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| The gentle answer |
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15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Such a simple admonition, isn’t it? If someone offends you, do not respond in kind or problems will escalate. So tell me, WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO PUT INTO PRACTICE??? I have known pastors, missionaries, youth leaders, worship leaders, elders, wives of elders and pastors’ wives, church secretaries, and many other people who have known Christ for much of their lives struggle with this simple piece of biblical advice!! Worst of all, I struggle with it!!
JUST when a gentle word is MOST NEEDED, I struggle mightily to give it! Yes, a gentle answer is most needed precisely when it is most difficult to give—in response to an offense of any kind. An authentic and determined kindness at the very moment when an argument is about to break out will avert MUCH pain and suffering for more than just one person!
Some might say, a gentle word is actually most needed when someone is discouraged or grieved, and in need of consoling. However I’ve often seen a wordless look of sympathy, hug, or perhaps only the soft touch of a hand prove just as effective, if not more so, at cheering someone up.
Recently my resolve has grown to respond to every situation with a gentle answer (spoken, and yes, even typed). Gentle speech, by its nature, is soothing, having its effect over time, like a massage, or soaking in a tub. If someone is already worked up, what better salve than a gentle answer, spoken through me by the Holy Spirit?
Unfortunately I’ve found that it only takes one slip, and an impulsively delivered harsh word or two at the wrong time can offset months or years of efforts! Harsh words cause an acute pain that can be similar to that of being stabbed with a knife or stung by a bee. The damage is instant and painful, potentially catastrophic, and healing can take an extremely long time, if at all!
The odds are seriously stacked against me, against ALL of us, given the stakes, and given how difficult it is to tame the tongue (James 3:8). But my determination to offer up only gentle words, especially when they are most needed, has never been greater.
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| To add a comment to "The gentle answer" |
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| July 16, 2008 |
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| Wow thats a powerful...but timely word...I have personally experienced this recently and it is hard to make that 'gentle answer' come out. Just today, my Pastor and I was talking about the same thing...so I know what you are saying is confirmation. He was saying that if we respond with harshness after someone is offended, when they get revelation of what the truth is and God begins to heal them, if we have spoken harshly as well...we close the door to them coming back and us being able to minister to them in love and help in the process of them healing. Thanks for this timely word....Amen and Amen!!! |
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| July 16, 2008 |
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| Mike... what awesome timing this post is. I will have my daughter read it. We were just having this conversation. Someone had responded to me in a harsh way, she thought, and she couldnt understand why I didnt let him "have it". Her precise words were" how can you do that? How can you sound so kind when you should be soooo mad? I just dont get you mom" Haha it was a very fruitful conversation. Thank you Mike for your wise and timely words. Peace to you brother. =0) |
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| July 16, 2008 |
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| ohhh btw I was sooooo mad but I'm glad no one saw it. I did have some explaning to do to God though...so like you I struggle too. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Awww I am in the same boat Mike!
I am known for letting people have it. Telling them "How it really is" I struggle and am maturing in this area. At the end of the day I should know better, that even if I do not defend myself that God is my defender and in the business of bringing things to light in His timing and His way.
I am trying to see the positive in everything and everyone. Jesus never condemned sinners and everyone I know is a sinner saved so I should stick to the program Heal, Encourage, Save the time for Judging has not come and I am no one to judge (thats my problem I dont know if thats yours) why someone is wrong or why they need to stop certain things I think they shouldn't do Who the heck do I think I am? That's what frustrates me. That I have a bent towards feeling that. I am retraining myself.
I think the more that I have to eat humble pie and apologize the more I will recognize when I am getting a "Hot Head" and stop the harsh words before they come out and cut/kill someone. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Ooh Amy, I think you said a key word, "humble". Perhaps when we let folks have it, one of the reasons is a high opinion of ourselves? I've thought for some time now that I'm a pretty humble guy, but maybe I'm learning about some deeper traits? Thanks for identifying w/me Amy, it takes some of the pain of falling short away when you know you aren't the only one working on it. :-)
Robin, I'm really glad to here that. Your daughter is "seeing" Jesus in you! (And you knew I wrote this blog just for you, didn't you?)
