do, every breath we take, every beat of our heart relies on You.  We cannot even exist without You.  When we are overburdened, let us lean on You.  When we set our priorities for the day/month/week/year let it always start with You.