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Wow, What a year this has been. I asked God for a change in me at the beginning of 2008. I had NO idea what I was in for, let me name a few.
*Was told before I left for Kansas right before Christmas Eve, I am not happy being married to You
*Layoff in January
*Pregnant in February
*Miscarraiage on Ash Wednesday
*Started drinking and cutting again
*Took the blame for a sweet daughter who admitted herself into the psych ward
*Fought terribly with Hubby, even about how the stinkin furniture should go
*Hubby travelled for the first three months of the year
*Didn't have a date with my husband for at least four months.
*Tried so fervantly to help a daughter stay in school and Keep a job.
*Watched painfully as she dropped out and got pregnant
*Got caught driving while on a restricted license only work days not weekends 6 days before it ended
*Almost cut off my leg with the chain saw, rather cut down trees, than chop of heads of teens
*Had many painful Bipolar manic episodes, Easter was heck, but I was preg & didn't take my meds
*Had to try and referee many horrible fights between the kids
*Prayed and fasted, hoped God would take care of it all
*Severance ran out in April.
*Went on unemployment in April
*Went to church every Sunday even if it meant either with my biological daughter all alone
*Tried to secretly tithe, hubby didn't attend, and offered to my MS friends, Kenya Friends, and Evangelistic friends, and so wanted to help my churches mission in India, but Hubby was mad about me spending too much of my savings (please friends don't think that I am asking for help, I am fine, I love to joyfully give to friends and bums on the streets as I drive by)
*Separated from my husband who I loved so dearly, and we vowed divorce was NOT an option.
*Had very few, only two interviews since
*Had another REALLY bad manic episode, in which I almost lost my life
*My daughter couldn't handle the mania, so she moved out to Grandma & Grandpas
Yeah I prayed for it on New Years Eve, I just didn't know what you had in mind. Not that I am complaining Lord. It has been a Year of Change, Lord, Ok I give. WHAT is it that you want me to do, now? Remember when, Lord, I said I don't want to be an accountant anymore, I want to evangelize or be a missionary. You taught me that You needed Bean Counters too. I ministered to Mormans, unbelievers, and encouraged others when they were down in their walks with You. I have had very little luck in the job process, trying to keep my faith.
I wonder do you want me to work with the homeless at my new church? Do you want me to work with the drug addicts in downtown Durham? Do you want me to do the same in the slums of Philly, or Cincinatti, or New York? Do you want me to go to Kenya, the Gaza strip, or India or Guatelmala, you know they are all on my heart. Do you want me to look for a job on the beach at Wilmington, or in Florida, that would be too cool, you know I have connections there. Do you want me to Move to a metropolis when I get a job. You know my girl may not come home for a year. What and where is it you want me to be LORD? You know I only want to serve You, Lord.
5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, and strengthen you.
I will pray and fast, those at my church are praying for direction. I know You are trying me by the fires and tribulations, and molding me. I am your clay. Use me as you will. See you taught me this:
1:2 Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, 1:3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 1:4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
and then you taught me this in my blog titled Eureka:
12:9 but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Anyway, my dear MyChurch friends. Pray for me, that I can actually sit long enough to hear Him. Pray that I am not manic and do not hear Him wrongly. I know I have to hear Him twice or three times. I don't want to be a Jonah. We all know what happened to him, big storms, and big fish.
Thanks Friends I appreciate it all and if by chance you have an opening, I am open to move anywhere at this time. I only have another month on my lease and don't have to renew it for another three months till then.
Bless you all
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You have already been a Jonah, in my opinion. I am sorry for all that you and your family have gone thru. I will pray for you as well.
Delle |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 6:08am |
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| Thanks Delle sometimes the fire or molding is tough, but I am taught that His Grace is sufficent. |
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| praying for you!!!!! Love ya!!!!! |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 6:11am |
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| Thanks Cindy Lou I knew I could count on you and many others. Love ya too. |
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I see you doing a lot of struggling trying to keep things together. These manic episodes appear to derive from the frustration of not being able to achieve the things you wanted to accomplish. Have you considered the possibility that you may be striving against the Lord? I used to do the same thing Becky, years ago. What I did was blame myself for not being a good husband or a good father and so on and so forth. My prayers were prayers of unbelief. Without faith it is impossible to please God. So I had to shift the focus of my prayers from unbelief to faith. Faith sees things the way they should be, not the way they appear. If you are still weeping about situations turn that weeping into rejoicing or else you will not be any good for yourself or anyone else. I'm going to pray for you right now. Abba Father in the name of Jesus. I pray for this one, your dear child to let go of all the pain and anguish of past failures. I pray that Becky can just stop and just sit still long enough to hear your voice. Lord speak to the storms in her life and allow for a peace and a clam to settle over Becky so that she can see you in the midst of the storm. Help her out of the miry clay and set her feet upon the rock so that she can focus more on what you see rather than on what her situations dictate to her. Thank you Lord for listening. In the name of Jesus Amen. Stand still Becky and see the Salvation of the Lord. Shalom |
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Will keep you in my prayers Becky. We are all going through the fire and we just have to keep on pushing till we get to the other side. He has not forsaken you(remember that).
