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| My wandering mind |
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I had a really eye-opening conversation with my mom tonight. My mom is a wonderful woman. We have our differences and our arguments, but she is my mother and I wouldn't change that for the world. Tonight was one of those nights foreshadowing what will become of our relationship in the future. I'm proud to say that I'm looking forward to our relationship growing and becoming closer as friends then we are now.
So I'm nearing my 20th birthday and I've been nervous about it. All I've been thinking is that it's really stupid to be nervous and upset about a birthday, because we can't help it. Getting older is something that happens and there's nothing you can do to turn back the clock. I was sitting at the end of my mom's bed. I told her how I drove past my old house today. I shared how I miss the old house and the way our family was then, because it is certainly different now. I told her that I am very grateful for the house we live in now, and how I couldn't ask for more. Our old house was very much a part of me and helped me develop into the person I am today. We lived out in the country, 5 miles away from the church land, on Head of River Road. My responsibilities were cutting the grass (3 acres), filling holes the dogs made with dirt, and basicially being a kid. I shared with my mom the memories I have of cutting the grass for fun, because I loved the tractor, how I could tan, and it was very peaceful to me, because it took 2 hours. I remember getting too close to the fence and bringing the pieces loose at the bottom and having to tell my dad, "Dad, I hit the fence again!" I told mom that I remember the first time I did it and my dad was so angry! The next times, he just laughed and told me to fix it, so I would.
I remember how weekends were always horrible. For those who don't know, my dad is what we refer to as a "weekend Dad", he has always traveled Monday- Friday for work and been only home on the weekends. So weekends, my family would adjust our schedules to fit my dad back in. Mom was up tight, so my brother and I usually tried to say out of the way. I remember now that because of this I LOVE SCHOOL.
When school was out we found things to do. One thing I thought of tonight is how we used to play in the ditch! I used to go outside in all types of weather and play house, bus driver, etc in the ditch...of all places. We climbed trees, went hiking in the woods, rode bikes, and well I drove the tractor around.
After these memories, I started thinking how I will be closing another chapter of my life. I won't really be a "teen" anymore. When I was younger, I used to hear people say, "my kids are all in their 20's.", I used to just think, man their old. Newsflash Fee: your family is at that point. My poor parents don't have teens anymore. My brother and I have been raised, although my parents jobs aren't done, they have completed, I would say, the most challenging part.
I told my mom tonight that I wish I could turn back time, back to when I was young. So I could have the imagination I used to have. To play Barbie's all day, to play in the ditch, to ride my bike, to just be a kid. I can't though. I don't regret anything in my life. It has been the way it has been for a reason. I'm grateful for that. I wouldn't change even the worst things... but even the worst times I have realized I miss. I am proud to be the daughter of Jeff and Jackie, the younger sister to Garrett. I am proud to have mistakes I've made in my past and the trials I've gone through. I'm proud to have given my parents an individual that they are proud of. To bless them by letting them know day in and day out that they have raised me to be a wonderful young woman.
I guess in short: we are all getting older. We go through life not really paying attention to the small things. We get angry in bad/challenging situations. We really should realize that one day it will all be gone and over with. Everything as we know it today will not be in a few years to come. Change is constant, we not only need to flow with it, but embrace our life now, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Except it, use it! It forms who we become. Everything will be used by God for His greater good.
Don't just let life pass you by, you may be missing the most important things. |
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| To add a comment to "My wandering mind" |
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| August 06, 2008 |
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| Awsome..god just spoke through you to me. last night was rough for me, i talked to dave and leanne and got most things answered, and you were the last little thing that was answered...it went through my head last night that iam moving way out of gb, iam starting high school, in a new school, iam doing football which paralyzes church events, and i have lost alot of friends in the past year...but i guess i need to go with the flow!=] |
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