A few hours later she darkend the door way of her youth building.
It was the first time in months she had visited the youth building and she felt at home. She looked all around the room, not much had changed... same old cafe, basketball court and pool tables as always. The room echoed because of it's massive size and each step she took had a haunting echo to it. She walked over to the Keyboard and it was already turned on for her and the mic was up and loud. She sat down and stared at the keys for a few moments. She took a deep breath..."I haven't touched this in months she told herself." The started to play a Gm7 then walked it up to Cm7 and then to A- 1st invertion. She started to hum out some free praise notes. "Oh, halelujah lord.." She started to loose herself in that moment between the chords, the rhythm, dynamic of her free worship and for the first time in months she felt every emotion she had bottled up inside. She broke out in a song titled "The enemy has been defeated" and when the song shifted to the highest intense dynamic she stood up pushing her chair back and started marching in place... she didn't even notice pastor mac come out of his office. Her heart was uplifted and shattered all in the same moment because this point of the song was where all the instruments stopped and let the drums carry it with the vocals. But, there were no drums anymore...no more of his drums...just her voice...some chords and a broken heart. She hit a wrong chord and abruptly stepped away from the keys and started to run towards the bathroom. Pastor Mac, caught her and grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her. She lost it...between the sobbing and trying to breath she said "it's was his part of the song...he's supposed to take it over from there..." Pastor held her tightly and in the realization of how deep her personal hell had become could only respond in a low voice with "I know ....I know...." After a bit she gathered herself together as much as she could..."I'm sorry... I don't think I can do this." Pastor Mac had lived a rough life himself....he knew the struggle of mental warfare and making the choice to move on or become stagnant. "I'm not trying to push you for something you're not ready for...but, you have to come to the realization sooner or later...that this is the way it is." "But, I can't do it without him...he's all that I can think about he's the only thing on my mind when I'm here or doing anything with music." "Gurl...you've shut yourself out from the world far too long... remember, when I told you that if you're ever alone you should watch out...that is when the enemy attacks?" "yes, but, this is to hard." "You need to know what God created You and you alone for...you knew before you met him that you were called to lead worship and minister to the youth...and now you act so lost...and you know it's not what he would have wanted for you." She felt so broken, humbled and weary.... It was time to make a choice....a choice she knew was long over due for making.
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