Much Love |
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| Many here have laughed with you and cried with you in the last year or so, Becky. Of course the prayers will continue, they never stopped. You are loved by many, sweet sister. Just keep Jesus at the center of it all. God bless! |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 6:45am |
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Wow Could not get that verse in there. Guess I need to really learn that one.
Prophet I know all too well that the mania has had something to do with it, and that God has saved me from much. Yes I only wanted to be a proverbs 31 woman. Yep shifted prayers. Stood up in my spirit instead of the body and mind.
I really just need to be calm enough in my craziness of everything and fears and emotions, to actually hear God.
Mary Thanks. Boy do I know many who are going through struggles out here just to name a few: there is Rebecca, Bubbles, Suga, Doyle, Stu, Lucky One, Andrey, Ya Ya, and many more I have probably just forgot to mention or dont know yet. But like you said you just keep pushin on and pushin on, until the great race is done. I know, He hasn't forsaken me, just trying out my faith muscles.
I love you too
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 6:48am |
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Mike- I know you have put me on many prayer lists, called my pastors wife in fear for me, and prayed fervently. For that I am truly Greatful. I probably would have done something stupid if it hadn't have been for my praying MyChurch friends. How many of you remember the 7 of 9 manic episode. I have yet to read Pastor Aminatas message to me after that, I know it was in love, but I know she shoots straight from the hip too, but I love her soooo much.
Love you both much, Blessing to yours always |
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Becky, I believe you will clearly hear God's direction. I pray for peace for your mind and emotions. Remember.........sometimes He reveals our pathway one step at a time.
God Bless You......... |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 6:54am |
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You know, I really love cooking and baking for the homeless lunches at my new church. Last Friday we fed 70 people and some came to know Christ. But I got to tell you this, the cook really makes huge messes, and I believe the maid has gone on strike or is MIA. See I play lots of pool lately with my drug dealers I am trying to minister too. And been churchin it up a lot lately, with my 7th day Adventist friends on Saturday, two services. Then on Sunday sometimes two services, one at my old, and one at my new. Gas prices are irrelevant.
But I tell you this, both the cook and the maid better get it together before they get fired.
Oh and then there is the issues with the chauffeur, see he a mailbox jumped out at him as he was driving my new car. Then a week ago on Friday of the vacation bible classes for Adults it jumped out at him again. Where did my homemade chocolate cake go? Right on the passenger floorboard. He didn't clean it up for a week. The nerve of some peoples kids. |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 6:55am |
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Paul, Thanks I pray for peace of mind, not very often though.. to busy jammin to my rock and mash christian music. ARGH one step at a time... I am impatient and ADHD too!
Oh BTW I forgot to mention my dear friend Cheryl, who has had longer sufferings than I could ever imagine. |
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Wow, tears are in my eyes right now.
I am so blessed and being ministered to by your incredible faith throughout all of the hardships you have faced this year.
You are truly an inspiration and a shining example of a true Christian.
We all will go through many storms, and have to face many trials. But you remind me of who we are supposed to look to so we can get through the really hard times.
My heart hurts for you, I will most definitly be praying for you.
I dont understand why you are going through so much, but all I know is that He is the only place we can go to find healing.
God be with you.
-charity |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 7:00am |
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Charity - Dont Cry. Be joyous. These are the best times. God is changing me and giving me patience and persiverance. He is a good and loving God and we should praise Him through it all. Good times are a coming I know it! He is a Great Big God who moves mountains, and heals all. I have the faith of a bowling ball.
I am encouraged that you found blessings in my trials, I am just getting to the point I am starting to laugh at it all.
Bless you all too |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 7:08am |
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Oh yeah,
And then there is the issues with my Hairstylist at Salon at Rebecca's. See she died my hair, and expected me to clean her sink. She said she was too busy surfing the net. I couldnt believe it. See I was trying to look O so fly for my new rock and potential guy. He writes the poems to me.
