I was writing a friend today.  We were discussing addiction and how it works in a person.  I think I communicated my viewpoint well, so I thought I would post it here.  There is some personal stuff related here.  Please let me know what you think.

BTW, I think I'm at a place where I can admit my addiction to my MyChurch family:

Hi, I'm Jess - an adored follower of Jesus who struggles with internet pornography.



The roots for my addiction are my pride - I think I know how to meet my needs better than God does. Romans 6 refers to this as "the flesh" or "the sinful nature".   Personally, I think all believers are Sinaholics.  Some of us are blessed enough to realize that, and pursue God's help.
 
The emotional mechanism is this - I found I felt less lonely when I took my "hit".  My Dad left when I was three (it wasn't that he was abandoning us, but it's a long story which I promise to tell sometime soon).  After the divorce I barely saw his side of the family.  Mom had to go to work.  My Grandfather (Mom's Dad) died in my arms when I was 11.  My Grandmother (Mom's Mom) was very childish and abusive, and really wasn't there for me all the time.  I struggle with feelings of abandonment.  That's one thing about following Jesus - I know He loves me, but for now I can't get a hug from Him.  I'm glad for my Recovery buddies - they need hugs too!
 
This is one of the things I like about 12 step: one of the goals is to identify all the roots and emotional mechanisms that lead me to think self destructive behavior is a helpful thing.  That's the thing about addiction I found morbidly fascinating, in a way - how does a person end up thinking hurting them self would be beneficial?  A drug addict introduces just enough poison into their system to change their emotional state.  That's just insane (not that I'm judging - the only difference is in my choice of drug).
 
How many years did I struggle with my addiction?  That's one of those questions I fear, actually.  Every recovering addict struggles.  Have you ever met someone who stopped smoking?  They will be the first to admit the think often of lighting up.
 
The thing is, it isn't the drug that appeals to them - it's the escape.  All of us have behaviors we do when we are stressed.  If the behavior isn't rooted in God, it can rule us.  When the behavior rules us, we are addicts.
 
I met a Professor from a local Seminary who called himself a "Academic Addict".  He would always "factify" his relationship with God - turn it into facts and theories, instead of a relationship.  He left the Academic world to get closer to Jesus - and this guy studied the Bible for a living!  Incidental, he also said people in recovery understood more about having a relationship with God than many people he met in Church!
 
When I feel tempted, I immediately pray.  I call my sponsor and ask him to pray.
My prayers are along these lines (slightly elaborated): "Lord, this is bigger than me.  I couldn't save myself from Hell without Your help, and I can't rely on my ability to keep myself from this action/behavior/attitude."  Normally, by the time I admit that, the temptation is gone.
 
I can't say I'm perfect, but I can say realizing my weakness is an addiction gets me to run straight to Jesus.  Maybe that's why He doesn't just take the weakness away.  He has a higher purpose for it.  I can't find a single verse that says God will take away my weaknesses (actually it says the opposite: 2 Cor 12:9).  I can see verses that say He is always available (Psalm 9:9).  He will never despise my broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:17).  He will lift me up when I humble myself and admit my helplessness (James 4:10).  I am utterly and totally dependent on Him to live a sane life (Phil 4:12-13).  I'm also blessed enough to realize this (Phil 2:12-13).
 
The great mystery of Recovery is I wouldn't have realized my dependence on God without the addiction.  I'm looking for the reference, but I understand St Augustine said a person doesn't understand forgiveness until they are grateful for their sin, since the sin shows us our dependence on God and motives us to seek Him out.