Or did I write it for you, Tania? Glad this was timely, sister! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Mike, this is one of them blogs that steps on all my toes. My brain comes up with so many good "combacks" and witty remarks, that I almost feel bad for not sayin em. But yer right, that ain't how Jesus would act so that means it ain't right. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Yes, "Soft answers will turn away wrath" over the years I have gotten better at this but I am still a work in progress. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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even boldness can be spoken with love and does not have the "harsh" effect.
Constant fine tuning! It is a never ending process
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| July 17, 2008 |
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MP, great to hear from you again, it has been a while! Too long if you ask me. I'll bet Jesus had a pretty good sense of humor, I mean, he loved kids, plus Paul lists joy 2nd among the fruits of the Spirit, so Jesus must have been a pretty jovial guy. I'd venture as long as your comebacks aren't put-downs, Jesus would say go for it!
Keith, Bubbles and Pastor Tim, thanks -- again glad I have company! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Thanks Mike. I agree with Bubbles : "constant fine tuning"! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| I do well with some......but it's those "not some" that I need to work on, LOL.......I'm a blunt upfront person and can get in your face quickly..........and there are areas of discussion that spark me off too. geeeeeeeeeeeee, and I woke up feeling good today :( |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Sorry Cindy!!!! lol ...Thanks, looks like we're in this together. Don't forget this message, and neither will I. Ok?
Amen revstarr, so do I. Though this "fine tuning" can be painful!! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Mike: ok!!!!!! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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GOD IS GENTLE & HUMBLE IN HEART: We should be like Him.
Matt 11:29-30
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, andYOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
NASU
Yet "Humility is NOT Timidity!" We should be "men (and women) of steel & velvet" - I have heard the expression "a velvet hammer!" -"TTP" 2 Tim 1:7
7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Ps 12:5 5 "For the oppression of the poor, for the sighing of the needy,
Now I will arise," says the Lord;
"I will set him in the safety for which he yearns."
2 Cor 3:18
18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.
NKJV
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Cathy, noooooo, I can't believe that. lol =) ...Trust me, I need this as much as you.
Tonya, thank you for your comment, I really appreciate how you link scriptures together. Our friend Todd does that too, except by memory! And the gentle answer is not necessarily the timid answer either. But I don't think the writer was addressing ALL situations with this proverb either. I would guess Jesus wasn't always particularly gentle when answering the Pharisees. Though he was gentle in his responses to the Sanhedrin, Pilate, and the Roman soldiers. Isn't love always carefully measured?
Tam, our children are giving us fits too. Lord help us! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Thanks Elizabeth... a wonderful comment you've blessed me, and all of us, with. Thank you!! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| There are not enough stars in the world for this one!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| So true and a lot of wisdom there. I think the reason we don't return a soft answer is because of our pride has been wounded. The Lord convicted me of that, feeling anger and resentment towards someone, and the thought occured to me "A dead man doesn't have feelings." If I am dead to self it doesn't matter what anyone says to me, for I am crucified with Christ, yet I live, but it is Christ in me. Ole Todd is dead, (would like to make a comeback) but if I remain dead to self I don't have to snap back or be mean and ugly. The fruit of the Spirit will be made manifest, one is "Gentleness." Great reminder Mike! You are a good man! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Mike, I always perceive you as a gentle man of kind words. You are a blessing. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Amen, brother. When you said "measure" I though of salt!