I then asked for her to do my eyebrows as they were getting quite bushy. She said, get this, are you ready... Unibrows are in these days. ARGH
Then I asked for a manicure, She said listen lady I am way too busy bloggin to make you look that good. I said, remember that vacation at the beach for a week, with your girl when you got locked up? You better get busy, or no more vacations. Cause I am seriously thinkin of cutting your tips off.
So she reluctantly got off the computer, and did them.
Then I asked for a pedicure, cause I had ho toes. She said, listen lady, I don't like giving them to you because you are always reading that Book, the Bible, and you are over there praying out loud and saying Halelujah out loud along with Praise Jesus when you soak.
I reminded her who her best customer was and she said, ok but it is only going to be a partial one just the painting because I really have to go to lunch.
I only gave her a 10% tip this time just to show her who is boss. She better get it straight or I might just evangelize to her too. |
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Becky,
God has released us to do whatever we want, as long as it follows HIS commands. He has said that whatever we put our hand to, He will prosper it. We just need to use wisdom. If you enjoy the social work market, then pursue it. The pay is not the greatest, but if it brings you joy, then do it. If you want to be an Executive Assistant, then do it. Do what makes you happy. You have skills and gifts that you can flourish in. You have love, as He commanded. So do what you want. :0 What? I know I know! Listen, I have learned that we can get so entangled in wanting to know what HE wants us to do...that we do NOTHING b/c we are waiting. This is wrong thinking. He has said, go DO first, then the plan will open up. He is not leaving us to fate! He has placed desires in your heart! Now follow them! Just remember to use discernment. The Kingdom of God is this: Righteousness, Peace, & Joy. If your path leads to these things, then you are in HIS will. If your path leads to the works of the flesh..See Gal.5 ..then do not go down that path.
I know you will make the right decision. LOVE YOU! |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 7:32am |
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WOW Praise the Lord! I have a job interview tomorrow at 3:30 it is at Pentair. They make pool filter motors and heaters. I would love to get a discount for my soon to be ex hubby.
He is such an honorable man, he paid to fix my car when this mailbox just jumped out and hit my car. Really it did, like medians, and deer have done in the past. He paid $500 to fix it and he didn't have it to give. He has made my car payments, given me gas, paid for our cell phones and sometimes helped me with my credit cards.
I would love to get a discounted heater for him, our old one where he lives went on the fritz. Plus the job is only 7 miles away, major gas saver. But I am calling today on another job I really want, it is for Soffe, you know the shorts, t-shirts, sweats, sports gear and the brand name junk food. Just ask any teenage girl they will say yeah I know those brands. I would love for them to give me a second look. It would be a great opportunity. So much to evangelize in Fayetteville and Spring Lake too. Even with the rising gas prices.
GOD is sooooo Good. |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 7:47am |
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Oh my dear Barbuvela How I love you so, you taught me to stand in the spirit when I couldn't even get out of bed. Yes I love service work. Going to the church to feed the homeless soon. Hope my homeade chocolate cake finishes cooling soon so I won't be too late.
I know all to well do and wait. Be righteous and wait. Pray and fast. It is the be still and listen that I have a hard time with. God made me with two ears and one mouth, why cant I use them as they were intended to be used?
Oh yeah my new friend, a man, who gave me hope in the male species that they could follow the Lord oh so righteously. And btw, my soon to be ex hubby, is very happy for me, he said I truly deserved happiness. See James made me read Galations 5 after I spent one more day at the beach, after I got out of the looney bin. I spent time on the beach looking at a glorious full moon on the dark waters hoping my sins would go out and drown as deep as the deepest parts of the see, being at my own pity party, not inviting anyone but him who gave me scriptures and poems of encouragement. I weathered the storms on the beach and believed my sins were washed once again. Then in the morning I went to see the rising sun...saw it coming but a storm came. Then saw a peek of the sun as it was storming hard and i was driving on a long bridge, almost wrecked trying to take yet another picture to send to James. Then wouldn't you know it, God gave me a rainbow.
God is soooo good and faithful |
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Mrs W |
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July 21, 2008 at 8:35am |
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B- I am exhausted just trying to get to the end of this - Geez Louize!
I felt like I just ran the 1000 meter whatever - China Wall Run!
Can we slow down? Do you see in the Bible when God really spoke to people?
Moses in the desert alone - it is pretty quiet in the Sinai desert.
David - while keeping his sheep
In prison cells -- umm Bubbles' Scott.
