A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk says, "ma'am, the TV you want is a microwave."

She was so blonde that-
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
She studied for a blood test.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She sold the car for gas money!

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...
Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff,  "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

 There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,"How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded. Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
 
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

  A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"  
 
Morris a young man wanted to get his beautiful blond wife Sherry something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day Sherry, the blonde, goes shopping. Her phone rings and it`s her husband Morris, "Hi honey, "He says, How do you like your new phone?" "I just love it, it`s so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there s one thing I don`t understand.How did you know I was at the beauty parlor ?"
 
 It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero...
... when a blond got off from work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.
She remembered Ole's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made Lena feel much better and sure enough in a little while, a snow plow went by, and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow, she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite sometime had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car
and signaled her to roll down her window.The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right, as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of Ole's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him, and she could continue if she wanted...but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Kmart next.

What do you do if a bonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.        

 Once a blonde got in a bad hailstorm and got a bunch of dents in her car. So she goes to the car repair shop and the attendant, who notices she is blonde, tells her to take it home and blow into the exhaust pipe to get the dents out.so the blonde goes home and is bloeing in the exhaust pipe but nothing is happening. her roomate comes out of their apartment and asks what she is doing. the blonde explains and her roomate replies."Well DUH, you have to roll up the windowws first!!!"

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house ... ... with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year,.....namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.) There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in Ft Worth so that they can breed their own stock.They only have $600 left.Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word". We'll, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1.00 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable'". The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big.She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull

A blonde was driving about two hours from San Diego...
 when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees
in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day.
Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I' ll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and
carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!!
There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded,
"I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World.
 
Two blondes were building a house.
One saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out. She thought that this was weird and decided to look into.
"Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?"
"Well, when I pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing towards the house, I nail it it.
 If it is facing away from the House, it is defective and I throw it away."
"You idiot, those nails aren't defective, they are for the other side of the house."

A blond called asking if I had a really good cake recipe.
It was about to be her hubby's 40th birthday and she wanted to make his cake from scratch, as opposed to a cake mix or bakery cake.
Knowing she was a blond, I gave her one of the simplest recipes I have.
I called her yesterday to see how everything went, and she said the cake only turned out so-so.
"It was a bit flat and slightly chewy" she said.
"Did you follow the directions I gave you" I asked
"Yeah. There was one ingredient I wasn't quite sure about though." replied the blond
This cake calls for flour, sugar, eggs, cocoa powder, vanilla extract, soda, salt and water.
Very basic ingredients so I could not imagine what possibly confused her. "Well, which one was that, do you think?" I asked
"I think it was a problem with the soda. Your recipe said 1 tsp. soda, but did not say what type, so I used Seven-Up.
 Should I have used Pepsi?" she asked.

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car ..
... runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window.
 Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Ohio and I'm driving the salt truck!"

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." He sighed................
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Two groups of women, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes ...
... charter a double-decker bus for a week long trip throughout Arizona.
The Grand Canyon, Painted Desert, Sedona, Lake Powell, and much more are on the itinerary.
The Brunettes ride on the bottom of the bus. The Blondes ride on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to get up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes paralyzed in fear,
 staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes look up at her, swallows hard and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up ...
...and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.The blonde replies, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here." The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in first class that belongs in
economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I'm sorry," and she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her, first class isn't going to Houston

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering ...