Three days ago, I found myself in shock as we received news that we would not be able to obtain a construction loan to start building our house. As some of you know, our family has undergone many challenges and trials as we have lived in our fifth-wheel trailer for the past two years. Over the last year, we have gotten our well and septic system installed and have been doing everything we possibly can just to survive, yet we’ve also been preparing to take on the enormous project of building our house, as small as it will be. You can only imagine that to receive news like this was a heavy blow. I spent the rest of the day isolating myself from everyone until finally late that night, my husband was able to crack my shell and get me to talk about my feelings.

I had many more questions than I had answers. How could God bring us this far only to slam a door in our face? What did we do wrong? Is there something we overlooked? What do we do now? We have less than a year to refinance this property into a construction loan and if we can’t do that, then what does that mean we are supposed to do? Is this not the right timing, the right way? Did we pick the wrong home plan? If we can’t be in our house within the next year, how are we going to keep living in this trailer that is continually depleting and growing seemingly smaller as our children keep growing? What am I supposed to tell my 4-year-old who has been praying for over a year now for God to build our family a house?

My feelings began to surface and I went on to express fear, frustration, doubt, anger, anxiety, and disappointment. Thoughts swam through my mind… several “what if?” scenarios played out and wreaked havoc on my emotional state. This seemingly endless amount of questions without answers chiseled away at my faith until I was so confused I just lay in bed and sobbed alongside my husband. He and I finally got to the point of doing the only thing we knew to do at a time like this: we prayed.

After our time of prayer, of offering up our thoughts and feelings to God, the Lord began to remind me of His goodness and faithfulness to us- that our circumstances didn’t affect His ability to make this seemingly impossible task possible. He reminded me of how just weeks before, He had begun preparing me for this fire we were getting ready to face. He reminded me of how just days before, He confirmed to us His direction to build by someone offering us a full set of kitchen appliances for when our house would be completed. He reminded me of countless other instances of confirmations and of the work He had already accomplished on our land thus far. He reminded me that He is still on the throne and has our best interest in mind and will work it out in His timing and His way.

I became faced with another set of questions, this time with answers that I could choose for myself. Shall I wallow in self-pity and focus on the appearance of my circumstances, forsaking an eternal perspective and the promises of God? Shall I give way to doubt and fear, giving the enemy a stronghold as I walk around in an attitude of defeat? Or shall I choose to praise my God for what is unseen- that which He is developing in me, that I might move from “glory to glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18)?

Indeed, if I choose to pity myself, I will be the loser. I will lose out on the joy and peace that comes from trusting in God and in choosing to give Him glory despite the obstacles in my path. I will lose out on the freedom that is found when I choose to lay aside all worries and anxieties and wait on the Lord for His provision. I will lose out on the opportunity to make it through this trial with flying colors, with a faith refined to its purest form. No matter what circumstances may come my way, I will choose to give Him praise. He is still God, He is still on the throne, and He is still deserving of my praise. Shall I choose only to praise Him in times of blessing and abundance? No, I will choose to give Him praise in every season of my life, at all times.