Paul the backside of Arabian desert
Jesus would get alone and pray in the night.
There has to be a "shutting" down sweetie --
a blank paper --- a '"listening"
A wise man once said to me, "Mary, the only way you will miss Heaven is if you run right by it!"
I wasn't bipolar.
We get so excited so thrilled at being "in the field" we almost become addicted to it! And when it is time to shut down, we can't. This is not good.
You need THE plan - His plan.
Your first ministry is to Him, then to your child -- and then to mankind.
The needs of this dying race will become more and more - and we have to be "honed" up to hear what we need to do and to who.
Quiet times -- of training
(1Co 9:25) Now every athlete who goes into training conducts himself temperately and restricts himself in all things. They do it to win a wreath that will soon wither, but we [do it to receive a crown of eternal blessedness] that cannot wither. (1Co 9:26) Therefore I do not run uncertainly (without definite aim). I do not box like one beating the air and striking without an adversary. (1Co 9:27) But [like a boxer] I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel and things pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit].
The verse where he says he buffets his body-- that is you making yourself quiet. Quiet doesn't mean you don't serve or reach out to people and ignore them.
Quiet is a time set apart - so you can go be effective to the people you reach out TO.
(Mar 1:35) And in the morning, long before daylight, He got up and went out to a deserted place, and there He prayed.
The next verse says the disciples were chasing and hunting Him down .... busy busy busy.
So if HE needs this time --- how about us?
It is kind of like on the airlines -- the flight attendant says if you are traveling with a child, put the air mask on yourself first --- remember? I got offended at that - my child comes first.
But if there arises a need for air - If my child has air he can't save me - he will be the only one with air and will eventually be hurt because there is no one to care for him;
but I can save and help him ---"if I have air"
You, Lord are the air I breathe!
I love you lots and lots -- and we need you -- we need a million more like you --
And your child - she is so beautiful and I bet she is intelligent and gifted.
What a blessing!
Just pray about this ---- umm, quietly as you can ---- let Him "bring" revelation to you ---
I am praying for you -
from my heart ----
MUAH |
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Praise the Lord for every trail, for it is in the trail that you grow. God will bring all of us to the place of breaking, for He would have us to realize that above everything and everyone we only truly need Him. God, wants to see us on His pottery wheel so He can mold and make us into what He would have us to be. I know for I have been there and I know that above all God will bring us through all things, for the devil may mean bad for us, However; God will turn it around to the good and bring us higher than ever before. I pray that just as Job walked through and received greater things that you too, will receive greater than you ever had before. May God be with you and strengthen you through it all. God Bless, Linda |
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Lord your Mercy is new every morning Prayer, how do I pray Lord, how do I ask for anything else for you have already done it all for me. How Lord do I ask you to touch my sons, daughter-in-laws, ex-daughter-in-laws, grandchildren, step children, and so on; when just like me, you have already done so much for them. How do I ask for Your Mercy once again. From the Amplified Bible: Lamentations 3: 19 thru 24: [O Lord] remember [earnestly] my affliction and my misery, my wandering and my outcast state, the wormwood and the gall. My soul has them continually in remembrance and is bowed down within me. But this I recall and therefore have I hope and expectation; it is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, becuase His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithrulness. The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him. O Lord, it is because of the promises of Your Word that I know I have hope for tomorrow and that it is Your faithfulness which prevents this world of iniquity from being cast into the lake of fire before its time. Lord, Your promises are to all of us is found in Your Word. We must believe only believe and Salvation is ours. Lord, for all of these reasons I am asking for Your Mercy to be poured out Upon me and my family, friends, and lost of this world that we might seek after You and when we find You that we would hold on for dear life. Lord, Eternity is for all of us, for each of us will live forever in eternity, it is left up to us where we spend eternity. Lord, may Your Mercy be poured out upon this lost and dying world. I love You, Lord. I thank You God for You do not just forgive You also forget because of the blood of Jesus, we can receive forgiveness. Lord help each of us to Forgive the way You do. Help each of us to realize that when we say, "I can forgive but I won't forget;" that this is not how You forgive. Lord, Your Word says if we do not forgive that You will not forgive us, so Lord help each of us to learn to forgive as You do and to walk in that forgiveness. Lord let thy Mercy be poured out yet again. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen and Amen, so be it Lord. |
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Glenn |
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July 21, 2008 at 10:36am |
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| Becky continuing to pray for you. God bless you with His peace. |
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Robin |
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July 21, 2008 at 2:12pm |
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Becky,
I am praying for you. You hear the voice of the Lord clearly and your know what to do. Praise God for the job interview. You are very special in the eyes of the Lord and your friends here on my church. |
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All this and God still calls you a champion, more than a conqueror and royalty (and so do I)
My prayers are going up for you! |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 8:04pm |
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Mrs W.
