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Eric
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Funny Bible Verses
4 stars|9 comments|July 16, 2008|4626 reads
 

It began sometime last year as a challenge to myself while reading through the whole Bible.  A friend of mine says he can take any verse of scripture and direct it to the Gospel:  the saving news that Jesus died for our sins to remove the emnity God has for us and allow us to enter into His presence for eternity. If all of scripture is God-breathed, useful for teaching and rebuking, surely every single verse will have value.

I was like, "Really?"  I fed him a few random scriptures, and sure enough, he directed topic straight to the foot of the cross each time.  Amazed, I told him I'd stump him eventually.  So I read the Bible with that in the back of my head.

In my readings, I found a few good ones, but at the moment only one comes to mind:  

31:33 seventy-two thousand cattle,

I can't imagine any preacher in all of history quoting this scripture, can you?  And sure enough, after a few seconds of stumbling, he gave up and we all laughed.

Have you got any random verses like this?

In my travels, I've run across a few other verses that can be taken out of context to mean something completely different and completely funny:

Concerning Santa Claus:

2:6 Ho, ho, come forth, and flee from the land of the north, saith the Lord: for I have spread you abroad as the four winds of the heaven, saith the Lord.

Concerning food fights (or TPing):

5:1 Then I turned, and lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a flying roll.

For overly-friendly young ladies:

13:9 Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself from me. If you take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if you take the right hand, then I will go to the left."

Concerning Christmas trees:

10:3 for the customs of the peoples are false. A tree from the forest is cut down, and worked with an axe by the hands of a craftsman. 10:4 Men deck it with silver and gold; they fasten it with hammer and nails so that it cannot move.

Concerning severe bouts of gas:

4:19 My bowels, my bowels! I am pained at my very heart; my heart maketh a noise in me; I cannot hold my peace, because thou hast heard, O my soul, the sound of the trumpet, the alarm of war.

Scripture to post over leftovers in the fridge you want left alone:

2:21 "Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch"

I hope you enjoyed these as much as I have.  Post your own!

 
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Paul Hospodar
 Paul Hospodar
July 16, 2008
I like these!  Now, when I clicked on this blog, I thought you meant verses that also made you laugh on their own, and I think any time that the apostles basically say in their ways:"No Way.  Can't be done" or "Are you sure, Master?  That's a pretty big request" and Jesus' proves 'em wrong, it makes me think of some sort of sitcom or comedy where these guys just keep getting surprised after being so doubtful.
Hudnall
 Hudnall
July 17, 2008

hehe... I'm so glad ya stumped him!!

Chelby Kitchens
 Chelby Kitchens
July 29, 2008
lol. that's good stuff
Brother Todd
 Brother Todd
July 29, 2008
25:22 So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that [pertain] to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.

That has to be my all time favorite.  It is not mentioned just once either. I would like to a Pastor quote that one from the pulpit!
Kathy
Kathy
August 17, 2008
LOL - When I was living in the dorm at seminary, we all had message boards on our doors, and it was almost an everyday occurrence that someone would walk by and leave a Scripture verse on our boards.  I often left this one just for fun:

16:21b moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.

Jordan
 Jordan
October 13, 2008

lol,,,That's funny...

Eric
 Eric
October 16, 2008

Thanks everyone!  :D

I wrote to my men's small group about our upcoming plans to read the book of Philippians.  The first week is an overview week.  I wrote the following:

Look at the big picture.  Come up with some big questions.  Discuss.  Soak in the Word.  Be fed.  Burp spiritual burps.

Picking up on the burping part, one of the guys wrote back:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
Eric
 Eric
October 26, 2009
First person credited with smoking: 
24:64 And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the Camel.

First mention of a car:

5:12 And [the Apostles] were all with one Accord

 

Tamara Tucker
 Tamara Tucker
October 26, 2009
Numbers 31:33-   I took up the challenge because I too believe that the entirety of scripture points to the Lord Jesus Christ.  Soo...let's begin with the fact that 72 is known as an abundant number (a positive number that can be dividly evenly by any other positive number less than or equal to its value).  I like that it is called abundant because Christ died that we may have life and that life more abundantly.  And...Cattle was the sacrifice offered for vows, a freewill offering and a peace offering.  Whew!  That's good.  Vows- God's promise of a savior.  Freewill-In John 10:15-18, Jesus says he lays down His life for the sheep.  Peace-Isaiah 53:5- ...and the chastisement for our peace was upon Him.   Tell me whatcha' think.