Recently, I had an incident happen with someone very close to me that has been knawing at my gut for days now and I want the condemnation to leave right now in the name of Jesus. Let me explain what happened. There was a situation concerning a close friend of my family that had happened and I was trying to find out the details of it. In the process of doing so, I had called this person and didnt get an answer on their cell phone. After hanging up my celly(which I thought I did) I got on my home phone and made a call to someone else concerning the situation. Some of the things said was kind of worded wrong and out of frustration. Well...during this conversation on the house phone, I had no idea that my cellphone was still on and the person I had called, well, their voice mail picked up the conversation and recorded the whole home phone convo that I had. Oh My Goodness!!! I had no idea. After hanging up my home phone...I received a call from the other person that I had called and they told me about the conversation about them that I had just had. Oh Lord....You talking about the embarrassment and shame that I felt. I couldn't say anything but, "I am so sorry" and try to explain why I had said what I did. But even though she said, "it's ok, I totally understand why you would feel this way"...it still wasn't enough for my heart and my spirit.
You know, when you hurt someone and you know you did it, and it wasn't intentional...it is not only painful to the person that you hurt...but if you have a heart of flesh, the pain is as real to you as it is for that person. You have to know me to know that I would never intentionally hurt a person. I have had my share of hurt and pain in the past and never would I intentionally hurt another person. When you are concerned about a situation, you can allow the enemy to get in it when you begin to talk about it with others and discuss the situation, without knowing the 'truth' of the matter. That is what happened. I know that I truly did hurt her, even though she said its fine and she forgives me, the pain is still in the pit of my stomach, just knowing that I hurt someone. And keeping it real...It hurts even the more, when God exposes you!!! When you are 'supposed' to walking according the what God says, and you do or say something contrary to how God would do or say something, then God exposes your 'mess'...it hurts even more.
Our Pastor has been talking to us about the things we say and how they not only affect other people...but our words also affect us. I am walking and living that right now. I know that says she has forgiven me, but has she really? Thats where I am. When you find that 'shoe' in your mouth...it's hard to pull it out when it has caused hurt to someone. I never meant it. I know that the Word of God tells us that, there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus....but WOW, how I am feeling that. I know this much...The enemy has got to let me go. He cannot keep this hanging over my head. I am free. I am free. I am free. Devil...you are a liar....
When I said to her I was sorry, I meant that from the bottom of my heart...but even more though...I want to say to my Father, "Father God, Daddy, I am sorry for the hurt that I have caused someone else...and I ask now that you forgive me and help me to remove this size 9 from my mouth and heart and set me free from the condemnation that the enemy is trying to set root up inside my heart."
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