I am soooo ashamed that I forgot Bubbles and Scott. Many trials and tribulations and they came through so glorious. I prayed for them, read the letters as they came by, and just cried for their pain.
Also there is Steve. He is mourning his mom...
Wow, shamefully if I think about it enough I am sure I could come up with many more. I am really not on yet another pity party, but just strugglin once again to hold on.
Now as far as the be still and listen part. Well for me it is just going to take time. Most of the time it is in the shower or tub.
I am bipolar right now period. That is me. Now over time can I do better in not having any episodes only arount the cahnge of seasons. Yes I do believe that. The only time I was ever able to do that was when I was biking a 100 miles a week and walking 20 or more. Today I played 5 hours of tennis, 1 hour of bball, 1 hour of pool, and keeping the vegitarian diet.
The scary part is Mary, My manic swings can get REALLY scary when I am on them. There was so much more to the 7 of 9 story that you all didn't know. Yes I am really excited and high on the Holy Spirit right now, is that really a bad thing? hmm
I know this too will come in time, just like the baptism in the holy spirit. So I will continue to wait, and pray. I will TRY to sit still and listen. ARGH
You are so very special to me, another mom, better than the one I had and my now step mom, although I love them both dearly
I know you pray for me, and it is always appreciated.
I love you too much, and blessings
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 8:05pm |
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| Linda What a beautiful prayer. I love it will be using it. Blessing and Love to you! |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 8:06pm |
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| Missions and Grammie Sorry I missed you. Thanks for stopping by and the prayers |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 8:09pm |
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Glenn - Thanks for the prayers. Much appreciated.
Robin such a sweet lady. Blessing on you too. I do appreciage the prayers.
Victorious Thanks for the prayers. Also really love this a Champion. I wanna be a champion
Woman of Laughter Thanks for your prayers. Blessings |
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Kathy |
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July 21, 2008 at 8:25pm |
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| Wow, Becky . . . a prayer and a hug |
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Becky |
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July 21, 2008 at 8:31pm |
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Thanks Kathy you are always doing that... praying for me and hugging on me even from only 3 hours away... You have long arms. Ha.
I love you |
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| OK....I have had the weirdest past two years of my life so far............I too had asked God for a change when I recommitted myself to the Lord and oh how its true to be careful what u pray for.....I have a list that no one would even believe about what I have went through these past couple of year..BUT just remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel and God has to allow us to go through certain things so he can mold and shape us! Keep the faith God Bless! |
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Becky |
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July 22, 2008 at 2:12am |
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| GodsGily8 I have missed you so much. Yes sister, thanks for the encouragement. We can keep the faith together. |
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Have you ever considered that maybe God doesnt want you to "go" anywhere. Maybe he wants you to finish whats on you rplate before he lets you up from the table...
Just a thought.. we will pray for you AND your family. God can heal all things, even children and hubby's and wives who aren't perfect. |
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Have you ever considered that maybe God doesnt want you to "go" anywhere. Maybe he wants you to finish whats on you rplate before he lets you up from the table...
Just a thought.. we will pray for you AND your family. God can heal all things, even children and hubby's and wives who aren't perfect. |
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Gloryw |
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July 23, 2008 at 11:51am |
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Becky, I am praying for you and believing for total healing, never to return. I just watched this video that was sent to me and I thought of you all the way through, especially when Pat King prayed. This is the website. There are several video's but the one that I am talking about is a pastor who was healed. Pastor Healed
The Lord loves you and your family and He is working on your behalf. |
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| I love you Becky..and God is more than able to meet your needs! He is amazing! and the devil is bad! |
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Becky |
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July 25, 2008 at 1:30pm |
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Christeena No I haven't considered that concept.... it is so foreign to me... stay and finish... stay put. LISTEN to ME as I am GOD... ARGH... Will I ever get this right
Glory W - Thanks for the prayers... Thanks for the video it was awesome. I know God is going to do great things in my life it is just the waiting that stinks like my dogs farts. You know?
