i think it is so important that call upon God to councel people in these situations and that we not run with our own emotions and thoughts. God can speak through us but we must really check ourselves to make sure that it is God and not ourselves. i think that this is impotant in any situation but in this particular senario you are counceling people who are hurting and morning and it must be done in a way that won't do more damage and push people futher away from God. i think that unless we have been there it is very hard for us to grasp what these people are really going through and every situation is different.
i have seen God fearing people that are true believers watch their children die in slow and painful deaths that have that same question "why" all through the trial and even struggle with the "why" years later, and i think to a certain extent it is normal to ask that question. but i do believe that the answer is not black and white in every case. and people need to be encouraged and loved and God will be there to do the rest.
i have seen that those that have tight godly bonds with people who are strong in the Lord have people to pick them up and love them through that time and to lift them up in prayer. i think that this should be our ultimate goal in ministering to people who are mourning a loved one.i think that is more important than answering the why. people sometimes need help praising God and seein the good side when they are hurting and it is our job as brothers and sisters and the light in this world to help them see it. 
that is what i think but i am, like j interested to hear everyone else's view. 

Hey,

Here is my two cents on how we need to answer those who have experienced some kind of loss.

Teach them from the Bible that God doesn't intervene or interfer in every situation. He does sometimes, but usually He does not.

We should have learned that from Adam and Eve. God didn't prevent Eve from choosing the evil thing. Their children: Cain and Able. The parents didn't idolize one son above the other (according to the story), and yet God didn't intervene when Cain killed his brother.  So why then did this happen right from the start?  Why did God allow this to happen? What was the lesson or reason behind it?

Answer: God more often than not, does not interfer or intervene in human affairs. He wants people to get use to this because it has been this way from the beginning. So, in the case of a parent who has lost their child (however they have lost them), we need to love them and tell them the truth. The lesson that God wants people to understand (imho) is, live with wisdom because the days are evil... and I will not always intervene.  R...

R and Clara have wonderful responses. 

I would just like to add that, while the original poster threw out the disclaimer "I'm not trying to be mean", to anyone who has lost a child, it would be hard to take your opinions any other way, but hurtful and mean. 

As Christains we should be loving towards each other and remember to be encouraging.  Telling someone that God allowed thier child to die because of something they did isn't really accomplishing being either loving or encouraging. 

Plus, I think it is pretty presumptuous to claim to know God's plan for someone else's life " I definatly see why God took you child away from you".

I would just ask that in the future you remember that even when your intentions aren't "mean", maybe consider how your comments effect someone who is already hurting and in need of support and love. 

Erin

@ alexei - if that was your intent, then why not just say that to begin with? i understand it is troublesome when your writing is not easily understood by others, though to many it seems like a verbal attack, condemning those that may have set something else other than God as number one. people do make mistakes, and there are consequences for those mistakes, but something Pastor Ron brought up in his message today fits well here. God "allowed" someone's child to die because he doesn't operate in the physical realm, that just happens to be a part of life. He almost always stays in the spiritual realm, and when he does come in to the physical one, that's a miracle.

I also wanted to make a side comment about the reference to Job. Job's situation was entirely different than the one you described. Job was an upright man, praising and fearing God who had given him everything he owned. Satan challenged God that Job would not praise and worship God if those things were taken away. Job never idolized the things he had because if he did, he could not be called an upright man, nor would Satan have needed to challenge God, because as Jesus stated, "No one can serve two masters, because he will either hate the one and love the other, or be loyal to one and despise the other..." (Matt. 6:24) anyway, that was just a side tangent that stuck out at me. i hope it clears things up some about Job's situation.

Many years ago I lost twin brothers in an arson fire. The were what is called "special" children. And they were. I was burned pretty badly when I went back in the house after getting a one year old nephew and eight month old sister out a window for them. I only found one. I later found out he had third degree burns over 90 percent of his body. One died in the home. The other died the next day. I was in the hospital for several weeks.

Because they were special I was like a second father. Because I was the only one in the family who was in church it was I who had started taking them to church. They enjoyed it.

I learned a lot from them. Particularly about innocence. I once saw other children being mean to them, making fun of them during a camping trip. Instead of getting angry like "normal" children they just kept trying to play. They did not understand. Those two precious children were one ot the greatest influences in how I live my life today.

Anyway, not one time have I blamed GOD for their death. I know who caused their death. Who filled the hearts of the offender(s) to commit such an act. It was at this point in my life when spiritual battle quit being a game I played and became an actuality.

As much as I loved those children there was One who loved them far more than me. Who was far more involved in their lives. Who saw their beauty and potential and abilities much clearer than I.

I had a younger sister who had many emotional and mental problems. Near the end of her life she was institutionlized. I visited her at least once a week as her health began to fade. I even arranged a reunion with her children she had not seen in twenty years. When I had contacted her ex he let me talk to the children. I shared about their mother's health. I found out sis was a grandma. My sister was thrilled to find out and to know they were going to come see her. But because of distance and work it took about ten days to make the arrangements. My sister lived seven days. The reunion trip became a trip to bury their mother.

But the nurse who cared for her most often was with her when she died. What she shared was like the closing scene of the old tv show, Touched By An Angel. GOD was present. GOD was real. GOD was faithful. And my sister was finally free.

Why did GOD allow my child to die?
 
The cry of an anguished heart. There is only one person I know who could ever help someone deal with this. But His Father allowed Him to die. I still do not fully understand why.He was so innocent. It was unfair. It was wrong. He did not deserve to die. But He did. He actually chose to die because He knew I would have questions that came from the heart and could only be answered in the heart.

How Many TImes

Her world fell apart and she found herself alone

When the crowd began to gather each person had a stone

Broken by their words her hope began to die

And to this day no one understands why

How many times must one man try

How many times must one man cry

How many times must one man die

And how many times will you walk on by

They were four years old and innocent with so much life to live
When the flames crashed in and took it all no longer can they give
From the darkness there comes laughter while families cry
As from their anguished hearts they want to know why

How many times must one man try
How many times must one man cry
How many times must one man die
And how many times will you walk on by

This man told the truth but they called him a liar

The hurt burned deep it was like wild fire

The meds they tried to give him only made him high
He suffered "needlessy" and no one understood why

How many times must one man try
How many times must one man cry
How many times must one man die
And how many times will you walk on by


.....peace.....