Aaron, Here's one verse that comes to mind:

This says to me that although we shouldn't seek to leave, there are sometimes circumstances in which we may need to decide to leave.  But if and when we do we ARE NOT free to remarry.  I think a lot of people overlooked this part, since legally they are free to marry again. 

That's a good point, Sue. I guess it's pretty important to know the person you are going to marry incredibly well. And to be sure you can trust that person. Because it could be a one time shot.

I don't think though that people that have remarried after a divorce not involving adultery are living in sin. If they did so in ignorance of this scripture. I've heard some say that. I think God will honor their marriage, and forgive the sin.

If you will read all of Chapter 7 you get this verse as well:

Paul makes a point that the divine standard cannot be placed on the unregenerate. Here, he tell us that if the unbeliever leaves (files for divorce), the believer is to let them leave. I know this doesn't address the physical abuse aspect, but I cannot help but notice the end of this verse.

God has called us to peace within the context of marriage. We are to suffer for His name's sake, but not because a man doesn't know his place.

Nowhere in Chapter 7 does Paul deviate from what our Lord said, and Sue has pointed out above. We are to be reconciled to our husband or wife or remain single:

The abuse aspect puzzles me. I know that God would not ordain such behavior. Especially if children were made to be witnesses of such acts. In my opinion, I would tell this woman or this man to seperate from the abusive spouse. I would like to hear what Pastor Dan thinks about this. He and I discussed marriage on an older blog, I will try to send him a message with this linked.

Carmen, my wife, and I don't talk about beating each other or divorce around our house. Now, there has been occassion where we have talked about murder....:)LOL.

Good post Aaron.

I was just touching on some of this in Mike and Laura's post, but I didn't go too much into this aspect because I didn't want to stir a touchy spot for some.  But since you've already begun, adding my $.02 probably won't hurt...lol

 Paul makes clear that the Lord commands that the [believing] wife not depart her husband.  In a case where physical abuse is involved, I think many women forget about that "middle ground" option available to them legally called legal separation.  I think if a woman (or man -- it happens) is being physically abused, legal separation provides the safety of not being together without "going all the way" and getting a divorce.  Honestly, in all but the worst of cases, I think this is the option that most closely matches what was being mentioned in the "if they depart, let them not remarry" section of his discourse, since while separated you're not eligible for remarriage since you're still married.

I think people need to approach this issue, like any other, with a good dose of common sense.  As Christians, I think it is extremely important that we do what we can to limit ourselves in some areas so that we don't make bigger mistakes than we need to.  Pastors who counsel women having lots of see-through glass in their office (or wide open doors), a person with a spending problem who wants to start saving money so they put money in accounts they cannot touch for a set period of time, these are examples of people taking heed to themselves and the proclivities and temptations they might encounter, and being proactive in how they approach the situations so they don't make big mistakes.  Legal separation falls into this category, as it prevents you from going on to another relationship (which, for the one who leaves without proper cause, IS adultery, as is stated in multiple passages) while also not getting the divorce.

For anyone who has doubts about abusive husbands and the radical things that God can do in their lives, or about women who model the 1st Peter 3 wife to their abusive husbands that they would be won over to Christ, you need to pick up a resource on Raul and Sharon Ries.  You can read (and watch a video) of Raul's testimony at the Calvary Chapel Golden Springs website (you can click [here] for the Church website, or [here] to go directly to his testimony).

God can -- and DOES -- move mightily still today, and I think we would do well sometimes to not let our emotions drive us farther than the Lord wants us to go in situations.

-jason 

Hi Aaron,

I grew up in an abusive environment and my thought on this is that God has instructed the husbands to love their wives as Jesus loved the church ( eph 5:25) and to honor them.  I also realized that he explained how a husband is suppose to love their wives...the right way on 1 Corin13.  Once abuse is involved in any way either physical, emotional, verbal satan is operating not love and not God.  I believe the victim has a right to remove themselves from that situation until the other person gets help from God; especially when there are children involved.  Growing up, I used to wonder why my mother never left my father; her reason was because she did not want a divorce and disappoint God...she was scared.  So, we endured the abuse for many years from our father.  Now, would he have gotten the revalation that what he was doing to her and to us was wrong had she left him?  we dont know.  However, I do know what they had was not a marriage and God did not dwell in that place.  I am not an advacate for divorce because I belive there is nothing too big for my God.  However, I also belive that before God can even get involve we must confess and realize our mistake according to 1John 1:9 and I know until that times comes seperation might be in order for the safety of the victims.