Ultra Violet I love you too. you are so special to me... Yeah I know... His grace is sufficient. I should never let the devil invade my thoughts... but he is fighting mad cause he is losing this girl to the One and Only God. |
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Deb |
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July 25, 2008 at 2:37pm |
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| Becky, I will continue to pray for you. I know that God will let you know what He wants you to do in His timing. It is hard sometimes to wait. |
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Becky, I don't know exactly what the other comments have to say to encourage (don't have time to read them all right now) or strengthen you right now, but I am sure they are probably all good. But I just want to tell you....Sister you are not alone in this. As I read through your list of "shenanigans" I could not help but, laugh! I don't mean to be mean at all, it's just that as I read, I was like...Wow!...I thought I was the only one going crazy here! There has been days that I have wished to be anyone else, but me! (JUST KEEPING IT REAL!!!) I truly believe that the Body of Christ has truly been through a Spiritual Tsunami. There seems to be such spirit of heaviness. Just as the Word says that one of the weapons of the enemy would be to wear us out until our very foundation will be shaken to the core. What are we really be made of? Maybe this generation of believers has been just too spoiled and comfortable to admit it. Maybe, we really needed to wake up that sleeping giant, call THE CHURCH. You know, when Jesus started His ministry, it wasn't just that. He started a Revolution. And it cost Him....everything! Even His own life. Now I am not saying that we all should become "martyrs". That is why there was already a perfect bloodshed for the world. And we wonder if maybe it is that we need to be out there doing, and doing, and doing!!! We want to minister to others, but are we really ministering to The Father? Maybe, is just a matter of checking our foundation. After all is as simply as remembering that the mark of the Sons of God is their love for one another. And in order to do that, we have to become more....REAL!!! and truly bear with one another's burden. We need to truly learn how to minister unto The Father, and one another. That we may be really ready and prepared to minister to others....
Let The Father minister to you with His Love, as you worship Him! Sometimes we just need to be quiet for a while. Nothing wrong with that. Let Him quite you with His Love as He sings over you and you sing unto Him. That's where we find our strenght In quietness and serenity. Even if it means that you have to shut the door on a lot of other stuff. JUST GO INTO THE SECRET PLACE. HE WILL BE THERE.
As for the "LIST OF SHAME" OR "SELF".....Just burn it!!! Sister! In the name of Jesus (Yahsua). Sometimes is good to write it down, but don't throw it away, burn it!
I hope that my words could bring comfort and some kind of sense to you, as the waves are raging.
Thanks, for keeping it real, sister!
Be Blessed, Diana.
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| The cry of your heart is a beautiful thing Becky... |
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Becky |
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July 27, 2008 at 8:46pm |
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Deb - Yes it is hard to wait. Thanks for the continued prayer. I love you sista.
Diana |
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Becky |
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July 27, 2008 at 8:59pm |
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Diana - whoops hit enter before I meant to ... I really appreciated your comments. Thanks a lot. Yeah I keep it real. Very transparent, probably too transparent. But it is sometimes just a healing process for me to talk about it all. Sometimes I don't want to say a lot because I am afraid it might hurt someone I love, but it is getting to the point it really doesn't matter. You know, the losing of husband and step family. Now it is also, losing my daughter. I know that my problems pale in comparison to many others out here, but they are real and I wonder how much longer I can take it without totally losing it or backsliding. But I know Gods got my back.
I can totally relate to feeling that you didn't want to be anyone else but you... that has been me for years sometimes, until I realized it was a part of Gods plan, and I know you know that.
With that being said, I completely and wholeheartedly agree with what you said about Christ's Church going through some growning pains that are like a Tsunami. Wow.. kinda like the wheat and the way. Yes there is a revolution going on, and it will be the youth that is going to catepolt it into some serious victory, and a few of us old folks that are teenagers trapped in old bodies.
I found out in the sermon today, what a lot of my REAL problems are with my situation. I have the faith, and I have the joy, I am fervently seeking the word of God, I believe it will end soon and I will be victorious by the Grace of God, all for the Glory of God. The one thing that is lacking is my prayer life. It is very embarassingly almost non-existant. I can pray and pray for others, but for me, I have a hard time praying for myself because secretly I have always believed I deserved it all. Sick I know, that is just me. Anyway, I really need to get it right with Him and just get fervently
serious about my prayer life in regards to my direction in life... and THEN I need to set my timer and try just for at least 5 minutes to sit still and be quite and listen.
Thanks for Keeping it real sister. I love your honesty and I totally got what you were saying. May God bless you in all your trials and tribulations as well.
Voice Thanks voice. Thanks for your prayers and friendship as well I love you both. Selah! |
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Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1
BE AT REST TODAY, BECKY! BE AT REST! LOVE IN CHRIST, DENISE |
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