Col 4:5-6
6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
NKJV
Wow.... Is Todd a friend on MyChurch? |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Tonya, silly me, I forgot to link the name to his profile. There! Kathy, that is encouraging, thank you. That Christ in me comes through some of the time!! Bro Todd, I think you just hit the jackpot. PRIDE! That hurts. And here I thought I was beyond that. My struggle with words proves that even when I'm living by the Spirit, pride lies dormant, like a dragon sleeping in a cave, or a volcano waiting to erupt!! Well, maybe I'm not quite that bad.... But to realize that I continue to hurt, sadden, disappoint those I love with my words, even offending a stranger here and there... Like Bubbles said, "constant fine tuning" is needed. And I give all the credit for progress thus far to the Spirit. Thanks Angela, I'm very glad you found reading this profitable! :-) |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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" So tell me, WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO PUT INTO PRACTICE??? "
What comes to mind is... we react, because we are not walking in love... we don't feel loved, we take things too personally... we react before we respond... we are being given the opportunity to have the fruits of the Spirit developed within us... which are the fruits of love... (beginning with self control)
13:1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, (love) I am become [as] sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 13:2 And though I have [the gift of] prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. 13:3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed [the poor], and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. 13:4 Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 13:6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 13:7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 13:8 Charity never faileth: but whether [there be] prophecies, they shall fail; whether [there be] tongues, they shall cease; whether [there be] knowledge, it shall vanish away. 13:9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 13:10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these [is] charity. 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Thanks Mike for the redirect: Brother Todd! I just read his comment.... Well done!!!!!!! You are right on. That old "flesh man" or flesh woman" is constantly competing with the Spirit for the throne of our heart. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Imagine how hard it would be if Yeshua didn't live in us? |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Amber, we all LOVE gentle words don't we? Well, at least we prefer them over harsh ones! Hmm, you talk like you are from Canada, but your profile says Outlying Islands. Which one!? Shannon, you are not alone. In fact, my struggles multiply after a long day at work and I'm feeling weary. I'm sure God understands, but it's still not a valid excuse to hurt someone.... ps...Hope you get that vacation you (and everyone else) wants/needs. :-)
You're welcome Tonya Bren, "react" is a great word for it. Harsh words don't usually have much thought behind them, do they? That's part of the problem! But funny (sad) thing is, I can be walking in love, or at least think I am, and suddenly the offense occurs and I'm speaking harshly. ugh |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Dave...then it would be next to impossible. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Sometimes... loving firmness is needed to help someone get out of a ditch.
The eyes of a sincere person speak to me. Give me a trillion hugs and I'll return them!
Mike.. all I've ever noticed you doin' is puttin your foot in your mouth, honey! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| lol -- putting my foot in my mouth? Are you being lovingly firm w/me Joey? (I'm sure I NEED it!) |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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I hear ya mike... but bless You Lord... such awareness, gives us the opportunity to have the fruits of the Spirit developed within us... Seeing the contrast can convict us and can cause us to want to change... and when we finally are changed (a miracle) ... HE gets ALL the glory... (the struggle to change ourselves proves to us our need for more of HIS overcoming power) Bless You Lord for conviction and more... BUT.... sometimes we are changed are dont' even know it:
Before I was a born of the Holy Ghost, I cursed as a norm... was unaware of it, because everyone around me did so and I saw nothing wrong with it... when I was born anew, it stopped and everyone would say to me, wow you have changed alot, what happened?... and in the beginning I'd shyly say, 'really, how have I changed?'... and one thing they'd say is 'you use to curse like a sailor'... and I remember saying/thinking "I cursed???" It was then I was given an opportunity to give a testimony of HIS overcoming power....how His Spirit convicted me, bringing me to repentance and........................................................... \o/ |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Why is it a harsh retort comes quickly, but a soothing answer takes thought?? |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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As we get older, and with wisdom, I think that this will come automaticly. God has those words we need to say right on the tips of our lips. We need to be silent first, then SPEAK as the Holy Spirit Directs. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Mike,
This is one of the reasons why I love you so much. :) God Bless you both. It is such a shame you guys live so far away! |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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Patti...that sounds like wisdom! Don't try to speak the right words, but try to remain in the Spirit in those times of offense. I'm tryin!
Debora, the house I told you about has a contract on it now. :-(
Shirley - ouch! Natural man, sin nature. Lying in wait, ready to be released! Sometimes it's a dogfight, sis.
Bren, I'll bet you have such a great witness, a great testimony. You mentioned the second great revelation today, "the struggle to change ourselves proves to us our need for more of HIS overcoming power". By his power, not mine. |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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In an ironic twist, because of conviction this angers me. And now since I can't follow what I just said, I think it's time to head off to bed. So much for not going to bed angry. ;) |
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| July 17, 2008 |
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| Enjoyed the read my young friend. |
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| July 18, 2008 |
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Mike - I know that awful feeling of being on the receiving end of harsh words and I also know that I have 'counter-attacked' and dished out my fair share back. I think I feel worse with the latter.
I'll be trying too.