Esther

I agree with A Peculiar, abuse is not of God.

As for the middle ground of legal separation being a safe ground, I have known of too many women who have taken that approach and been hurt, some even killed by their husbands.  Abuse of any kind is not of God.

Mystery - so is the Bible - I read somewhere in the Bible that if the man does not seek the consent of the father before becoming married then -it's not a marriage.  My thoughts are this - I married a man I was not in love with due to fear and lonliness - my vows were a lie.  I believe I have been living in sin all these years to a man who was not ordained by God to be my husband and that is why I have paid a heavy price for many years due to that sin - meaning emotional and physical abuse. 

In my heart God is telling me that I have been forgiven.  I had everything in place such as the attorney's name, when my husband finally told me to contact them and proceed.  I may have been prepared but I did not make the final decision to file. 

He tells me he is born again and he was baptised, but he will not come to church with me or go to our old church either despite the living testimony of God's love he sees in me everyday - my transformation acutally angered him and my family so much that they think there is something wrong with me about how much I love God, going out a meeting people, taking my daughter out and playing, loosing weight, stopped drinking and my back is finally healing up!  I firmly believe that I will marry again but this time it will be with the man God has choosen for me and I will not even meet him or know his name until after my divorce.  I am so sure of it that I don't date anyone or even attempt to look elsewhere other than where God leads. 

I don't believe that God would condem someone, who for example, had been married and divorced 3 times or more once they come to understand God's plan for them - I believe that it is the begining of life for them.

The arguments my spouse kept putting up are being broken down by God - he is going to support me until I get back on my feet and he is going to take care of our child - as he should - and giving me full custody with supervised visitation until he can get conseling - thanks to God - the divorce will be quick and as inexpensive as it can be without torture to our daughter.

I want to maintain a friendship with him for our daughter and to help him find God too - would it be a sin not care - yes - it's my job to help him.

My life is my testimony that all things are possible through God - my pastor said today that my harvest is coming soon - even this week - so keeps your eyes open my dear ones and if you believe - reap what you have sown!         

Hi Everyone, I may be swimming against the tide here, but I'm going to crawl way out on a limb. I believe there is ample Scripture that would give rise to the occassion that an abusive marriage should be terminated.

So it seems to me that if a man is bitter and abusive toward his wife, then as a Pastor, I would have to question his commitment to Christ. This entire passage is very clear: our relationship with God in Christ should be made clear in our family relations on earth.

Again, we are discussing the husband, not the wife. Once more we see the burden of men to reveal the glory of the Father toward humanity (or Jesus and His Bride) by the relationship between a man and his wife.

If a man continually abuses his wife, then there is no love in his heart, or he suffers from very deep psychological illness and needs to seek professional help. Barring the possiblity that he's mentally unstable, I see every reason why a woman should divorce her husband if he is continually abusive. 

SSTTR,

I am going to pray for you.  I can not imagine how hard this time is for you.  I pray God gives you peace and wisdom to deal with everything you have before you.  I imagine you did not plan for a divorce when you said "I do", so you are going to face a lot of confusion and pain (which I bet you already experienced).  I want you to know that you are not alone.  keep a good support system close to you (family, pastors, church family, friends, etc) and keep yourself closer to God for yourself and your kid.

This is coming from a pastor's wife that cares! 

Lourdes

Jonathan T and Lourdes - you both are a miracle to me tonight - there was a reason I came back to visit this blog and it was to read your words that I desperately needed to hear.  I don't feel alone tonight anymore...

I thank God for you so much and I love you dearly.