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| How To Let A Guy Know He's Not The One Without Hurting Him |
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I just had an amazing experience involving a woman I met on eHarmony.
We met online and started emailing each other. One of the things that attracted us both was how we both are into self improvement. I plainly state on my profile I’m in recovery, and she found that attractive (which surprised me a little, but I’m not complaining). We started to communicate outside of eHarmony, and were all over meeting face to face when feasible (she lives in a different part of the country).
We got close, sharing about our pasts and weaknesses, and our hopes and dreams.
This last week, she realized she wasn’t the one for me. She realized something about me I didn’t – that I want to be married to a woman who is as dedicated to recovery as I am. I sponsor some gentlemen, and I need a wife who will understand that. I want a wife who is also sponsoring women. We’re both sad about it, but amicable and affirmed through the whole thing.
She sent an email explaining where she was coming from, and included the following list. I asked her if I could reproduce it in a blog, and she said yes.
Take note gals. Here is this guy’s take on getting rejected.Nothing is more hurtful and insulting than when a gal lets a guy know she isn’t interested by refusing to communicate with him. That’s just mean. I don’t know of any guy who disagrees with me on this. It communicates to the guy that he just isn’t worth the bother of talking to. It can also lead the guy on, which is a form of lying to him. When a gal does this repeatedly, guys mention it to each other.
If a guy is interested in a gal, he’ll be disappointed when he realizes she doesn’t return his feelings. The way she communicates she doesn’t return his feelings can hurt him or affirm him.
I’ve never felt so affirmed by someone. I also never thought someone could communicate she rejected a relationship with me in a way that affirmed and edified me.
Here’s her list:
Jess…I want you to know that I want the very best for your life…and more than that – God does. I believe He has really wonderful things in store for you. There are so many things I like about you...let me name a few:
1. Your Love for Jesus
2. Your Commitment to process
3. You Sing/play guitar
4. Your passion for dance and willingness to teach others
5. You brew your own beer
6. Your love for people
7. You know your heart
8. Your deep compassion for others
9. The space you have for others to be different from you
10. Your optimism
11. Your commitment to serve at church/serve others
12. Your love for God's word
13. Your brutal honesty/transparency (this is a major highlight)
14. Your ability to encourage others (me)
15. Your gratitude to God for who He is and what He's done in your life. |
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| To add a comment to "How To Let A Guy Know He's Not The One Without Hurting Him" |
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| August 01, 2008 |
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Thanks Lara,
All I can think in this situation is - if God doesn't want me with this amazing woman, I can't wait to see the amazing woman He does want me with. I'm also OK if it turns out He doesn't want me to be married. |
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| August 01, 2008 |
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| I agree learning to let the Lord be all he can be in me must come first if I'm getting the gest of your BLOG right. |
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| August 01, 2008 |
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Greetings Jess,
Sorry for loss communication for a long while...Computer died...has not recsurected...yet... and forgot password...
I can not tell you how happy I am this happened... I believe that there is someone right now praying for the exact same calling in their spouse. Ministry going hand in hand...She must have a whole bunch of passion if God himself stop this from happening. Congratulations!!!!
Pastor Mary |
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| August 01, 2008 |
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She is an amazing woman - and you are better for having known her. I agree that whoever God has for you will also be outstanding and have just the qualities necessary to make the match right for His purposes. It sounds like you are on a wonderful quest with a happy ending. |
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| August 01, 2008 |
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Howdy Dave!
I'm not sure what my point was. I think I was amazed that a "rejection" could be so affirming and edifying. Maybe someone can get somethign out of it.
Welcome Back PastoryMary!
It's funny how "equally yoked" can refer to so much more than salvation.
Thanks JayKTX!
I agree, she is an amazing woman.
Thanks Lara,
I agree, God tends to give desires that follow His leading. I just figure if I'm not willing to accept being single if God wants that, I'm not ready to be married to anyone. |
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| August 02, 2008 |
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Howdy Christeena,
You're right. She is a gem. I just keep thinking that if God didn't want me with this amazing and precious woman, just who does He have in store for me?
1 Cor 2:9 (Amplified)
But, on the contrary, as the Scripture says, What eye has not seen and ear has not heard and has not entered into the heart of man, [all that] God has prepared (made and keeps ready) for those who love Him [who hold Him in affectionate reverence, promptly obeying Him and gratefully recognizing the benefits He has bestowed]. |
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| August 06, 2008 |
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Wow JessiAm... Sorry...
Let me tell you before I met Louis... I made a list.. you know us accountants
One list of 50 must haves... and the other had a list of 50 cant stands.
Louis was at 98%...
He was allergic to cats... by bye gracie and midnight.. forgot her name
Ok the other was he was a tad too angry... Thought it was army...many step evil parents... or... whatever GOD not me Could work on that.
I seriously recommend this to anyone not only to know what they are wanting in a potential spouse....but also in themselves...
Bless you my little Captain Archer... |
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