Thanks for this blog. |
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| July 18, 2008 |
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| a much needed reminder many thanks.... |
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| July 18, 2008 |
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Hey Mike great blog, fantastic comments, but what helps me is: 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
I've prayed many a prayer along these lines to help curb my sharp tongue.
Even to the point of asking the Lord to confuse my reasoning to not even realise when a sharp word was meant for me, and The Lord has answered so at times I realise much later "I wonder if they were trying to hurt me with their words" and they are not there for me to respond in kind.
James and Paul, and all the other "saints" in the kingdom share in some way or another this problem and with Jesus, we can overcome! PTL
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| July 19, 2008 |
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| Tom, that's a great one, thanks. Perhaps even the other half of the puzzle. In the words of the great philosopher, known as Thumper's dad, "If ya don't have somethin nice to say, don't say nuthin at all!" :-) |
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| July 23, 2008 |
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| You're a blessing brother...you make God smile!
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| July 23, 2008 |
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As someone who simply thinks along different lines to most people, I am sometimes greeted with offensive language, false accusations and vitriole. Sometimes, because I feel compelled to challenge people to think, they seem to assume that I believe the opposite to what I do.
I have had a long journey from a place of spiritual confusion to rest in Christ. When I was in graduate theology school I used to give my professors a really hard time. At one particular Bible College, a professor even rolled his eyes whenever I spoke. I was highly offended and quit that Bible College after taking only one class and never went back.
At a different Bible College, even though I was a tough student, my professors were mostly very patient and kind, giving me soft and gently challenging replies. It was there that I learned the grace of Christ, by seeing it in action. That was the Carolina Evangelical Divinity School. The other school will remain anonymous. |
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| July 23, 2008 |
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Thanks Cher! :)
Grant, having read many posts of yours, I can't understand why anyone would take offense. Unless they have a problem with truth, which you seem very careful to present faithfully. |
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| July 23, 2008 |
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| ps... I took a look at that link you posted, Grant. Boy is that an expensive education! |
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| July 23, 2008 |
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| Expensive? Yes. Worth it? To my journey, yes! |
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| July 24, 2008 |
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| Part of me would love to dive into something like that. But overall, it seems that would be like starting a whole new life. Man, if that was God's will for us, he would have to make it ABUNDANTLY clear, no subtle hints will do! :-) |
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| July 25, 2008 |
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| I have had to learn to do this. I don't think, as humans, that it comes naturally for us. We just naturally want to get mad at someone or speak harshly to them, perhaps because it makes us feel more in control. But things usually escalate out of control if I lose my temper, and it would have been better in the long run to just say something nice, or say nothing at all. Great blog Mike! |
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| July 28, 2008 |
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This is the Word that we can apply to our lives in a positive way. Thank you! |
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| July 28, 2008 |
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| amen Mike, sure wish I read this before I went on vacation!. Just got back last night, and you might say there were a few situations with the kids, that I could have put that into practice. Your certainly right, the odds are against us, but we never know how strong we really are until are test, and temperment are tested. Great word - GOd bless |
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| July 28, 2008 |
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| Great word Mike, I'm still in the process of being tuned up. This is an area of struggle for me as I was raised to speak my mind...well, I have learned that speaking my mind is not always the best representation of who I am in Christ. I've gotten many a sore tongue and have spent lots of time repenting for answers that came too hastily. Our walk is not easy and the road is always loaded with temptation to answer unkindnesses with harshness. Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement! God bless you! |
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| July 28, 2008 |
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Welcome back, Tammy! Thanks April and Prudence. Pru (and Tam), I thought that I had been farther along than I really am, so this wasn't the easiest blog to write. |
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| July 28, 2008 |
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James 3:8
But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
I've been praying lately that the body of Christ will not have to suffer 'mans inhumanity to man' and I think verbal abuse can be one of the cruelest forms of abuse. Maybe that's why God chose speaking in another tongue as the initial evidence of the infilling of the Holy Spirit, to show us that now He is in control. |
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| July 28, 2008 |
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Liza, now THAT'S an original thought!! (At least, I've never heard it before!)
"Maybe that's why God chose speaking in another tongue as the initial evidence of the infilling of the Holy Spirit" ......wow, interesting! |
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