Maddie,

I understand totally because why should something that feels so good be so wrong?  However, a long time ago I found that when I put anything before my faith in God, anything that goes against my faith in God, I would hurt myself emotionally by the shame and disappointment in myself for not being strong enough.  With each truth, each positive step, each little time I overcame an urge to do something that would bring me shame or disappointment, I found strength and it became easier with every triumph. 

Satan wants us to put anything before God so he will tempt us and expose us to pleasures that are not true, that are nothing more than temporary illusions that will hurt us in the long run.  With  each denial of temptation, we are winning and growing stronger.  We also find out that there are greater pleasures in life that do not cause shame or disappointment or pain. For me, it was a matter of changing habits and creating new ones.  All of us have temptations in our life that are unhealthy, whether it is poor choices in friends, alcohol, compulsive lying, sexual addiction, drug addiction, violence addiction, etc., we all have our battles, some greater than others, but each HUGE in our own small worlds. 

I know as you continue to grow in Christ that you will experience greater pleasures in your own successes.  In 1 Peter, he writes a letter to the Christians in Asia Minor who are under the control of Nero and implores them to remain strong in their faith and rejoice in their "suffering" because their committment to Jesus will bring them spiritual glory.  He talks about suffering and how Satan will do anything to bring about sin.  

 I also like James, he was very uplifting and positive and talks about how burying yourself in the service of others will set an example to non-believers and it will also have it's rewards.  Not in the "deeds" but in the living life like Jesus.  You can do this simply by spending time in MyChurch and reaching out to others. You can post prayers and poems and pictures on their sites and offer them words of encouragement as you have done for me.  

It is really hard to read the Bible because it is not in chronological order, but if you can get your hands on a NIV Rainbow Study Bible, or google it and download a free version, you can reference words in the back that will take you to specific versus.  Each chapter tells you about the author, the timeframe, who he was addressing in his writings, why he was writing, what the political climate was, and it leads you through each chapter in an easy to read manner.Sometimes when I am struggling, I open the back of my Bible and reference different words, feelings, emotions, etc., and I look up the verses.  It helps.  It doesn't cure my feelings, but sometimes I feel a little stronger and healthier for turning to my Bible instead of turning to temptation.  

"Lord, I lift up Maddie in prayer today and I ask that you lead her to her Bible or computer during times of weakness and you guide her heart, hands, eyes and spirit to encouraging words in Your book or to others who need help so that she can help someone else and get past her own temptations and win the battle against Satan.  I pray that she will realize the ultimate rewards in doing your works and working towards being Christlike.  She has amazing talents and I ask that you spread her wings and become the wind that will lead her to her destiny through using those talents to help others.  I pray all these things in your name, Amen."

Take care!  Your sister in Christ....:)