| A confession of a servant of the Lord. |
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Today I'm indulging in my feelings. Something we as Christians should not spend much time or energy in doing, thus the title of this blog. I feel sad as if I'm about to settle for much less than God has promised me and somewhat defeated as I can't see the way out of no way. My faith seems to be on the line. Which way do I go? I can't quite hear Jesus this morning. To much noise blocking out his loving Voice. Having lived for some time following his words for my life. I feel somewhat lost. Almost wanting to cry as Christ once did My God, My God! Why hast thou forsaken me.
You see I was called into this ministry since it was the story in John 4:all that first allowed me to know I was able to be saved I called this ministry A Woman At The Well Mission Ministries and attempted to file Articles of Incorporation in that Name, while following the Holy Spirit in reaching out to people in my community. I had been sick to the point of death and found the only skill I could share was Church, and English Reading and Writing which I Volunteer at the Library to teach Adult literacy.
Doing that I had to pass hungry and homeless people. The Holy Spirit encouraged me to reach out to them It started with providing snacks 3 times a week on my way to teach.
Then my housing was (and is) threatened so I became an advocate for Affordable Housing and Tenant's Rights got involved in Tennant Association meetings, LA Voice Pico, Power, Attending Venice Neighborhood Council Meetings, Was on The task-force for homeless in Venice, and am on the Committee for Affordable Housing and Tenant Rights.
The other people in these groups saw I was feeding free food on my retirement budget 15-30 persons 3 times a week I was offered food bank quality donations which I processed and cooked and started to feed hot meals with cold salads and deserts three times a week then before I even got my Articles of Incorporation back I was asked to use one of two spaces on the boardwalk of Venice to Feed.
This meant to me having had a Chef's Certificate since 1969 that I had to purchase equipment to make and keep the food clean hot or Cold on the Beach. I was granted enough credit to purchase: 2cookers with pots, a grill, Ice Cooler, 5 gallon Thermos, 2 two carts, bar towels,sanitizing wipes, steal cleanser, mop & bucket, broom & dustpan, cooling racks, skewers, and many other supplies.
In May I started serving 75 free meals plus morning tea and snacks three times a week on the Venice Beach Boardwalk. This number zoomed by fourth of July it was 200 meals plus morning tea and snacks three times a week. mind you I also carried out bibles to give away and had a reading area mornings with the tea and snacks. Bible study materials set up to read while I went back to teach and cook the evening meal.
Then I got back the Articles of Incorporation denied with an explanation that you can not file to similar sets at the same time with the same name.
Though in my area ST Josephs has about 5 non-profit business licences possibly not filled simultaneously but still they are the source of my Idea to start both a feeding ministry and an sheltered apprenticeship mission though the latter is mearly in the idea stages.
So thinking and praying on the ways of licencing my ministry I continued to serve the hungry free food. Then a whisper from God (Get your ducks in a row an attack is coming.) Not quit sure of what to do I started to pay more attention to gossip in the free food line and observe my surroundings. The number of meals served fluctuated 75-175 daily + morning tea and snacks. The work load became more than this one body could handle and my arms started giving out (carpel tunnel syndrome) the gossip said inspectors were going to shut me down camera's were spotted ,donations quality got worse, harder to create a good meal from and I went to see my DR.
My housing had an inspection at which time the inspector asked who the multitude of people cooking in my apartment were. I have had one or two come help clean vegetables but I am the only cook I have one or two drop off donations or help deliver food to wheelchair and immobile homeless I could no longer reach. But no multitude was in my apt. Though a tenant meeting had been held in my apt. no one cooked.
Some where in this time I checked the Internet and found a corporation titled similar to the one I wanted to start and now do not know if it was their .com or .org that is not letting me organize.
My Dr prescribed a medication that put me flat on my back unable to get out of bed for nearly a month no one fed.
Was asked to Combine my ministry with that of the Church . That came with to many strings and restrictions and made it the Churches ministry. God told me it would be mine and my service to him. He deserves so much more. I deserve so much less. Thank God for Jesus.
I have Jury Duty this week so still not feeding. but time will change all that.
I will be writing my Articles again and see what god has to say about who has been called to serve with me and where we will work. |
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